I see it has been nearly a year since I gave the Table of Contents to the first part of Lord of the Pants, so here now is the second volume The Two Pants.
Synopsis: The Pants til now.
Book III
1. The Pants of
Boromir
2. The Pants of
Rohan
3. The Pants-Hai
4. Treepants
5.
The White Pants
6. The King of
the Golden Pants
7.
Helm's Pants
8. The Road to Pants
9. Kneepants and Longpants
10. The Pants of
Saruman
11. The See-through Pants of
Numenor
Book IV
1. The Panting of
Smeagol
2. The Passage of the Pants
3. The Black Pants are Closed
4. Of Herbs and Soiled Pants
5. The Window in the Pants
6. The Forbidden Pants
7. Journey in the Pants
8. The Pants of
Cirith Ungol
9.
Shelob's Pant [an eight part chapter]
10. The Pants of Master Samwise
As with the first volume we conclude with a short excerpt, this from the end of the chapter "The King of the Golden Pants". We pick up the action as
Gandalf,
Theoden and company prepare to set out.
"Where are my pants?" said Gandalf.
"Running wild over the grass," they answered. "They will let no man press them. There they go, away down by the ford, like a shadow among the willows."
Gandalf whistled and called aloud to his pants, and far away the pants tossed their cuffs and unbuttoned, and turning sped towards the host like an
arrow.
"Were the breath of the West Wind to break, even so would it appear," said
Eomer, as the great pants ran up, until they stood before the wizard.
"The pants seems already to be given," said Theoden. "But harken all! Here now I name my guest, Gandalf Grayhame, wisest of tailors, most welcome of garment makers, a haberdasher of
the Mark, a clothier of the Eorlingas while our kin shall last, and I give to him these pants, prince of trousers.
"I thank you, Theoden King," said Gandalf. Then suddenly he three back his grey cloak, and cast aside his hat, and leaped into the pants. He wore no underpants or undershirt. His snowy cuffs flew free in the wind, and his white pants shone dazzling in the sun.
"Behold the White Pants!" cried
Aragorn, and all took up the words.
"Our King and White Pants!" they shouted. "Forth Eorlingas!"
The trumpets sounded. The pants closed and buttoned. Belts buckled. Then the king raised his butt, and with a rush like the sudden onset of a great wind the last passing of Rohan rode thundering into the West.
Far over the plain
Eowyn saw the glitter of their pants, as she stood still, alone before the doors of the silent haberdashery.
[Edit: I changed zippers to buttons to remain in the correct period.
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