Nardor

[Only Mountain]

Obviously the definition that suits the situation is the one I intend. But since you are splitting hairs, I will revise my statement. Erestor, you are ignorant in matters concerning The Soddit. Better?

Are there any questions concerning Nardor?

 

[Troll]

Yes, I have a question: who will be answering such questions now that Bard the Bowman, the author of Nardor and the only person who ever gave a toss about it, has been banninated?

I shall take this grave and solemn duty upon myself, as keeper of Bard's legacy. As such, let me tell you a bit of the lore of Nardor that came to me after a careful examination of Tolkien's text and dropping a lot of acid:

It is a little known fact that the Fell Beasts, famed as mounts of the Nazgul, were native to Nardor and only became part of the Dark One's army after he conquered that land. Previously, the Fell Beasts were known as Sparkleponies, which in the Nardorian dialect of Adunaic means "adorable fluffy winged critter." You see, during the days of Nardor's supremacy, the Sparkleponies often had lustrous coats in all the colors of the rainbow. Pink ones were especially prized, and the emblem of the royal house of Nardor (the descendants of Maglor and Tuor) was a pink Sparklepony. The Nardorians would ride their Sparkleponies as Elves would horses, without bridle or saddle. Sparkleponies, being naturally gentle creatures of good humor, would often converse with their human companions, and tea parties were the commonly accepted means of social interaction between esteemed elder Sparkleponies and Nardorians of good breeding.

When Sauron conquered Nardor, he had all the Sparkleponies shaved of their adorable fur and forced them to wear saddles when carrying his Ringwraiths about. The slavery and ensuing inhumane conditions caused the deaths of many Sparkleponies due to heartbreak. Many more died as a result of suffocation on the noxious gases belching forth from Orodruin or the even more noxious gases that issued from the Nine every time Sauron made his famous five-alarm chili. (In reality, the recipe was one of Morgoth's. As the Wise may recount, Melkor was the author of the cayenne pepper, which, like all his works, was meant for evil but in the end redounded to the delicious.)

However, the Sparkleponies, like all Nardorians, played an important role in defeating Sauron: if the Witch-King's Sparklepony, who was originally named Petalblossom before her capture and enslavement, had not allowed Eowyn to slay her, the Witch-King's knee would have remained outside of the reach of Meriadoc Brandybuck. In this way, Petalblossom redeemed both herself and all the race of Sparkleponies, and was instrumental in bringing freedom to the lands of Middle-Earth.

In recognition of their service to Gondor, King Elessar declared that he would personally participate in the mass shaving of horses until he had gathered enough fur to make full-body wigs for the remaining Sparkleponies. Their gratitude towards Gondor was eternal, and, in the peace and tranquility of the Fourth Age, eventually their numbers grew to the point where the Reunited Kingdom was able to launch an Osgiliath-Annuminas airline.

 

[HLGStrider]

I was going to say something about not provoking people on here, but then I read the whole post and lol'd at least twice so I'm just going to say that humor is allowed on the forums as long as it isn't cruel, which, since this is mocking a work of fiction and not a person, this isn't, and let it stand.

Cayenne really can be delicious in an evil sort of way.

 

[Only Mountain]

Actually Troll I am now the keeper of Nardor, having been bequeathed the responsibility by Bard himself and as you all seem to think I am Bard, I am the only one worthy to continue this great tale. In fact, I provided a good deal of the inspiration for this magnificent tale, so I put as much, if not more thought into the story than Bard the Bowman. Therefore we will discard your cow-pat of a post, and once more leave the floor open for questions concerning Nardor, to be answered exclusively by me.

 

[HLGStrider]

Actually Troll I am now the keeper of Nardor, having been bequeathed the responsibility by Bard himself and as you all seem to think I am Bard, I am the only one worthy to continue this great tale. In fact, I provided a good deal of the inspiration for this magnificent tale, so I put as much, if not more thought into the story than Bard the Bowman. Therefore we will discard your cow-pat of a post, and once more leave the floor open for questions concerning Nardor, to be answered exclusively by me.

Good luck with that.

You'd think someone who is such a fan and defender of the Soddit would have a greater appreciation of parody as an art form.

 

[Only Mountain]

Why do you say I am "such" a fan and "defender" of The Soddit? I simply hate ignorance of a particular subject. That's what I speaking against. Erestor was ignorant of the details of The Soddit. And Troll's post was, frankly, a waste of time. Terrible at best. Very immature and juvenile.

 

[Troll]

Actually Troll I am now the keeper of Nardor, having been bequeathed the responsibility by Bard himself and as you all seem to think I am Bard, I am the only one worthy to continue this great tale. In fact, I provided a good deal of the inspiration for this magnificent tale, so I put as much, if not more thought into the story than Bard the Bowman. Therefore we will discard your cow-pat of a post, and once more leave the floor open for questions concerning Nardor, to be answered exclusively by me.

I think we shall not discard anything. Rather, I think that as you are merely a "Registered User" - whereas I bear the official title "Lorekeeper of Nardor" - I shall be gracious enough to extend to you an invitation to ask me questions about Nardor. Your claim to inheritance through Bard the Bowman lacks substance, as Bard was stripped of all titles and possessions when he was thrust through the Doors of Night.

- - - - -

I have received in private correspondence a query related to Nardor, the answer to which I have been permitted to share with you all, though I am on my honor not to reveal its asker. The substance of the query is thus: "if Nienor was grossed out enough by the idea of having slept with her brother that she tried to kill herself, how can it possibly be considered a kindness for Ulmo to have saved her? Also where'd the Nardorians find Gurthang, especially since it broke when Turin killed himself with it, and also it was buried with him?"

The answer is simple, of course: Ulmo, besides having dominion over water, is also the Vala of psychotherapy, obstetrics, and grave robbery. Nienor required a great deal of the first two in order to make her contribution to the parentage of Nardor. Turin, sadly, was served only with the third of the aforementioned three arts. Ulmo wears many hats indeed, one of which has a light on the front so that he can see while digging at night.

 

[Bellandor]

It's taken from The Soddit, written by A.R.R. Roberts. A parody of the Hobbit. He calls Rivendell the Last Homo House, and the Misty Mountains the Minty Mountains. The Lonely Mountain is called the Only Mountain.

I spotted this book in a secondhand bookshop a while ago and decided against buying it because of its heavy use of language. It is totally the opposite of The Hobbit.:*D

The writer of Nardor had done a superb effort to maintain his integrity through the interpretation of his fanfiction Nardor. Not one person has responded back to him in kind as to the reading of his work.

Anyway I give 7 out of 10 for effort and 8.5 for a great read and look forward to his edited version. :*up

 

[Only Mountain]

Whatever you want Troll. Whatever makes you happy. For someone who claims to detest the legend of Nardor, you spend a lot of time on it. It appears I've hooked another one. So go ahead and answer your own questions about Nardor.

Thank you Bellandor for your feedback. I can only hope my writing is one day transposed into a short film.

 

[Troll]

Good; I'm glad that's settled.

So, are there any more questions concerning Nardor?

 

[Only Mountain]

Any questions for the author of Nardor concerning Nardor? As I created this story I am the only one qualified to answer. Anything at all, from the numbers of the Nardorians to their peak territorial power.

 

[Prince of Cats]

[...] And Troll's post was, frankly, a waste of time. Terrible at best. Very immature and juvenile.

Really? I've found his contributions as Loremaster of Nardor very well-conceived. They have revitalized my interest in fan fiction, and Nardor especially :*up

 

[Erestor Arcamen]

Any questions for the author of Nardor concerning Nardor? As I created this story I am the only one qualified to answer. Anything at all, from the numbers of the Nardorians to their peak territorial power.

You didn't create this story, Bard did, so are you saying you're Bard?

@Troll. I found a Sparklepony in it's pre-Sauron form:

View attachment 5165

Oh and since Troll became loremaster, this is becoming the best fanfic ever!

 

[Spirit of Fire]

Interesting read! I like how it pays homage to Maglor, the Blue Wizards, and Nienor. The discussion following the story perhaps even more entertaining...

It would be nice to see a bit more of Aragorn's role in this, perhaps some of the hardships and struggles against them in the North, maybe some of his labours in the East were related

 

[Elthir]

Ahh . . . the old(er) days of Nardor and the opinions about Smaug in the War of Wrath.

How time flies like a dragon in the War of Wrath.

 

[Olorgando]

How time flies like a dragon in the War of Wrath.

Like ol' Ancalagon?
Got bonked by Eärendil and loses it so badly as a result that he totally trashed Thangorodrim by crashing into it.
Kind of exhibiting the daintiness and grace of, oh, let's say that Yucatan asteroid that exterminated a lot of his distant relatives.
I can just picture Morgoth seriously expanding the Valar vocabulary on the "colorful" side after that display! 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤣

 

[Spirit of Fire]

Nardor is a work of fan fiction. However, it is clearly inspired by Tolkien's universe in which the events of the Silmarillion and Lord of the Rings take place. If you have any questions concerning Nardor feel free to ask them.

Doesn't anyone want to learn about Nardor?

Hey, would you mind if I added to your epic?

 

[Erestor Arcamen]

Well as long as he keeps writing things like this, by all means lol



Hey, would you mind if I added to your epic?

He won't answer, he was banned for bad behavior so consider Nardor and any of his other tripe as open source 😁

 

[Olorgando]

He won't answer, he was banned for bad behavior so consider Nardor and any of his other tripe as open source 😁

EA, I have the impression that E(A) is not the only one who has been deleting posts here (he only being able to delete his own). I may be wrong, but I have the feeling that there may be gaps - which can really make a thread confusing … 🤯

 

[Olorgando]

And then "The Soddit" kept nagging at the back of my head.
There was splurge of books in German (originals and translations) that accompanied the TH films, including parodies, two of which I bought, along with several other books: two anthologies similar to 1992's "After The King", a collection of JRRT's writings, and a mock "scientific study" of Hobbits.
Some were reprinted from the earlier splurge that accompanied the LoTR films.
Among them was the German translation of "The Soddit", "Der Hobbnix", a slang take meaning about "Havenuthin'".
The original is from 2003, the German translation from 2004, and my version a 2012 reprint.
I found it better than the 2011 / 2012 "The Wobbit" / "Der Wobbit", where the parody was just a bit too forced.
And it was very likely much more strongly "naturalized" to Germany than TH, in the slang (not dialect) that the Dwarves speak.