Barahir lay, ignoring those around him. Not for the first time in his life, he envied the Eldar. Not for their beauty, their knowledge, their strength, or their long life. Only because of their knowledge that they would be reunited with their loved ones. They
knew that upon dying, they would go to the
Halls of Mandos. Here would all the Eldar be gathered, to be reembodied after purifying themselves. While not seeking death, the Eldar had little reason to fear it. It was not an ending, not a permanent separation. For
men, the gift of
IlĂşvatar was to leave
Arda, where Mortals went after death was a
mystery. There was no way of knowing the fate of a friend killed in battle, a parent struck by old age, a sister murdered before her time. All these separations Barahir had now experienced, but this latest was the most harsh. After his mother's death, he had been comforted by her peace, by the knowledge that she had a full life. After his sister's, he had sought revenge blindly, finding comfort in this. Upon finding the murderer in the company of
Maedhros, his plan was thwarted, but soon his attention was shifted to his friend, whom he had known for all his short years. Alfirin did not deserve to die. Not after finding, after all these years, his kin. Not after finally meeting his father's brother. Not after finding a cause he could live for. Not after being given the hope of acceptance by his people should this quest succeed. Not after finding life for the first time! All his life, Alfirin had searched for his identity. Finding this, he was in the same instant branded a murderer and outlaw. Barahir had willingly joined him in exile, and because of this Alfirin had joined him in seeking revenge. If only Alfirin could have lived to see their quest succeed! If only he could have lived to be recognized for what he was: the son of
Maglor, the elf-lord doomed by
the Silmarils and the Oath to wander the shores
Middle-Earth until the End.
At least Alfirin had been allowed to meet his kin, to find a company where he was indeed treated as an equal.
Barahir could not clear his mind of these thoughts.
If only, if only, if only. There was no reason to ask, no purpose in continuing to ask these useless questions. There was nothing else to do but try to fufill what they had begun-- to help Maedhros find redemption.
Having come to this conclusion, his thoughts strayed to the company. An Elf-lord, the brother of his friend's father, returned from
the Blessed Realm,
Elves who had lived in Middle Earth for many lives of men and were counted young, an outlaw, the murderer of his sister. This was perhaps the strangest. Upon finding Turig, he had forsworn his revenge temporarily, but unwillingly. Now, he pitied Turig, and understood him as he never thought would be possible. Now, they were the only Mortals left in the party.
Coming to an uneasy peace with himself, Barahir slowly sat up, leaning against a tree. Caimarë was gone, probably hunting. Herugurth was preparing his catch over a fire. He heard Eve speak to Maedhros.
"Good Morning. Are you alright? Yesterday was hard on all of us...especially you..." A wave of bitterness swept over him, with the thought
what did these elves know of hardship? They did not know the pain of death and separation. As soon as it came, it passed. Maedhros knew pain. He knew, had witnessed the pain. He had seen the bitter fruit of the kinslaying and the Oath. This is one who knew pain and bitterness. This is one Barahir could follow, would follow, until his death.