🎲 Lord of the Pants

[HobbitGirl]

Even the smallest pants can change the course of the future.

Epic. Win.

Oh em EFF GEE. I had no idea this thread still EXISTED!! *happy squeeing spazzms* This thread amused me as far back as middle school, and six years later it's STILL FUNNY! (Why is that, I wonder? XD; )

Lessee...

Literally the first page I opened to...

The Two Towers, chapter VI: The Forbidden Pool (abridged with new Pants content)

"Indeed yes. He bore it himself for many years."

"He bore it?" said Faramir, breathing sharply in his wonder. "This matter winds itself ever in new riddles. Then he is pursuing it?"

"Maybe. It is precious to him. But I did not speak of that."

"What then does the creature seek?"

"Pants," said Frodo. "Look!"

YES, GOLLUM IS IN NEED OF PANTS. Poor loincloth-man. T_T

 

[Squint-eyed Southerner]

Here comes another one, rising from the grave ('tis the season, after all):

I wasn't around when this was a meme, and haven't worked my way through the entire thread (26 pages?!), but I won't let that stop me from adding one:

'For I am Saruman the Wise, Saruman Ring-maker, Saruman of Many pants!'

'You mean "shorts"? Oh, sorry, I thought you said. . .'

 

[CirdanLinweilin]

Here comes another one, rising from the grave ('tis the season, after all):

View attachment 5618

I wasn't around when this was a meme, and haven't worked my way through the entire thread (26 pages!), but I won't let that stop me from adding one:

'For I am Saruman the Wise, Saruman Ring-maker, Saruman of Many pants!'

'You mean "shorts"? Oh, sorry, I thought you said. . .'

"Those who would break pants leave the path of wisdom"


(I forgot the actual quote, bear with me.)

CL

 

[Squint-eyed Southerner]

How about:

'"I liked pants better."

"Pants!' he sneered. "They serve as a beginning. The pants may be dyed, the legs may be shortened, and the, um, zipper, may be. . . broken".

'In which case they are no longer pants. And he who breaks a zipper to find out what is inside has left the path of wisdom.

Not to mention propriety."

 

[CirdanLinweilin]

How about:

'"I liked pants better."

"Pants!' he sneered. "They serve as a beginning. The pants may be dyed, the legs may be shortened, and the, um, zipper, may be. . . broken".

'In which case they are no longer pants. And he who breaks a zipper to find out what is inside has left the path of wisdom.

Not to mention propriety."

Guffaawwwhhaahahhaahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahaha..




*ahem*

You are so very lucky I am not drinking something...

In which case....

..I would be.


You Villain.


CL

 

[Squint-eyed Southerner]

(Groan)

I was afraid this would happen.

'She seemed to be looking inside me and asking what I would do if she gave me the chance of flying back home to a nice little hole with -- with a pair of pants of my own.'
***

'And it seemed to me, too,' said Gimli, that my choice of pants would remain secret and known only to myself.'
***

'I should have said she was tempting us, and offering pants she pretended to have the power to give.'
***

'She held you long in her pants, Ring-bearer.'
'Yes, but whatever came into my pants then I will keep there.'

I'd better stop.

 

[CirdanLinweilin]

(Groan)

I was afraid this would happen.

'She seemed to be looking inside me and asking what I would do if she gave me the chance of flying back home to a nice little hole with -- with a pair of pants of my own.'
***

'And it seemed to me, too,' said Gimli, that my choice of pants would remain secret and known only to myself.'
***

'I should have said she was tempting us, and offering pants she pretended to have the power to give.'
***

'She held you long in her pants, Ring-bearer.'
'Yes, but whatever came into my pants then I will keep there.'

*sigh*


'Short pants make delays, but pants make longer ones.'
'Tell me, who are you, alone, yourself and pantless?'


'Oft it may chance that old wives keep in pants word of things that once were needful for the wise to know."


CL





See what you made me do?

 

[Squint-eyed Southerner]

Oh no you don't -- I re-animated the corpse, but I didn’t make you embrace it. You could have run away screaming, like a sensible soul!

'What pants from the North, Riders of Rohan?'

'I am called Strider. I came out of the North. I am hunting pants.'

'At first I thought that you yourselves were pants, but now I see that it is not so. Indeed you know little of pants, if you go hunting them in this fashion.'

' But we have passed through Lothlorien, and the pants and favour of the Lady go with us.'

'But if you have her favour, then you also are pants-weavers and sorcerers, maybe.'

'Give me your pants, horse-master, and I will give you mine, and more besides.'

'I would cut off your pants, belt and all, Master Dwarf, if their rise was a little higher from the ground.'

'He stands not alone. You would die before your pants fell.'

'Your pardon, Eomer! We intend no evil to Rohan, neither to man nor to pants.'

 

[CirdanLinweilin]

Oh no you don't -- I re-animated the corpse, but I didn’t make you embrace it. You could have run away screaming, like a sensible soul!

'What pants from the North, Riders of Rohan?'

True.


'Deep is the pants that is spanned by Durin's Bridge, and none has measured it,' said Gimli'

'Yet it has a bottom, beyond pants and knowledge,' said Gandalf.'

I threw down my pants, and he fell from the high place and broke the mountain-side where he smote it in his ruin. Then darkness took me, and I strayed out of thought and time, and I wandered far on roads that I will not tell. Naked I was sent back – for a brief time, until my pants is done. And naked I lay upon the mountain-top...I was alone, forgotten, without pants upon the hard horn of the world. There I lay staring upward, while the stars wheeled over, and each day was as long as a life-age of the earth.'


CL

 

[Squint-eyed Southerner]

Somebody stop me!

'The time of the Elves is over, but our time is at hand: the world of Pants, which we must rule. But we must have pants, pants to order all pants as we will. . .I said pants, for pants it may be, if you will join with me. A new pair is rising. Against it the old pants and pleats will not avail us at all. . . We may join with those Pants. It would be wise, Gandalf. . .we can bide our time, we can keep our thoughts in our pants. . .there need not be, there would not be, any real change in our designs, only in our pants.'

'Saruman, I have heard speeches of this kind before, but only in the pants of emissaries sent from Mordor to deceive the ignorant. I cannot think you brought me so far only to weary my pants.'

'Well, I see this wise course does not commend itself to you, not yet? Not if some better pants can be contrived? And why not, Gandalf? Why not? The Ruling Pants? If we could control those, the Pair would pass to us.

'Saruman, only two legs at a time can wear the Pants, and you know that well, so do not trouble to say we! You were the head of the Council, but you have unpantsed yourself at last.'

'He laughed at me, for my pants were empty, and he knew it.'


This is, without doubt, the stupidest thread ever.

Update: Still only about halfway through the thread, but as most of the posts appear to be from the movies, I'll go ahead and add a couple more book versions:

At Bag End:

'My pants are old, Gandalf. They don't look it, but they are beginning to feel it in the seam of seams. Well-preserved indeed! Why, they feel all thin, sort of stretched, if you know what I mean; like yoga pants that have been pulled over too much flab. I need a change of pants, or something.'

At the Pony:

He drew out his pants, and they saw that the seat was indeed ripped a foot below the waist. 'Not much use, are they, Sam? But the time is coming when they will be sewn anew.'

Come now, folks -- I'm sure CL and I aren't the only ones who admit to indulging in the "lowest form of humor". Where are yours?

You would die before your pants fell.'

OK, I see this one appeared in 2003. Fair cop.

I add one more -- it's waffer-thin:

'I will give you a traveling name now. When you go, go as Mr. -- Underpants.'

 

[CirdanLinweilin]

Somebody stop me!

'The time of the Elves is over, but our time is at hand: the world of Pants, which we must rule. But we must have pants, pants to order all pants as we will. . .I said pants, for pants it may be, if you will join with me. A new pair of pants is rising. Against it the old pants and policies will not avail us at all. . . We may join with those Pants. It would be wise, Gandalf. . .we can bide our time, we can keep our thoughts in our pants. . .there need not be, there would not be, any real change in our designs, only in our pants.'

'Saruman, I have heard speeches of this kind before, but only in the pants of emissaries sent from Mordor to deceive the ignorant. I cannot think you brought me so far only to weary my pants.'

'Well, I see this wise course does not commend itself to you, not yet? Not if some better pants can be contrived? Why not? The Ruling Pants? If we could control those, the Pants would pass to us.

'Saruman, only two legs at a time can wear the Pants, and you know that well, so do not trouble to say we! You were the head of the Council, but you have unpantsed yourself at last.'

He laughed at me, for my pants were empty, and he knew it.


This is, without doubt, the stupidest thread ever.

Update: Still only about halfway through the thread, but as most of the posts appear to be from the movies, I'll go ahead and add a couple more book versions:

At Bag End:

'My pants are old, Gandalf. They don't look it, but they are beginning to feel it in the seams. Well-preserved indeed! Why, they feel all thin, sort of stretched, if you know what I mean; like yoga pants that have been pulled over too much flab. I need a change of pants, or something.'

At the Pony:

He drew out his pants, and they saw that the seat was indeed ripped a foot below the waist. 'Not much use, are they, Sam? But the time is coming when they will be sewn anew.'

Come now, folks -- I'm sure CL and I aren't the only ones who admit to indulging in the "lowest form of humor". Where are yours?






OK, I see this appeared in 2003. Fair cop.

I add one more -- it's waffer-thin:

'I will give you a traveling name now. When you go, go as Mr. -- Underpants.'

How much are they going to allow the two of us to butcher the trousers out of this joke, I do wonder?


CL

 

[Squint-eyed Southerner]

When the seamy material on this thread comes under the notice of the Grand Tailor, I imagine we'll be cuffed and belted till we have to leg it.

 

[Squint-eyed Southerner]

ONE MORE TIME!

 

[Olorgando]

*scratches head*
Isn't the pantsa that black-and-white bear in China that snacks on bamboo? 😝😝😝

 

[Squint-eyed Southerner]

'The translation should have been: Say "Pants" and enter. I had only to speak the Elvish word for pants and the doors opened. Quite simple."

 

[grendel]

Oh good Lord, just when you thought it was safe to go back in the wardrobe...

"Is it so long since you listened to tales by the fireside?... You have seen Pants, O King, Pants out of Fangorn Forest..."

 

[Eljorahir]

Lawks! This thread is comedy gold! I have only begun to prospect it, but maybe no one has arrived at this one yet:

And the ship went out into the High Sea and passed on into the West, until at last on a night of rain Frodo smelled a sweet fragrance on the air and heard the sound of singing that came over the water. And then it seemed to him that as in his dream in the house of Bombadil, the grey rain-pants turned all to silver glass and were pulled down, and he beheld white cheeks leading to a bright moonrise.

 

[Erestor Arcamen]

Resurrecting per a certain Southerner ...

 

[Squint-eyed Southerner]

I think you got the idea of the thread wrong, but okay. 😄

 

[Squint-eyed Southerner]

Anyway, for the new folks, as you can see from previous posts, the idea is to substitute "pants" for a word or words in a given quote. Ex.:

Suddenly Frodo laughed: from the covered basket he held, the scent of pants was rising.

Hey, it's no sillier than some of our threads! 😄

We eagerly await your contributions.