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The man immediately threw off his cape and started to do some cat juggling. He was just as immediately mobbed by animal right's activists led by Steve Martin who hit him over the head with a hole puncher. Bob stood aghast at this new development. Little did he know that Bozzo's cats were actually secret agents from Zurg's evilfortress in Kalamazoo who wanted to take over the world by playing long forgotten "Eagles" music.
But his plan failed because nobody had ever heard the Eagles in the first place! Bob was forced to take off his dirty socks and replace them with loafs of bread. These where especially comfortable when he looked in the mirror.
Bob quickly created the toe jam sandwich and was about to devour his feet when someone decided to put Bob in a blender and mix him up with a strawberry banana smoothie. Bob began to weep.
"No! No! Anything but strawberry banana! Strawberry Kiwi! Lemon lime! Berry Blend! Orange Mango! But not strawberry banana!"
To hell with it! I wanna post again! (Thanks Elgee for the link!!)
After hearing Bob spout out the phrase:
"No! No! Anything but strawberry banana! Strawberry Kiwi! Lemon lime! Berry Blend! Orange Mango! But not strawberry banana!"
Someone decided not to try to work it out, but rather to turn the blender on, however, they had not put the lid on, so Bob (along with the rest of the contents of the blender) came flying out and Bob began to fall...again...(IT HAD TO BE DONE!!!)
Bob, unaware that he was being rude, gobbled up all the dough. He was still there like a bloated tick, too fat to even move a limb, when the evil asparagus arose and glowered down at him. Bob was frightened, but the best he could do was roll away. He tried to roll but the Asparagus gave him a kick and he rolled down a rabbit hole and got stuck.
"It comes of not having front doors big enough," he said.
Bob felt a tiny paw grab the back of his shirt and was yanked though the tunnel of the rabbit hole. He brushed the dirt from his clothes an stared at a family of cute and fuzzy bunnies. He didn't know what to say, and just started to ask for directions out. "Um....bunny dudes, can you help me find a way out?" They just stared up at him with beady eyes and looked cute. " You're a lot of help!"
Said Bob agrily as he picked himself up. Bob suddenly heard the roar of the angry asparagus above. He spotted a far away tunnel and began to run.......
As he ran he shed his many excess pounds which rolled off him in the form of huge drops of pinkish sweat. They formed a river which soon began to sweep the once again thin Bob off his feet and down to the sea.
He was bobbing about like a cork when he saw a butcher, a baker, and a candlestick maker.
At least that was his first impression of them. As Bob bobbed (hehe) closer, he saw that, yes indeed, one man was wearing a butcher's apron, another was wearing a baker's hat, and the last was carrying a candle. Bob then doggy-paddled a little closer. They were not what he supposed at first. As it was dark, and they had only a candle, they could not see Bob, but Bob could see them. Oh, yes, he could see them quite clearly. And what he saw was truely horrifying. He saw...
.....a toad-faced woman grinning evilly at him. "Well, you made the mistake of coming near me," she said. "Now you will suffer the consequences. BWAHAHAHAHA!" Bob was very confused, and he just stood there and gaped like an idiot, instead of running away as he should have. She grabbed him around the neck and dragged him into the boat.
"Now, sir," she then drawled in a very distinguished Harvard/Atlanta/Austin/L.A. sort of accent, "It is very kind of you to drop in to listen to my lecture on lunar diversity among garden gnomes. I think we all know and agree that lunar diversity is a very important issue in this day and age and that without lunar diversity our lives would be a great deal gloomier and grimmer. Yes, in fact, pardon the cliche, lunar diversity creates a great deal of the spice of life we come to love and know and know and love. Ha ha ha ha. . .Uh-hem. As I'm sure you, an educated scholar, know, lunar diversity was first discovered in nineteen-ten by Freedriech Von Schnhot. . ."
In the midst of the woman's speech, Bob let out a loud resounding snore and woke up abruptly.
"Um..huh? Were you saying something?" Bob said with a big yawn. He then replied abruptly, "Dang! That was good sleeping, I haven't had such good sleeping in years."
And with that Bob shook hands with the Toad faced woman, thanked her kindly and cheerfully swam away.
However when he reached the shore, Bob was surprised to find.....
the Toad-faced woman had beat him there. She looked very grim. "You left in the middle of my speech. No one does that to me and gets away with it. I am the all-powerful ________. I will be obeyed by the miserable dirt people that surround me everyday. You shall pay....I shall put you in......"
Solitary Confinement with SIXTY-THREE OTHER PEOPLE!"
Bob blinked.
"How does that work?" he asked.
"Don't question me!" she said. "I was not made to be questioned. I was made to be obeyed!"
At that moment a lightening bolt from heaven struck, turning her into a tree frog and she began to hop up and down in indignation while Bob slowly made his exit, determined to find the Gauntlet of Terror, only through which can the Kingdom of Bliss be reached.
"Hmmm... the Gauntlet of Terror. What a bloody terrible name. Why would anyone name something so beautiful with such a bleeding horrible name?" Bob said to himself.
"Even beautiful things can be evil." someone said from behind Bob.
Bob spun around to see who it was. He didn't see anyone.
"And even ugly things can be good." came the voice again.
This time Bob saw who was speaking. It was a fox, but not just any fox. It was the dullest, grungiest, most dilapitated fox Bob had ever seen.
"Uhhh... Did you just talk?" Bob said to the fox.
"Very good monkey." said the fox.
"No need to be rude." replied Bob.
"Sorry," said the fox. "I don't see too many of your kind on this side of the Sea of Reason. Did you like the trick I pulled on the hag? She's always trying to torture people with her poetry. It's really quite terrible. I saw one poor chap get an earful once. He just went 'poof' into a pile of ashes, and then..."
"I'm sorry to interrupt you, Mr. ...er... I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name?"
The fox blinked very slowly in annoyance, and then his face brightened. As much as a fox's face can, that is. "My name is...