RP 🎲 O Fëanoriel Runyaril ar i Vérë o i Silmarilli (Of Fëanoriel and the Oath of the 💎Silmarils)

[Elbereth Vala Varda]

Nerdanel looks down uneasily.

"It was at the clearing." She pauses, sorrow in her tone. "Nearly two days ago..." She takes his hands once more. "He was bleeding, surely some wolf would have come and devoured him by now...." Her heart drops, as her words start to sink in. "Could I have killed him?" She can't believe that she is saying these things, but indeed, she is.

"I'm, yes..." She says. "I left because of that fear." She looks deeply at Feanor. "I was so blind... I, I hurt them. I hurt them both." She looks down, her head following that. "I'm so sorry."

~~

Findekano looks at Aredhel deeply. "Well, no... sort of." He says. "I suppose it's more true to say that he, well, he found me." He looks softly into her eyes. "It's a long story, and not a pleasant one." He eyes his wrists, and feels the pain in his head. Truly, it was a very rough journey, and he did not leave it unscathed.

"I realize I have much to explain..." He says. He's just thankful to be back at his House. "Father is alright, yes?" His concern was always for his family, and he wonders where his father now is. "And Turgon, Argon... are they well?"

~~

Amrod nods. "Mhm." He says to the healer. "Of course."

He points to a book on the table next to them, one that seems to be about healing. "Give me that, would you?" He says softly to the healer, his voice gentle.

 

[Maedhros_Nelyafinwë]

"He could be anywhere... anything could have happened..." Fëanor says half to himself, his face paling. He may have had his issues with the House of Nolofinwë, and indeed he recklessly pulled a sword on Fingolfin, but that was more out of a temporary moment of unbridled rage and not actual violent intent. If Nerdanel, and he indirectly, are responsible for the death of their nephew, that is far more responsibility than he wishes to carry. And indeed, if Nerdanel is guilty, he will share in that guilt with her.

"Let us first talk to Maitimo, for that is a wrong we can easily right, or more easily, at least," Fëanor says after a moment. "But then we must seek after Findekano."

~~

Aredhel nods quietly, sensing Findekano's reluctance to talk about it. So she spares her questions as the healer works on him, and tries to reassure him, "Father is well; he was just distraught, but he will be relieved to see you back. Though... we may both have some consequences to deal with, since we have both wronged him, I feel. Turgon is fine, though he worried for you as well. And I believe Mother and Argon are journeying back here."

~~

One of the healers has everyone else stand some distance off and begins to re-stitch Maitimo's wound. They do not allow Amrod to observe this, mainly since Maitimo would hate being watched like that, but one of them stands aside and whispers a few things to Amrod about how that process works.

"You are more than welcome to take that book," the healer says. "In fact, if the healing arts is something that intrigues you, perhaps you could come to our study tomorrow, and we could teach you a few things. It seems that our services are needed more and more in these times..."

It used to be that the healers had not much to do, just the occasional treatment of a hunting injury from some minor accident here and there. But with this constant violence in the House of Fëanor, needless to say they've all been much busier, and tragically so.

 

[Elbereth Vala Varda]

Nerdanel nods. "You're right..." She says. "You're always right..." She takes his hand and they walk closer to Maitimo's room. "I don't know what I was thinking... Maitimo warned me this would happen. He told me specifically not to leave him... He, he told me that he'd die, I just ignored him..." She says sorrowfully. "I'm, so sorry."

She can't believe what she's done. She had never had that close of a relationship with Fingon, but she would have desired to, and now that chance is truly gone forever indeed. The last thing she called him was a thug, and the final word she gave him was a cruel thing to speak to any. She grieves now, for little hope is there that Fingon survived, very little, in fact.

With that, she stops before the door, knocking. "It's Nerdanel, and your father." She whispers.

~~

Fingon looks down. "Yes, you-you're right." He says softly. "But please, if anyone should take any consequence, it should be myself alone. You wanted to tell him, I was the one who stopped you. You didn't wrong him, I did..." He says to her, trying to keep his sister out of getting in trouble. She was always the perfect daughter, and very much the perfect sister also. He would grieve to see her unjustly punished.

"I will be glad to see all of them." He says, on a slightly more cheerful note. "I've missed all of you... More than anything these past days. I can't even tell you how many times I thought of you, sister. Too many to count."

~~

Amrod nods, a little surprised by their willingness to hand it over, and gratefully takes the book. "Thanks." He says, flipping it open and fingering the pages, his eyes reading through each sentence. It seems old, but there is a lot there.

"And yes, I'd be glad to come to it." He says with a smile. "When is it? And where shall I arrive?"

 

[Maedhros_Nelyafinwë]

"There may be a chance we can make this right..." Fëanor says, but his words sound defeated and hopeless even to himself. How can anyone who is wounded and tied up survive alone in a forest inhabited by wolves for more than a few minutes, really?

Meanwhile, those inside hear the knocking and the voice of Nerdanel, and the healers glance at Maitimo for his response.

Having gotten stitched up again literally a few minutes ago, Maitimo isn't in much of a visiting mood in general, let alone with his parents. But he figures they'll see him eventually, and he'd rather get it over with than lay around and think about it for ages, so he dully says, "Come in."

Fëanor enters, followed by Nerdanel, both of them looking grim and sorrowful.

They must be here to lecture me about Findekano again... Maitimo thinks bitterly.

"Nelyo, how are you?" Fëanor asks, sitting beside him.

"Could be better," comes Maitimo's somewhat cold response.

Fëanor glances over at the healers and asks, "What is his situation, really?"

So the healers explain how the journey has reopened his wound and reawakened the poison, but that they are getting it under control. Fëanor sighs heavily and glances once more at Maitimo. "Your mother and I have something to say to you, about Findekano."

Maitimo immediately tenses up at this.

While the conversation goes on, the healer who was speaking to Amrod whispers to him, "We begin the day's work at sunrise, and our study is in the south wing, near the gardens."

~~

"No, Findekano... I have my own free will. You do not command me. Don't flatter yourself like that," Aredhel says, smiling with the faintest hint of mirth. "I share in the blame, since I kept the secret of my own free will. Nay, 'tis not a secret, that's too nice a term for it... it was a lie. I lied to Father, and I must repent of it. I thought we were helping Maitimo, but... did it help? I think we should have realized that we cannot intervene with the House of Fëanor being in the state that it's in, and trusted in the Valar to help him."

She doesn't mean these words as unkind. They're simply facts, and she's thinking out loud. But she sighs and embraces him gently. "I missed you too, brother. I was so worried."

She hears footsteps down the hall, and thinks she recognizes the voice of their father.

 

[Elbereth Vala Varda]

Nerdanel looks down, pulling up a chair and seating herself behind Maitimo, hands clasped on her lap, her hair tied neatly behind her.

"My love..." She begins. "I was wrong about Fingon." It feels good to finally say, what a burden this has been on her. "I owe you an apology, a very sincere one, and even that I fear shall not be enough." She sighs. "For I cannot bring your friend back, nor promise he survived."

There's no use hiding it. Maitimo saw what happened. He pleaded with her to not make the huge mistake that she ended up making anyway. It was so unlike her in character, and she can't believe that her anger went so far. She prays it will not be costly. Yes, prays. Even if the Valar are quiet, what harm is it to ask? What harm is it to plead? All else has failed. She has failed. What harm is there?

She sighs. "I suppose little good is my word. But my pride once lost is lost forever, and I will not suffer to think that I did the right thing." She pauses. "I am sorry. To the highest degree, I am sorry."

Amrod nods to the healer. "That sounds wonderful. I shall be there."

~~

Findekano chuckles a bit at this. It's very like his sister. He never worried that she would be controlled by anyone, be he the strongest that had ever lived of the Eldar. She was tough, more externally than internally, but all the same, she was always quick to defend and protect. A warrior at heart very much, in her own way of course.

"You're right. I have no command on you." He says. "I never did and I never will. Still, truly, you must not take the blame for this. You know that it was I who begged you to do this. You would have wanted to tell him everything. Heavens, you wouldn't have wanted me to leave." He stops. "I don't know how, if, it helped him that much. But regardless, it is my bad judgement, not yours. You were the one who counseled me to not do this. If I had listened to you, well, I wouldn't have gone through all this, and neither would Maitimo, or Nerdanel... Or any of them, I suppose."

The voice is indeed that of their father, Nolofinwe, and within moments, he casts open the door and steps inside, immediately surprised to see Fingon and Aredhel. "What- what happened?" He says, rushing forward to his son. "You both, are you well?" He looks gravely at Findekano. "Where did you go, my son? Where did you go?"

 

[Maedhros_Nelyafinwë]

Maitimo blinks in shock at this. What has caused her to change her mind so suddenly, after all the grief and angst she went through to keep him and Findekano separated? She brought him on this painful and exhausting journey, and hurt Findekano, only to now change her mind? He's glad, of course, that she sees the truth, but is suspicious as to why.

"Upon questioning the brothers," Fëanor explains, "I discovered the poison in Findekano's room was a setup. The brothers admitted to it. So therefore we were wrong to accuse Findekano of treachery. Your judgment proved correct, and ours wrong... please forgive us. We are to depart soon to search for him, and see if he is still... alive."

Even Fëanor has enough sense here to not burden Maitimo with the details of Maglor's involvement. Fëanor plans to deal with Maglor himself later, and not let Maitimo be aware of it till he is better recovered.

Meanwhile, Maitimo is silent. Should he tell his parents that he set Findekano free? Can he trust them enough to not use that information to harm him? He realizes he has no choice, really-- he can't allow Fëanor and Nerdanel to go on a pointless chase in the woods. Especially if they actually were to encounter Findekano or any of the other Nolofinwians, that could be an opportunity for more conflict. They seem sincere, at least, even though Maitimo is immensely frustrated that they're only realizing this now, after they caused him to regress in his healing, and hurt Findekano so terribly.

"Findekano should be safe," he finally says, not sure if it's a good idea, but seeing no other choice. "I... I cut him free. I'm sorry, Mother, but I did not actually get lost in the woods earlier... I was helping Findekano escape, and I hope he is returned to his father's House."

~~

Aredhel immediately rises at Fingolfin's entrance. Unable to conceal her part in this anymore, she admits, "Father, forgive me... Findekano went out to follow Maitimo and make sure he was safe, and I aided him in this by not telling you about it. I lied, when I have never done such against you, and I repent... I'm sorry..."

Though her father is kind, she dreads his reaction, remembering how strongly he had reacted to Maitimo admitting he had lied to Fëanor in the dungeons, even though that had been for a noble cause.

 

[Elbereth Vala Varda]

Nerdanel gives a look of shock upon hearing this. "You did what?" She wants to be angry at him for directly defying her will, but she cannot be. This means that Fingon still lives. He must. And while she does not look forward to her reconciling with him, and apologizing, she is thankful that he is not dead, and that she does not bear the burden of killing her nephew.

As Feanor mentions this, Maglor's eyes widen, and he tunes in immediately to the conversation, stepping slowly and quietly aside closer to the door, subtle enough not to be noticed. If this is being revealed, and how he greatly ponders, but if it is, he must escape this room and swiftly, before he is condemned and bound in chains with the rest of his kin.

Nerdanel sighs. "I'm, I must admit I am shocked that you would do such a thing." She says, appeasing her desire to scold him, in a way. "But I am thankful, very thankful that you did." She says, her voice softening. "I feared that he was dead, which, which would make things very much worse for both our families." She looks to Feanor. "But now what? Surely, we should let Nolofinwe know that his son is out on the road." She looks down, thinking of what she had said to Fingon. Surely, this cannot be left without any repentance or apology given. She must say something to retreat from these terrible things she has done and said. She cannot just leave this without anything. "And I suppose I shall need to give my repentance to Findekano also," She says. "As much as I wish not to."

~~

Fingolfin's eyes narrow. 'Twas as he suspected. That something was being hidden. It seemed terribly unreasonable for his son to leave without a word. Yet, his justice and wrath is mingled with mercy and pity, love and tenderness, as ever it was. And he saw the goodness and truth in his daughter's heart, and spared her any irritable remarks.

Before he says a word, Fingon chimes in.

"It was not her as much as myself, father." He says. "I wanted to leave of my own accord and seek Maitimo. She caught me leaving, and I pleaded that she tell no one, especially not you, for I knew that you would try to stop me."

He looks upon both of his children. "Tell to me all, my children." He says softly. "Why did you do all that you did, and why would your good intents require you to lie?" He pauses. "I know you too well, that all your intentions, however misguided, are directed to the goodness in the world. You see the beauty of others around you, the beauty of the earthen soil, and of the sky, and you cannot help but wish to defend it, wish to pursue it." He smiles. "Feel comfort to confide. For I chide with mercy more than with justice."

 

[Maedhros_Nelyafinwë]

"I had to do it. I could not let him die," Maitimo says coldly, sensing Nerdanel's hostility, her shock at his defying her like that. He feels she has not truly changed in heart... she has only been forced to admit she was wrong because of Fëanor. She doesn't seem to show any repentance from her decision to drag him along on the journey before he was ready, either.

Meanwhile, Fëanor thinks over what he should do. Reconciliation and making peace has never been his strong suit-- he's always been more of a fighter, a defender of his family, one to determine where there is danger and protect his family from it. But it doesn't seem he's been successful at that lately, far from it...

"We should send word to the House of Nolofinwë," he eventually says. "Let them know that Findekano is traveling back, and apologize for our misjudgment and our accusations, as you have said."

It would be better if he had decided to deliver this message in person, but he's unwilling to leave Maitimo and the brothers alone in the same household.

~~

"It is as Findekano said-- we figured if you knew, you would try to stop him from leaving," Aredhel explains. "I tried to stop him myself, at first, but I changed my mind. He wanted to make sure Maitimo would be all right-- not just physically, but mentally. This latter point persuaded me to cover for him, since it was sorrow which led Maitimo almost to fading."

 

[Elbereth Vala Varda]

"I, understand." Nerdanel says softly to Maitimo. "Thank you, for you have saved me much guilt, and spared the grief of both our kingdoms, but especially the House of Nolofinwe." No doubt, Maitimo has saved her from many troubles by saving Findekano, but all the same, she had never loved their friendship, and now she thinks she has reason to believe that Feanor was right, and that Fingolfin truly is in pursuit of the throne.

Nerdanel turns and walks towards Feanor, consorting with him. "I do not await the chance to reconcile with gladness..." She says, but as her thoughts continue on, she realizes that a distant apology for almost killing him would surely not be enough. It would be too little. Only too little. "Yet, it will seem like a crude joke if we send but a letter of remorse."

Amrod, who has been reading the book for the past few minutes, now gets up and prepares to speak with Maitimo. He wants to question Maitimo on how everything feels, but he doesn't know if it's appropriate. But in his mind, there is no harm to asking, so he takes a stance not far from Maitimo, and asks, "Nelyo, can I speak with you, for a moment?"

Maglor rolls his eyes, thinking Amrod's ability to get close to Nelyo is ridiculous. After what Amrod did, he shouldn't be allowed within 5 leagues of Nelyo unless in chains, so the fact that he is roaming around free seems absurd.

~~

Fingolfin sighs.

"Hmm... And was your quest successful?" He says. "Was it necessary?"

Fingon shakes his head. "I'm afraid not, father."

"On which?"

"Both."

 

[Maedhros_Nelyafinwë]

Maitimo softens a little at these words from Nerdanel, since they at least seem heartfelt and sincere, and he smiles at her. "I'm just glad he will likely be all right."

Fëanor pulls Nerdanel aside. She is better at reconciliations than he is, so he realizes she is probably right, but he still has concerns over leaving his House in the state that it's in. "Are you saying we should return to the House of Nolofinwë?" he whispers. "I don't think it wise to leave Nelyo like this. The brothers are locked up and guarded, but after their treachery, who knows of anything? I wonder if one of us should stay, and one of us should go."

Besides, he still has Maglor to deal with, and watches him out of the corner of his eye. He doesn't plan on imprisoning Maglor for his part in all of this, but he does need to be spoken to.

Maitimo glances at Amrod, getting the feeling that Amrod wants to question him and it will probably be annoying. In all honesty, he wants most of all to be left alone for a little while, but seeing that Fëanor and Nerdanel are still here and discussing things, even the pestering questions of Amrod may be a welcome distraction. Besides, he understands now that Amrod's weird fascination with all this is actually coming from an interest in the healing arts, so Maitimo supposes if there's any good to come out of his situation, it's that it may give Amrod some knowledge which he can use to help others in the future.

"All right," he says to Amrod. "What about?"

~~

Aredhel glances sorrowfully at Findekano. She hates to have been proven right about many things she has been suspicious of. She had hoped Findekano would be successful and that he would manage to help Maitimo in some way, but apparently not. Hopefully he will share some of the details of it, since Aredhel is curious to know what happened.

 

[Elbereth Vala Varda]

Nerdanel sighs.

"I don't know, love." She says softly. "I don't want to leave him alone, but a letter will hardly give the sort of remorse that we must. Heavens, we never even thanked them for taking our son in, for watching over him." She pauses. "We never thanked them for locking Fingon up on your command, and letting you have authority in a House that isn't ours."

She muses on.

"Is there any half-point?" She asks. "It's a long journey either way, and truly, I would hate to have anyone leave for that far a journey right now. If Maitimo worsened, or if something needed our attention, we would be leagues away, and too far to do anything about it." She looks down, glancing over to Maitimo. "Someone needs to stay with him, in fact both of us do." She says. "We just returned home. We must see over our House, tend to our son, to your armies..."

Amrod pulls up a chair closer to Maitimo. "Mhm.. Yes." He sighs. "So, can you describe what you're going through right now? What hurts, how it feels, anything." He flips open the book, and grabs a page of parchment, readying it in his hand and preparing ink to write with.

~~

Fingolfin's eyes narrow. "You didn't succeed at all?"

Findekano looks down, shaking his head. "No... I, I might even have made it worse, for him, for everyone... I-" He doesn't want to meet the gaze of his father. "Please, don't be angry-"

Fingolfin fixes his eyes upon Findekano.

"Angry?" He asks incredulously. "My son...." Fingon raises his head a bit. "I'm furious."

"What?" Findekano rises, looking deeply at his father.

"I sent out many to search for you, farther in the borders of our land, even farther than that." He looks down. "Many have yet to return, and have not sent word." He glances to the window. "I left, myself. Turgon, your brother, went in search of you. Even Aredhel, too." He looks gravely. "Your mother and brother are returning swifter than they would have..." His eyes focus on Fingon. "You have caused much angst, my son. And as I hear from you, it was all for nothing."

 

[Maedhros_Nelyafinwë]

"You are right," Fëanor says quietly. "I must speak directly with Nolofinwë, at some point. I don't like the idea of meeting halfway; that could make him feel like we intend harm. But my first loyalty is to you and our children, and while Maitimo is still vulnerable, we must not leave him. Indeed, I'm not sure I will sleep at all tonight, and I will personally keep watch over these halls and see to it that no one enters his chambers."

After thinking a moment longer, he realizes that there is one he may turn to for help, one he trusts fully: his father, Finwë. It was he who helped Fëanor sort through and understand all that had happened in his House, and it was quite possibly because of him that Fëanor was receptive to Nelyo's story.

"I will send word to my father," he finally says. "Finwë will surely be able to advise us. It won't take more than a day for my message to reach him."

Meanwhile, Maitimo sighs heavily at Amrod's question. "Do I have to, Amrod? I'm tired of thinking about it and talking about it."

Technically, no, of course he doesn't. In fact, he could probably make everyone leave if he wanted, and he's half inclined to do so.

But as he's silent a moment, he thinks he hears a bit of Fëanor and Nerdanel's conversation, about figuring out how to reconcile with the Nolofinwians, and about possibly asking Finwë for advice. This raises his spirits a little, and he figures he'd better not interrupt that conversation, so he might as well tolerate Amrod's questioning a little longer, since he seems so insistent on it.

"Fine," he says begrudgingly. "Everything hurts, if you must know, but my shoulder most of all. And I'm very exhausted."

Why this is all so fascinating to Amrod, is beyond him.

~~

Aredhel's heart aches for Findekano in this moment, but Father's anger is understandable too. It did cause so much stress on them all to have Findekano leave, and her initial objection to his quest was that she thought it would be pointless... and she was right. But it isn't Findekano's fault that the House of Fëanor has been so dysfunctional lately that Maitimo is beyond their help for the time being, and she still admires her brother's brave and loyal heart despite it all.

She glances tearfully at both of them, somehow siding with them both, and not feeling like anything she can say will be of help.

 

[Elbereth Vala Varda]

"Yes." Nerdanel says softly. "You must." She sighs. "Perhaps becoming on a bit better of terms with your brother's family may not be a bad choice. Even if they do seek the throne, if you become close to them, can you not quell that desire?" She smiles. "I shall not sleep either, my love. Maitimo has been upon the forefront of my mind, and I shouldn't feel that shall change, until he is healed in full, of course." She gives a kind glance to Maitimo.

"You are wise, love." She says, after listening to Feanor's words about Finwe. "No one better than your father to unite the twain kingdoms. It shall be good to see him, also." She turns, adding, "You always know just what to do, don't you, love?" She says, tenderly. "The perfect father, son, everything..." Her eyes soften as she says this. Nothing makes her feel calm and at peace like her husband does.

Amrod furiously writes down all that Maitimo tells him, his hand moving swiftly over the page, trying to write as fast as Maitimo speaks, which, since Maitimo has suffered much and seems weak, is not so hard a task.

Amrod pauses, looking quizzically at Nelyo. "One problem..." He says bluntly. "Hurt. See, it's such a vague term. It can mean a variety of sensations, anything from burning to chills." He pauses. "Elaborate on what you are actually feeling." He sighs. "If all you are giving as a description is that 'everything hurts' it's no wonder they haven't been able to help you."

"Everything entails, what?" He begins. "It can't truly be, everything. And what sort of hurt?"

~~

Findekano looks down, unable to meet his father's gaze. "I'm sorry." He says.

"You are sorry?" Fingolfin probes. "Sorry admits that it was a bad choice."

Fingon nods. "It was..." He says, tears coming to his eyes. This was the one thing he feared. That it would all be for nothing.

Fingolfin gazes at his son. "Even still, your apology, however sincere, does not make up for your deeds. Do you realize the angst you have caused us? Do you realize that if anything happens to your mother and brother on their journey back, it shall be on your account? Do you realize that soldiers have not returned home, and therefore families have became departed, because of your choice?" He sighs. "You have utterly and blatantly disobeyed me, and led your sister to do the same.... What have you to say?"

 

[Maedhros_Nelyafinwë]

"Regardless, we must be careful in any of our dealings with the House of Nolofinwë," Fëanor says. "I do not see myself becoming close with them for any reason... but we do owe them this apology for the recent events." He is skilled in persuasion, but not skilled and subtle enough, he thinks, to do what Nerdanel is suggesting in getting close to Nolofinwë and quelling his desire for the throne.

His heart feels full from her loving words of praise, and he takes her into his arms and kisses her. "Thank you, my love... but alas, I am no perfect father or perfect husband, far from it. But I do my best for all of you. And you are a wonderful mother to our children, always caring for them, always putting their needs first."

Maitimo shoots an annoyed glare at Amrod. "The healers' inability to identify the poison is not because of my failure to thoroughly describe it. No one in Valinor has ever shot someone else with poison before, so this is new to everyone."

More gently, he adds, "If you really are interested in becoming a healer, you need to work on the tone of your questions. The way you asked it made me not want to answer any of it."

~~

"Father, he already feels great guilt over this. We both do," Aredhel says quietly, sorrowful to see Findekano cornered like this. Yet she can't deny the truth of Fingolfin's words.

 

[Elbereth Vala Varda]

Nerdanel nods. "Of course. Caution comes foremost in times like this. More than anything else, we must be cautious." She sighs. "But yes, we must apologize. Acting as though we have done no wrong nor committed any offense shall do for us no good in these times." She smiles on Feanor's words and returns his kind flattery with an embrace before turning, looking towards Maitimo.

"My love, are you any better?" She says, her eyes softening as she looks upon him. "I know you weren't doing, great when we arrived." Her voice is tinged with guilt, for she indeed ponders whether leaving so swiftly was a good choice, especially with the newfound truth that Fingon is innocent. But regardless, she made the only choice she could think of as sensible. She did what she felt was right.

Amrod shrugs. "Well, I'm sorry that it came across that way." He says. He really is sincerely apologetic, but it seems hard to be honest. Maitimo is so fixated on his own pain, he doesn't understand how all of this is monumental and amazing.

"I didn't mean it to." He glances around the room, feeling almost uncomfortable. The last time he said he was sorry was after the, well, get the picture. He feels guilt for what he has done in the past and hopes that it doesn't color how Nelyo sees him. Tears come to his eyes. "I'm sorry. I'll leave." He says, getting up and walking towards the door.

~~

Fingon feels cornered by his father's words. "I know you're mad..." He says. "I have nothing to say but that I am sorry." He pauses. "I'm sorry for the grief and angst I caused you, I'm sorry for the pain, I'm sorry that mother and Argon left prematurely, I'm sorry for the soldiers you sent out, andthe hours wasted by you and others of our House. I'm sorry for it all."

Fingolfin shakes his head. "Little does that do. Very little."

 

[Maedhros_Nelyafinwë]

Fëanor nods in agreement. "I will go now and write to him, but I'll be back soon."

He kisses Nerdanel one more time before leaving her to be with Maitimo and departing for his study, where he promptly sits down to compose a letter. In it, he tells Finwë in detail of everything that happened, from the time when he first received word that Maitimo was dying, to where they are now. The letter is several pages long by the time he has finished. He seals it and sends it off with a messenger, hoping that it will arrive to Finwë swiftly and safely.

While in his study, he gazes at an object on his desk-- the Silmaril of Fëanoriel. He had taken it from her, ages ago it now feels like, back when he was suspicious of both her and Nelyo. At the time, he had feared that she had been able to craft such a thing, much like his own, and had guarded it possessively and suspiciously. But now that so many things have been reconciled, he no longer feels anxious and suspicious about it, but rather proud and amazed that his daughter has taken after him like this. So, it is only right that he return it to her.

Taking it, he seeks her out in her chambers, and knocks on her door.

~~

Maitimo watches, surprised and dismayed, as tears come to Amrod's eyes and he leaves. Has he been too harsh with him? "I'm not mad at you..." he says helplessly, but Amrod is gone before he can respond.

As Maitimo is worrying about this, Nerdanel comes beside him. He feels a little more warmth towards her now that she has realized the error of her ways with Findekano, but there are still things between them that need to be eventually addressed-- but not right now.

"I'm a little better than when we first got home," he replies to her question. "The healers have been able to help things. But... I'm worried about Amrod. I've been snappish with him over his curiosity, and I think he's really upset..."

~~

"Then what can he do?" Aredhel asks. This conversation feels unhopeful, with the way Fingolfin is responding to Fingon's sincere apology. "What can he-- we, rather-- do to make this right, Father?"

 

[Elbereth Vala Varda]

Nerdanel sits beside Maitimo, gazing into his eyes and thinking of all that has transpired, and all the memories she has shared with Nelyo. These past times have been harder than any other, and yet, she's thankful for all the moments they shared together.

She smiles. "I'm glad you're doing better. You poor thing have been suffering quietly, but, I know that you aren't doing as well as you make us believe." Maitimo was always quiet about his own feelings. He wanted peace for everyone else, even if it came at the cost of himself. Nerdanel always liked that about him, mainly since it resembled herself.

She almost chuckles as he mentions Amrod. "I doubt it." She says incredulously. "You're not harsh or snappish." She smiles, rubbing his arm, the other one of course. "Besides, you have way too much going on to be concerned for the sensitivity of one of your younger brothers."

~~

Fingolfin sighs. "I don't know that you can." He says. "You cannot roll back Time." His eyes fix on Findekano. "But maybe that's a good thing, for you will learn that your actions have consequences, and very often irreversible ones." He looks to Aredhel. "You say we. Were you involved in this then also?"

 

[Maedhros_Nelyafinwë]

Maitimo is moved by the compassionate words of Nerdanel, and tears come to his eyes, since he's been repressing his own emotions for so long. But even now, he doesn't fully let them out.

"Thank you..." he says softly, taking her hand. "I just... I don't like talking about it. I don't want to burden you all, and I'd rather be distracted from it than dwell on it."

When she speaks of Amrod, he nods and says, "I hope you're right. I just hope I have not hurt him... we've all got enough to deal with as it is. Including you, Mother. I know... we've been tense lately, you and I, and I don't wish it to be that way."

He wasn't planning on bringing all that up now, but it seems an appropriate moment for it.

~~

"As I said in the beginning, I knew what he was up to and I concealed it from you," Aredhel reminds him. "Otherwise, I have had no part, but I have to admit my guilt in this area. I should have tried harder to convince him to stay, but most of all, I should not have kept this from you, Father."

She only hopes she has not earned her father's ire too, though it would be just.

 

[Elbereth Vala Varda]

Nerdanel smiles at him. "You aren't burdening anyone, love." She says softly. "I know you will think of it that way, and there is a certain truth and tenderness in that, but there is nothing good and beautiful about injustice." She mutters, the words taking a new meaning because of what she has recently gotten herself into. She tries to shove those thoughts away.

"You have as much right as any other to express your feelings, emotional and physical, and if any pick on you or mock you for doing so, it is them who are the problem, the burden, not you." She gazes at him. "You are a blessing, Maitimo. Not a burden."

And at his mention of Amrod, she nods. "You're right. We've all been through a lot. But it isn't because of you, and it's not your fault. It may be hard on all of us, but it is the toughest situations which strengthen our hearts and make us closer to each other."

~~

Fingon interrupts. "I begged her not to tell." He says. "It was hardly her choice."

Fingolfin narrows his eyes at both of them. "So then, what do you think would be fair?"

 

[Maedhros_Nelyafinwë]

Maitimo tries to take the words of Nerdanel to heart, but he can clearly remember Amrod the other day admitting that they were all tired of worrying about him, and now that thought dominates his mind, and he is convinced that everyone else feels the same way but is polite enough to not say so.

Still, he is moved by her words, and eventually admits, tearfully, "I'm so tired of all this... I just want to feel normal again, in more sense than one. But that may not be entirely possible."

In hroa, he will heal soon enough, as long as nothing else dramatic comes up. But in fëa, he knows things will never be the same between him and his family, and in fact he barely knows who he is anymore.

~~

Aredhel glances uneasily at both her father and brother. "I don't know... as you've said, there's no way to turn back time. At the very least, I could ride out and search for any of the men who are still out looking. But Findekano was hurt, Father. He needs to rest before he does anything else."