What are you writing about now?

[david_wendelken]

I just finished my evaluation of Final Draft 12. It's a screenplay writing tool that includes an industry-standard screenplay-aware word processor and a number of tools to help writers outline and structure their story. It looks really good and the interface seems very well thought out and efficient to use. www.FinalDraft.com
Now I need to convert my existing partially written screenplay into this tool so when I get stuck moving forward on my Tolkien-world novels, I can see what comes out on my modern-day thriller instead.

Why might you care?

Well, if you want to write a screenplay, this might help you out. It's heads above the free one I started with on my screenplay.

What if you don't want to write a screenplay? If, like me, you were plodding along with just a plain ole word processor program, you might want to see what other types of writing assistance features are available. I'm mentioning this program in particular for this purpose because they have a website that has 12 brief videos covering the product features, many of which deal with story structure, outlining, collaboration, etc. You can find them here: https://www.finaldraft.com/learn/final-draft-12-quick-start/

For a low-tech version of the outlining and story structure helpers, check out www.FabulaDeck.com. The techniques they used were very helpful to me.

 

[Ent]

Remember in writing to deal with 'what is important'.

Evaluate this bit from Amazon.com, who I ordered a product from yesterday. (Personally, I find it nauseous.)
-- "We wanted to let you know that we have shipped your items."

First of course, eliminate the useless 'that'.
But then.... so what if "we" wanted to let you know "we" have shipped your items? How self-serving..!
Amazon, you're just GREAT. Wonderful. Yeah. Yay, you.

Yet what's really important to the customer? And from both the customers perspective and (should be) Amazon's sales/marketing perspective, who is important?

The salient features: "Your items have been shipped." Perhaps even "Thank you for your purchase. Your items have been shipped."

Now THIS puts the customers first. The customers. Oh yeah, the ones making Amazon the massive revenue giant it has become. The giant who can be seen to have lost its way in many ways.

We reveal ourselves and where our focus really lies all through our writing.
Work to be sure you're sending the message briefly, correctly focused, and with the perspective you really want to send,

 

[david_wendelken]

Just re-wrote half of one chapter to be in 1st person. It's a letter from one character to another and something unusual happened to them. They were exposed to some moss corrupted by water flowing from one of the Morgoth's ruins in the mountains north of the Bay of Forochel. (Think of the weirdness mentioned about the lands between Beren's homeland and Doriath for an example.) It disordered her thoughts in time and space, made it hard for her to find the right words for common items in her mind, and also garbled the speech processing centers of the brain, so words she spoke or heard were all garbled up on a syllable basis.

I decided to have her write that experience in 1st person as she felt the immediacy, disorientation and confusion she felt under the worst of its effects could best be explained that way. She started off the letter normally, then continued normally after she related her first impressions of it.

FYI, the healer treating her was from the area and familiar with the effects, and knew it would (most likely) wear off after some days or weeks. The healer had also, in the past, learned that the speech processing centers of the brain are different from those that process singing. Guessing that her patient was a bard and would know some tales at an instinctual level, she communicated by flawlessly playing a tale on a hammer dulcimer and banging extra hard on the notes of interest. After a couple of tries, the patient figured out the words of the tale that went with the hard-hammered notes were a message that the patient could interpret because they didn't hear they words thru their ears, they recalled them from "memory-muscle."

 

[david_wendelken]

I'm writing a quick preface for Book 2 that includes "stuff the reader needs to know" before reading the book.

I'm doing this because Book 1 isn't finished and that will make it easier for beta-readers to understand the full ramifications of some things they'll encounter. Plus, unlike the Lord of the Rings, which was officially written by Hobbits, who tended to use the common tongue names for things, Book 2 is written by elves about events that are largely in elven lands. So they use the elven names for places. Tolkien nerds like me don't find that a problem but many folks aren't so far into the deep end as I am. So I'm including a brief place name translation. Caradhras instead of Redhorn, Imladris instead of Rivendell, Hithaeglir instead of Misty Mountains, etc.

Plus a list of characters from book 1, mostly long dead but who still cast light or shadow onto the events in my story. Each entry will have a character sketch composed of a sentence or three, explaining why they were mentioned. I'll probably add footnotes the first time they are referenced in the text, just because.

There will also be 2 references to entries in the appendices that are actually chapters from Book 1, as the events of those chapters have a bearing on many things that happen in Book 2.

 

[Maedhros_Nelyafinwë]

I decided to have her write that experience in 1st person as she felt the immediacy, disorientation and confusion she felt under the worst of its effects could best be explained that way.

Playing with perspective is fun! The vast majority of my book is in close 1st person because I want the reader to feel my main character's feelings, and have some things come as a surprise to the reader. I want the reader tricked when my main character is tricked.

Once I had a beta reader tell me they thought I should rewrite the book in 3rd person. The book was over 180,000 words at the time and is currently over 260,000 words. So, no, I am NOT rewriting it in third person. Besides, the point of my book is not to be a Tolkien-esque worldbuilding expedition. It's a character study, and I like the limitations of seeing my world through one character's eyes.

Anyway, I just wrote about 1,000 words, which isn't too bad! I think my momentum is coming back now that I've been getting back into working on the book regularly. Hopefully I'll be back into writing 1,600-2,000 words per two hour session soon.

 

[Ent]

260,000

I'm assuming none of these are 'that'...! (Though if they are, I'm SURE they are 'proper thats.')

Thanks for sharing. It's always fun to get back to putting some 'ink on paper.' (Ok, Ok... use your imaginations.)

As for the Ent, I near the end of the editing of chapters in this next book. It's been (and continues to be) very slow. The book covers very important ground.

Thoughts turn to the Introduction to be written, and today the author and i were discussing the Appendix and its direction and content (in brief) as well.

True confession: writing an Introduction for another author's book makes my roots quake, my branches shake, and my leaves flake.
The intro is such an important part..! But it's why I've waited until I've nearly finished the text editing as well. It needs to 'hit the mark'.

The Appendix is going to be very fun. Of the many things it COULD have been written on, what it WILL be written on fell out of the sky as I was editing yesterday. (Thus we were discussing it this morning.)

Always in motion is the future. (Yoda).

Anyway, soon now... attention turns from editing to creative writing... then on to Entish book pursuits.

I think I mentioned "Middle-earth Lore" will be out soon now. Originally scheduled for January, it's been postponed to Feb. or Mar. to give it a proper setup and launch.

 

[Maedhros_Nelyafinwë]

I'm assuming none of these are 'that'...! (Though if they are, I'm SURE they are 'proper thats.')

Working on it. 😂 The vast majority of the book was written before I learned about Useless That. I'm picking them off slowly but surely!

As for the Ent, I near the end of the editing of chapters in this next book. It's been (and continues to be) very slow. The book covers very important ground.

Congratulations on making progress! An Ent must not be hasty, after all.

 

[Tyelkormo the Fair]

Congratulations on making progress! An Ent must not be hasty, after all.

Can I be hasty?🙋
I'm the hasty riser!

 

[Glorfindel Goldtress]

Can I be hasty? I'm the hasty riser!

This is where I would have reacted with a raised hand emoji. *Coughs*

 

[Tyelkormo the Fair]

This is where I would have reacted with a raised hand emoji. *Coughs*

Done!

 

[Ent]

How 'bout 'what writing projects are you THINKING about right now?' Does that count?

@Glorfindel Goldtress -

Just FYI - I was reviewing some old posts. Bumped into some things from a couple months ago where the "3 Pillars" of my Appendix, as I was calling them at the time, were under discussion.

You brought up 'Grace', and I noted certianly it was there, but I didn't hold it quite as highly in his work as the others.

Well... just so you know, when I write the book it's going to need to be included. There are actually 5 pillars in my view at this time.
And while Tolkien said he didn't want any 'overt Christianity' in his works (or anybody elses) seeing it as a mistake, as we know he also said (3 paragraphs later) the 'elements' of religion MUST be included in any mythological work.

So... delving into the 'elements' he's actually included, which I will work into being 'pillars' in my book, at a minimum I will be dealing withi his display of Faith, Choice, Providence, Grace, and Works. These 5 'elements' are to be found in virtually every religion in one way or another (except Satanic or certain other cults I'll not name here).

Anyway, thought I'd update you on it...
I struggle so with which book (or set of books) to write first... but this one would actually be a bit easier than the Trilogy, for example.

I may attend to it first, and it would provide a good backdrop then for the work on "Tolkien's Characters..." which intends to demonstrate what Tolkien is working to show and tell us in and through the various folk he included.

As I get closer to starting my own stuff here and research continues, my heartwood is all a-rage with thoughts.

 

[Maedhros_Nelyafinwë]

Wrote 1,500 words over the past two hours, which is much closer to my old habit of writing 1,500-2,000 words per day, back in 2020 when I was participating in NaNoWriMo.

And there were zero Useless That's in those 1,500 words! There were two "debatable that's" of the subordinate conjunction variety, but I use those sparingly, only when the sentence is really difficult to rework and it reads more smoothly with the "that."

 

[david_wendelken]

When I first started using Autocrit to help me edit, I picked a report, picked a problem (like overuse of that or looked), and slogged my way thru an entire book trying to fix just that one thing. It was an efficient way to do the work. It was also good training because since I was only focused on one task at a time, I kept different possible solutions in mind - so picking a way to fix it was faster.

But darn, was it boring!

Now that I've locked in a wide range of skills by doing that, I'm now going thru the fully-written chapters on book 1, the prequel to the one I've "finished". I've changed my working method. I still run one report after another and focus on one type of fix at a time, but I limit myself to just one chapter at a time.

First of all, and most important to me, it's much less boring. That means I'm more likely to do it and be thorough about the task.
Second, since I'm only loading a chapter at a time into autocrit (I'm giving each chapter its own autocrit file), the reports run much faster. They only have to check a few thousand words at a time instead of 150,000+.

Readability grade levels on the edited chapters are dropping by 1 to 2.5 grade levels. That means I'm making my sentences simpler and shorter and my paragraphs shorter still by tightening them up to cover one specific thought instead of a larger, more generic one.

Two reports in particular have helped me make the writing flow better. One looks at repetitive usages of important words in the same or adjacent paragraphs. Sometimes that's exactly what I wanted to do, sometimes I'm repeating information unnecessarily, and sometimes it was just lazy or unaware writing. I can get thru the report on a chapter pretty quickly and the fixes are almost always easier.
The other report is a pacing & momentum report. Paragraphs are marked as "slow-paced" based on an algorithm that considers the use of passive vs active voice, the length and complexity of the sentences, and the number of sentences. Sometimes the fix is to take a paragraph that included 7 sentences about a topic into two paragraphs that cover specific components of that topic. Sometimes it's to rewrite the sentences to make them simpler.
Either way, when rewriting the sentences, I often need to add some additional info just to make it read better. It's a win-win. The reader gets a more readable story and one that provides more detail, too.

 

[david_wendelken]

I run grammar and spelling checks using Grammarly.

These are the editing checks I'm doing. with Autocrit:

Readability Stats to get pre-edit grade-level.
Cliche. Not a big problem for me. It's rare I've used one. When I have, I try to invent a culturally appropriate replacement.
Unnecessary Filler Words. For example, catches the use of "that".
Generic Descriptions. For example, catches the use of "looked" instead of glanced, stared, gazed, regarded, turned their attention to, etc.
Word Frequency. Let's me know if I've used a word unexpectedly often. Lots of false positives in this one, but it can still quickly catch a few problems.
Repeated words. The use of the same important word multiple times in the same or adjacent paragraphs. Fixing it simplifies and shortens the sentences and paragraphs.
Adverbs. Catches weak descriptions instead of vivid ones and also telling vs showing.
Showing vs Telling. Catches the narrator telling the reader what the person feels or thinks instead of showing them thru specific actions.
Passive Indicators. Helps avoid passive speech instead of active speech.
Tense Consistency. Helps catch switching from past to present to future and back again inappropriately.
Pacing. Tightens up paragraphs into a single, specific topic instead of a larger, more general topic. Also helps identify long or complicated sentences clumped together.
Readability Stats to get new post-edit grade level.

There are other reports to run, but these are the ones I've incorporated into my editing. The burden isn't bad a chapter at a time.

 

[david_wendelken]

I'm sitting in a cheap hotel room avoiding the parties tonight at the metalworking symposium I'm attending. My wife has surgery scheduled in 9 days and I don't want to mess things up by getting sick.

But Autocrit is a web-based product and the connection speed is slow, so I'm slogging thru Book 1 (the prequel) killing off unnecessary usages of the word "that". 199,000 words in Book 1, 1594 of which were "that".

Now there are only 984. I've left 240 in place. Not because I want to, but because I'm tired and if the sentence requires more than the most obvious rewording to ditch a "that", I'm skipping it. I expect another pass through the survivors will cut their number in half.

I'll see if I can get below 900 before bedtime and below 500 before bedtime tomorrow.

 

[Ent]

These are the editing checks I'm doing. with Autocrit:

A very nice batch of editing checks.
Naturally, I gave a 'woot woot' at seeing the one below. It tends to demonstrate I'm not alone in my distaste for 'that' (and as I've noted, other 'filler words' of equal uselessness but I've not harped on them much yet, 'That' is just being the most obvious and jarring, and dealing with it alone normally improves one's writing far more dramatically than any other single item or issue.)

I have many 'critics' including authors. But my response matches a recent commercial about the food "spam.' "Don't knock it untill you've fried it."
It's always easier to criticize, than make an effort and possibly learn something. (Wow, now there's a statement with a broad impact..!)

Unnecessary Filler Words. For example, catches the use of "that".

But Autocrit is a web-based product and the connection speed is slow, so I'm slogging thru Book 1 (the prequel) killing off unnecessary usages of the word "that". 199,000 words in Book 1, 1594 of which were "that".

Now there are only 984. I've left 240 in place. Not because I want to, but because I'm tired and if the sentence requires more than the most obvious rewording to ditch a "that", I'm skipping it. I expect another pass through the survivors will cut their number in half.

I'll see if I can get below 900 before bedtime and below 500 before bedtime tomorrow.

I personally always shoot for at least an 80% reduction in other people's work(s), as I think I've written somewhere. Even many 'proper thats' used can be readily done away with to advantage.

The one saving grace for a "proper 'that'" is it sometimes drives quickly and directly to the point, where replacing it could require a little adjustment of syntax or addition--not always 'preferred' depending on the objective of the text at hand. Particularly in essay, business or technical writing for example. In 'story' its value declines dramatically.

(As you know, in my own work I seek a 0% usage of the unseemly creature.)

Recently I've been reading Crichton's Dragon's Teeth as noted in the 'what book are you reading' thread. He seemed by the time he wrote it (2017) to have learned to write almost without use of the cur, several chapters going by with only a couple incidents.

Right after I had posted my positive comment on his writing in "What book are you reading...," picking the book back up to continue, the very first sentence of the next chapter delivered a neanderthal 'that' of such tremendous impact and uselessness I fell from my reading rock. Though it was difficult, I managed to crawl back onto the ledge to continue. So far once again he's pretty much left his unsavory 'that' club in his cave.

 

[Ent]

Adverbs.

Adverbs are intriguing, as sometimes they're what's needed in syntax to eliminate an impropern, and at times even a 'proper that.'
But they are indeed disastrous to 'action.'

Example: He ran to the store quickly. Or... He quickly drove to the store.
vs.
He left the house at a dead run, closed the distance to the store in record time, and burst in, wheezing from the effort.
He yanked open the car door, insterting the key while leaping into it. Eliminating the space between accelerator pedal and floorboard, he noted he'd arrived at the store in a stunningly short time.


There are of course literally billions and trillions of ways to 'say the same thing' imaginatively. And the words used, though they share the same event, can either invoke a Greater, or a Lesser, sense of need and/or panic.

the question is not 'does the text need the action'. The only question is 'what action does the text really need.'

Identification, evaluation, analysis and replacement of adverbs is as much a skill as any other writing skill, going well beyond the adverb itself.

And again this is situational.

In a real business situation or environment, for example, the boss writes or says 'fire him, quickly.'
He does not write or say 'Charge out of this office, run the distance between here and his, hurl yourself through his door, and declare in a loud voice 'You're Outta Here..!!!'

However, once the boss has communicated the word 'quickly,' if we are WRITING about the response of the person he was talking to, we would certainly want to be descriptive.
John, the company president, said "fire him, quickly." (good use of an adverb.)
Elliott turned, striding out of the office, face set in determination. He closed* the distance between the offices in seconds, strode into Smithy's, raised** his voice a notch or two, and said 'Smithy, you're outta here..!'

I'd like to highlight a couple things here:

* Note the difference between "covered the distance between" and "closed the distance between." Which word set conveys more 'purpose and determination' to the text, and the reader?

** Note the difference between "strode into Smithy's, raised his voice a notch or two.." and "strode into Smithy's and raising his voice a notch or two..."
.... though the difference here is small, see the difference in delivery of 'intention' with the use of 'raised' vs. 'raising' ?? Subtle, but 'raised' carries more intent behid it. Also, in the 2nd, use of the 'passive and' detracts from intention. There is a lesser difference if 'raised his voice' is compared with 'raising his voice' without the passive 'and' in there.

If we wrote "strode into Smythy's. Raising his voice just a notch or two..." we would convey not only intent, but both purpose and control into the picture, showing the 'limitation' (just a notch or two) he specifically CHOSE to employ.

If he were to just barge in and say "You're out of here" with no descriptor at all, we would need to 'guess' at the intensity or excitement used. As well as whether Elliott was speaking louder due to tension, or excitement, or INtension and control.

Again, what does the text and scene REQUIRE... (what are YOU trying to get across)... and how do you best deliver that.

Tolkien: "...laboring over every word."

p.s. @david_wendelken - what you continue to do for the writers here is remarkable, providing them great input for their work and works into the future..!!!

 

[david_wendelken]

Well, I finished my first "that extermination edit" through book 1. I've gone from just under 1600 usages of "that" to 505. Woot!

I went for the easy wins, the 'that' usages that added zero value or those whose removal required the simplest and most obvious sentence changes. Anything harder I just skipped over and will edit in another pass.

Getting rid of almost 1100 usages of 'that' is a good start.

I'm not bothered by the remaining 505 usages.

Why?
Book 1's text is a mishmash between chapters that are in a good story format, chapters that read like an RPG module, chapters that contain detailed notes about the story to be written in them, and other chapters that just have a very rough, unedited, stream-of-consciousness listing of ideas I think might belong there (or somewhere else in the book), and chapters that have a title and nothing more.

There are even several chapters that have several versions because it wasn't clear to me which individual file written decades ago was the most definitive version, so I plopped all the versions into the book to have them in one place.

A huge percentage of those usages of 'that' are in the "not-even-close-to-ready" sections of the book. They'll get sorted out as I write each one. A number will just disappear when I get rid of the obsolete chapter versions. So I expect that total to drop by at least 250 by the time I finish Book 1.

I think my editing task for this coming week or so will be to get rid of the obsolete versions. In the first pass of that, I'll have some competing paragraphs or sections which will be marked as radically different ways of saying the same thing and/or as having inconsistent story elements. Near duplicates will usually be easy to tidy up. I won't worry about cleaning that up. I want to get rid of the bulk of words that are functional duplicates. My guess is about 12,000 to 15,000 words will disappear and I'll be glad to see them gone. 2nd editing pass on those chapters will be to tighten them up and make them consistent with the rest of the story.

I still have about 20 different stories, rpg setting info, etc. in paper format that will need to be scanned and added to Book 1. But I don't want to do that until I edit out the obsolete chapter versions.

How did it get this bad? Well, I started on Book 1 in the mid 1980s on computers that no longer exist, using operating systems that no longer exist, written in word processors that no longer exist, and transferred files from computer to computer over the intervening decades. Toss in some equipment or media failures and put a person who's not particularly organized in charge of it (me), and that's what you get.

Humans are persistence hunters and if there's one superpower I have, it's persistence. It's going to take a few more years to get all three books done and I plan to go the distance.

 

[Ent]

...persistence. It's going to take a few more years to get all three books done and I plan to go the distance.

This is the greatest of the 'woots' in yours above!

 

[Aldarion]

I finally finished writing historical background for my world. I have some more stuff to do, but that should be a lot easier. After that, I can finally begin writing the story.

And I say finally because... I started worldbuilding back in 2019. After five years of work, I really hope it will be worth the effort.