What are you writing about now?

I figured I was getting better at the subtle rewording of sentences to allow me to remove "that", so I started back at the beginning of book 2.

Now only have 1195 usages of that in the document (from 1584), and I've kept 61 of the ones I've reviewed. That's an 85% kill ratio. Apparently, it's also enough to change the evaluation on 'that' usages from "average" to "good". And I'm not even halfway thru the book yet! I bet I can easily remove another 600 of them or more!

AutoCrit will run your writing through several different reading comprehension scoring systems. The intent of each of them is to tell us what grade level of reading skill is needed to read the work. The edits reduced the grade level requirement by a full grade level. That's good, it means it's an easier read than it was.

Down to 574 usages of 'that' from 1584, and I've decided to keep 305 of those. 77% kill ratio!

It was a long day editing, but I caught (and fixed!) a number of small inconsistencies and one medium one I still need to fix.

On an (almost) totally unrelated factoid to this thread, I received my copy of Lord of Maps by Isaac Dushku. He makes maps of real places in the style of a Tolkien map. They are just so very awesome! I want to go to all the places! You can find lots of examples of his maps online. I have to do a number of maps for my book and I'm definitely using that style.

david_wendelken said:

AutoCrit will run your writing through several different reading comprehension scoring systems

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I sense a growing desire in my heartwood to take a peek at this AutoCrit.
Sounds like it may relieve me from being ManualCrit, and then some..!! 😁

OK, I've done a VERY brief review of AutoCrit. I can say on the surface it seems like a very good learning tool.

that said, one of the initial sentences I read says:

"The overall score shows you how many indicators your text had in each category. For example, you can see here that the main issues are with repetition and bland writing.""

I feel like Charlie Brown. AAUUGGHHHHHHH...! A completely useless 'that' in a work devoted to selling a tool for writing skill. One must wonder if they use it themselves. But this doesn't have to do with the tool...rather with the particular writer.

Anyway, I'll review some more...also want to cover pricing issues, which I've not gotten to yet.

Well. I have now reviewed AutoCrit more, including pricing.
There are several ways to go about it... some, two particularly, VErY good deals right now.
Next step would be to do the '14 day free trial' I suppose, when the time comes.

I would say it is definitely for the person seriously dedicated to writing and improving a progect at hand, or on an ongoing basis.

That is, it appears there are 'monthly prices' available able to be paid for 'as needed'... a very good annual price available for the middle-level, costing barely more than the lowest level 'monthly price', and a 'lifetime membership price' available at the price of just 2 annual memberships.

Its focus and strengths are for Fiction Writers... rather than the majority of others, which help more with business and technical writing.
it also has options (at the higher level) for more 'genre specific' criteria evaluation.

A nifty tool... once I start writing my own stuff in ernest, after all this Editing finishes up, I will need to consier this strongly.

Here's my take on AutoCrit so far. Note I'm only referring to the edition features, I have not tried the story design/creation features.

There's nothing ESSENTIAL in it that I've found, so far, that I couldn't do with a free Grammarly account, MS Word, the Find Next feature in MS Word, a goodly bit of my time, and -- here's the important part -- the list of things to go find. Using the macro feature of word would let me automate a number of the things that AutoCrit automates for me.

But -- here's the important part -- that pre-supposes I know what to check for and I'm willing to spend that time doing work instead of writing/editing. I'm iffy on the first one and not at all interested in the latter given the price point.

Now, I will say that the comparison feature to other authors/genres is a nice-to-have feature. It helps perfectionist me have a better idea of what to aim for.

For the price, the features, the amount of writing I do, and the strength of my desire to write well, AutoCrit has been a good product for me. I suspect that by the time I finish editing my current progress on my 3-book set, most of the check list warnings it supplies will be 2nd nature to fix as I do the initial draft. Or, more accurately, most of the check list my CURRENT writing style triggers will be second nature to avoid. What's good about a product like this is that it's probably already got checks for the new batch of mistakes I'll be making soon.

david_wendelken said:

What's good about a product like this is that it's probably already got checks for the new batch of mistakes I'll be making soon.

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LOL. Indeed.
It would SEEM to me, for a serious writer, if one used it through about 2 years or 4 books, the 'education' it may provide would be complete.

The interesting thing: Right now, an annual scrip for 2 years for the middle-tier Crit would be $288.96. The Lifetime Use is just $299.xx on sale.

Another thing is, how much might it improve? this is a "somewhat" still emerging market, with AI ever in the background and growing as well to help.
Too, it is as yet preponderantly based on 'current preferences in writing'... which are also ever-changing.
I wonder how it will deal with environments where we may want to intentionally work in an older style or alternate preference. This is not all covered by 'genre'.
Thus, the Author still needs to be as savvy as a Valarian Minstrel and wise as Eru, to not let the product actually mislead.

Also that said, a number of different folks are vieing for domination of market share in this product's marketplace at this time, and some will undoubtedly go the way of the pterodactyl. So what does a 'lifetime subscription' really mean?

Life is ever full of choices.

Thwack... off Ent's branches, into your proverbial 'courts.' I suggest a conversation with the resident Sherlock Holmes, who may be able to shed some light into the darkness.

As for me, I still think I'll reconsider when I'm heavily involved and can devote undistracted time, choose a product then, and spend a year or two using it as a training device... in other words, I'll become @david_wendelken for a time.

Well, we got the first look at our cover art for the book. It's very nice...near beautiful to these eyes. But we're hoping for a few small but significant changes, to bring Gandalf, and his staff, a little more in line with Tolkien's Lore, and less in line with Cinematic production appearances. Artist also forgot his pipe. (Gasp...!!)

We're getting very, very close. Have two opportunities to correct the artwork.

Ent said:

Well, we got the first look at our cover art for the book. It's very nice...near beautiful to these eyes. But we're hoping for a few small but significant changes, to bring Gandalf, and his staff, a little more in line with Tolkien's Lore, and less in line with Cinematic production appearances. Artist also forgot his pipe. (Gasp...!!)

We're getting very, very close. Have two opportunities to correct the artwork.

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Pictures or it didn't happen!

david_wendelken said:

Pictures or it didn't happen!

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A lovely thought.
And while I appreciate the sentiment, I've been consistent in wanting all the 'stuff' of Jeb's book (including the Gandalf and Sauron art done under my guidance, ownership given to me, and ultimately used in the appendix I wrote), to be first seen in the release of his book.

Were it not for him, none of it would exist.

It's his work...I'm just a tag-along editor, being blessed with a wonderful ride through a new book, with perhaps a slightly larger than normal 'editor's' role in this particular case. So with significant effort I continue to restrain my branches and twigs, not being comfortable to reveal anything in advance of his time.

The book will be out soon now, and I'm sure he will post it here (he's a member - our own @1stvermont) with picture and introduction so you can see it, as he did with his last excellent book The Road Goes Ever On And On, in which I did not participate other than as a very early reader.

After that who knows, perhaps I can show some 'before' and 'after' iterations of the art so you can see the progression. Most certainly I'll have a posting with 'my' Sauron and Gandalf juxtaposed with explanation, as noted somewhere else here I think.

The same will hold for his book Missing Monarchy as it works toward arrival. A very different work, dealing in a far different, "real world, historical and present day" realm, yet still derivative in some ways of Tolkien's work, with Tolkien references to a minor degree. In my own words currently, it is a thunderous exposé of a great deal of misunderstood fact, resultant fiction, and necessary realignment so we have a clear view of what was, and what now is. (And for the thinking person, what is to come.)

He plans a sequel to Missing Monarchy, and I've offered my services should he ever choose to revise and expand The Road.
But he now tells me he won't allow it so I can write my own books.

I just wish he'd quit writing on such excellent and needed subjects. The thought of not helping with them is unpleasant to me.

Oh well. Ents are, if nothing else, somewhat strange creatures.

I have about 100 "looked" verbs to check out and replace with what I really meant to say. After that, I'll be looking at adverbs.

Now, when I saw the reports listing adverbs as a problem, I was confused. What's wrong with adverbs? Silently, quickly, softly, etc., are darned useful words!

Here's an excerpt from one of the writing advice threads on the website.:

"

Re-write this in your own words, but with a ‘showing’ narrative instead of a telling one:

Ria walked inside the house angrily. She put the rejection letter from school down on the table hard.

Her mom, who was cooking at the old wood-fire stove in the corner, looked at her with a slightly suspicious, slightly puzzled expression.

“Are you okay, honey?” her mom asked.

Ria gave her mother a sarcastic look and asked, “What do you think?”

“Don’t take that tone of voice with me,” said her mom.

“Why do you care?!” Ria shouted.

Ria walked furiously up the stairs and locked herself in her room. Her parents would never understand.

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I wondered, "What's wrong with that? It's clear, you know what's going on and what the characters are thinking.
Here's how one person responded to the challenge:

The door crashed shut behind Ria. She crumpled the rejection letter from school and slammed it onto the hall table.

Cooking smells, smoke from the solid-fuel stove, and Mom’s squeaky voice. “You okay, honey?” Her sweaty face, topped with stringy hair drooping over the eyes, now added a tilted question to her eyebrows.

Great. Ria didn’t need that, too. “What do you think?” She hadn’t meant it to come out so strident, but she couldn’t help it, and it was better than breaking down into a sob-fest.

“Don’t take that tone of voice, young lady.”

“Why do you care?” Ria stormed past the kitchen, stamped on each step on the way up to her bedroom and slammed that door, too. The pain in her chest throbbed up into her throat and she slid to the floor. Her parents would never understand why it mattered.

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I have to say, I think that's way better! I have lots and lots of re-writing to do based on this lesson.

Yes, Tolkien is an example of this 'showing' vs. 'saying' business too...
For example, he doesn't SAY (or just say) Sam is a very devoted individual. He uses what Sam DOES to reveal his devotion.
Adverbs are very useful. But not always 'demonstrative.'

An example popped into my head:

.. "Sally left the meeting hurriedly and happily, returned to her cubicle and quickly dialed the phone to share the news."

.. "Sally flew out of the meeting and down the hallway, sporting a huge grin. Diving into her cubicle, she could not punch the numbers into the phone fast enough to share the news."

Speaking of using software to help write something, I have to write an artist statement. What's worse is I have to pretend (because I have too much artistic taste to believe!) that the drawings I've done in class are part of an exhibit and an important body of work.

Don't get me wrong. I couldn't draw worth a darn last August and now I can competently draw a goodly number of things. I'm proud as heck of my progress. But I simply can't pretend that the unartistic folks of the chosen 5 drawings for this exhibition are anything resembling professional quality work. There are elements in them that are, but they are surrounded by mediocre, obviously beginner-level student work.

I wrote two different versions of the statement, neither of which will likely pass muster for the assignment. One had the distinct virtue of being witty. The other had the distinct virtue coming up with a way to plausibly pretend this work would be worth buying by anyone not suffering from the 2020 toilet paper shortage. I'm please to say that both suffered from being totally honest and from the high level of clarity in the writing.

In frustration, I posted both on my Facebook account and invited my friends to spew forth their opinions of them. (Only fair, as that's what I just did to them!)

One ran them thru chatGPT and it did a remarkably good job. I mean, a really good job. It spewed out high quality junk based on my artist statements.
What's more, using chatGPT using our own writing as a seed is allowed for this assignment. I'm taking a much needed break from it and actually making art. But I'll look at it in another hour and tweak it, and probably keep the chatGPT version. It turns out it's a fine junk generator.

david_wendelken said:

Speaking of using software to help write something, I have to write an artist statement. What's worse is I have to pretend (because I have too much artistic taste to believe!) that the drawings I've done in class are part of an exhibit and an important body of work.

Don't get me wrong. I couldn't draw worth a —— last August and now I can competently draw a goodly number of things. I'm proud as —— of my progress. But I simply can't pretend that the artistic —— of the chosen 5 drawings for this exhibition are anything resembling professional quality work. There are elements in them that are, but they are surrounded by mediocre, obviously beginner-level student work.

I wrote two different versions of the statement, neither of which will likely pass muster for the assignment. One had the distinct virtue of being witty. The other had the distinct virtue coming up with a way to plausibly pretend this work would be worth buying by anyone not suffering from the 2020 toilet paper shortage. I'm please to say that both suffered from being totally honest and from the high level of clarity in the writing.

In frustration, I posted both on my Facebook account and invited my friends to vomit forth their opinions of them. (Only fair, as that's what I just did to them!)

One ran them thru chatGPT and it did a remarkably good job. I mean, a really good job. It spewed out high quality —— based on my artist statements.
What's more, using chatGPT using our own writing as a seed is allowed for this assignment. I'm taking a much needed break from it and actually making art. But I'll look at it in another hour and tweak it, and probably keep the chatGPT version. It turns out it's a —— fine —— generator.

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If you don’t mind, could you please refrain from using foul language? You can get your point across plenty fine without needing to sully it. There are better word choices one can use. I’m pretty sure one of the rules here is about prohibiting such vocabulary on the forum as well. Thank you!

Fingon_Findekáno said:

If you don’t mind, could you please refrain from using foul language? You can get your point across plenty fine without needing to sully it. There are better word choices one can use. I’m pretty sure one of the rules here is about prohibiting such vocabulary on the forum as well. Thank you!

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Edited. You might want to remove the offending parts from where you copied them.

david_wendelken said:

Edited. You might want to remove the offending parts from where you copied them.

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Thank you, I appreciate it. There’s also the last line in your post you missed, by the way.

I edited my post as you suggested. Thank you!

Fingon_Findekáno said:

There’s also the last line in your post you missed, by the way.

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I fixed this and a couple other places. (But I left the 'unnecessary that'. 😁)

Ent said:

I fixed this and a couple other places. (But I left the 'unnecessary that'. 😁)

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Thank you!

Fingon_Findekáno said:

Thank you!

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You're welcome. I've not seen this kind of thing from @david_wendelken before... his stuff has been real quality stuff.
We'll just assume he was having a bad day or something. We all have those.

I sense a couple of my own, yesterday and today, as I see the vitriol about RoP picking up again...not that I defend RoP. I could not care less about it. I just wish folks could find more profitable ways to use their time.

But I will shut up about it now, having had my say (again), until and unless it starts to get demeaning toward other individuals. As long as they just waste their time trashing RoP itself, I guess that's the best we can expect.

Ent said:

You're welcome. I've not seen this kind of thing from @david_wendelken before... his stuff has been real quality stuff.
We'll just assume he was having a bad day or something. We all have those.

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Thanks. I've never heard of anyone who has had a good day writing an artist statement. Writing one poisons the soul and reading most of them numbs the brain.