• Welcome to The Tolkien Forum! Connect with fellow Tolkien enthusiasts and join a community that is over two decades old, and still going strong. We look forward to meeting you.  Register

Continue This Totally Ridiculous Story...

The crisis at hand of course being whether or not Plate Tectonics Geek would ever be able to afford his phone bill.
 
Then Elgee came up and said "It's blantantly obvious. If you don't stop soon the IRS is going to come up and plant geraniums in your ears. If you don't stop throwing Lava the world will explode in two or three milliniums and then we will never know what the Vulcan high command really thinks of it... That would be tragic... wouldn't it?"
 
To which Plate Tectonics Geek responded: "That's Pants!!", shortly later, "I like ducks!"
 
And then he stopped questioning things because Plate Tectonics Geek slapped him in the head with a two-by.
 
The Geek had left the four out of the two by four for religious reasons so Bob really wasn't hurt that much. Then Elgee's uncle, the lumber plant manager, came by and started lecturing everyone on the difference between ponderosa and fir. Bob's head was spinning with terms like knots, clear, and two by fours. Hearing the sacriligous word Two-by-four, the Plate Tectonic Geek threw himself in front of a 747.
 
and fell into the oncomming plane becase the thought that it would further inhance the lava's dancing number if they were nervous.
 
But then Plate Tectonics Geek realized it would be stupid if he let himself be killed by a 747 because of how fearful he was of the number 4.
So he calmy sidestepped the oncoming plane and then boarded it.

It was outbound for Seattle, and filled with monkeys on typewriters.
 
who completed Romeo and Juliet and then started on the Origen of Species... they had that done by lunch.
 
And by lunch they arrived in Seattle where they all boarded a large monkey bus and took them to Wonko the Sane's house in Bellevue.

Where Wonko greeted them and invited them in for tea.
 
And the monkeys invited a hundred bazillion people to Wonko's house and they had a huge party. Some of the guests included the Guacamole Girl, the Harrison Fords, Spongebob Squarepants, George Bush, and a busload of hippies that had been time-warped from the Sixties. Bob ducked as one of the Guacamole Girl's avacados whizzed over his head, and then dodged two monkeys that had thrown themselves at George Bush and were shoving rotten pears into the upturns of his suit.
 
The beings in the house were making a lot noise and the Three Little Pigs from next door were getting upset. So they came over and said that's it! The time for a revolution is now and us pigs are going to take over..........MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (obviously they had been reading too much of animal farm, what was George Orwell thinking encouraging pigs to rebel and boss us mere humans around!!!!!)...........But Bob wouldn't take it so he..........................
 
confessed his undying love for both Wonko and the Guacamoli girl... He couldn't chose between them so he asked them to fight it out over him in a three day chess tournament against four White House Aides and the Simpson family.
 
But at that point Wonks had retired to her bedroom with Plate Tectonics Geek and asked that they kindly not be disturbed.
So Wonks's brother wonko, who's a better chess player anyway, kindly volunteered to sit in during the chess tournement.
But only if his pal Ryan could come too, and as they are joined at the hip, Bob kindly agreed.
So wonko and Ryan entered the chess tourney under the name Rah-Jay. Which is a combo of both they're names since they are inseparable.

But Bob was becoming disillusioned at Wonks's running off with Plate Tectonics Geek and was leaning evermore towards choosing Guacamole Girl to be his undying lover.

So as Rah-Jay and Guacamole Girl sat down to a grueling chess tournement Bob began the arduous task of knitting a wedding veil out of cheese cloth and cat fur for his lovely bride-to-be.
 
But the blue cow of The Aged Grandmother would have none of it and slapped the Rah-Jay duo until they were blue in the face with yellow pimples. Being satisfied with her work, she set about to eat the wedding veil - all that was left anyway after the birds got to it. Then Wonko got tired of the Geek and came home screaming, "Die, pumpkin pie! Die!!!!" And the sun moved one inch closer to the earth.
 
But then the sun realised that Wonks would never tire of The Geek and so it moved back an inch and Wonks ran back to her room and resumed her *ahem* activities.

Then Bob smiled because his choice was made for him and he turned to his true love, The Blue Cow of the Aged Grandmother and gave it a big wet sloppy kiss!
 
The cow mooed and the Aged-Grandmother smiled. She had accomplished her purpose and could now go see what to do with the knitting needles that had just grown out of Bob's ears.
 
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, a little child named Lapis Lazuli was crocheting a hammock for her 1 legged cousin when she dropped a stitch. Consumed with her feelings of failure she drowned herself in a vat of cleaning solution and jell-o and her happily freed spirit skipped up into the hills singing, "There ain't no bugs on me...there ain't no bugs on me..."

Back at Wonks's house people were knocking on her door trying to disturb her and so she smacked them with a board.

And then she found five dollars.
 
Than in the blink of an eye, George bush came in with the chinesse president and said,"What the hell are you doing in my house!'
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Share this page

Similar threads

Fanfic The Sculpture and the Willow
Replies
0
Views
731
Server Room Gremlin
Fanfic One Man In The Shadows
Replies
8
Views
3K
Tyelkormo the Fair
Fanfic One Life For The Sake of The Rest
Replies
2
Views
1K
Tyelkormo the Fair
The Eyes of Tolkien
2
Replies
38
Views
7K
Eljorahir
Fanfic And You Made My Words Take Flight
Replies
0
Views
812
Tyelkormo the Fair
Menu
Log in
Register
Cookies are required to use this site. You must accept them to continue using the site. Learn more…