RP 🎲 O Fëanoriel Runyaril ar i Vérë o i Silmarilli (Of Fëanoriel and the Oath of the 💎Silmarils)

[Áramandë Amaniel]

I gaze downwards the entire time, not even sparing a glance towards Maitimo and Maglor.

So this is it, then. I think to myself. Ne'er again shall we see them again for very long....these two Houses have been sundered in truth and in fullness, for who knows how long. Forgive me, Aredhel. I could not even speak a true farewell to you...

And as such a thought comes to me, I sink to my knees and bury my face in my hands, overcome once more with another wave of grief as soft sobs rack me.​

 

[Maedhros_Nelyafinwë]

"Why don't you get him, since you will be riding with him?" Fëanor says in response to Nerdanel. "I will be waiting for you out front." He walks outside again, pleased that Amrod already seems to be recovering quickly, and that he has been deemed strong enough to make the trip back home.

Some tears come to Maitimo's eyes, as he is moved by the care and compassion shown by Finwë. The tenderness of his words feel so refreshing after the way Nerdanel has spoken with surface-level sympathy, but deeply rooted pride, bitterness, and desire to control. Maitimo only wishes he had seen Finwë last night, or even thought to seek him out, since there would have been time back then to really talk about everything. Perhaps, if that were the case, he and Ancalirë wouldn't have had such a despairing night.

But it's better this way, comes a dark thought into his head. If Finwë really knew that I caused all this, his opinion would change drastically...

"I don't know," he says reluctantly, seeing that Fëanor is walking outside once again. "Mother and Father seem to be in great haste to leave."

Fëanor comes up to them in time to hear this, and he frowns slightly in confusion and concern, seeing the tears in Maitimo's eyes and the way Fëanoriel is sobbing. "What is going on here?" he asks. "Nerdanel is fetching Amrod now. I had hoped we would all be ready to leave."

Maitimo glances at Finwë with sort of a resigned and defeated look.

 

[Elbereth Vala Varda]

Nerdanel gives a swift nod of her head and smiles. "That's fine. I'll go get him." And with that, she walks off into the hallway and eventually arriving in Amrod's room.

"Amrod, love.." She whispers. "It's time to go, son."
He nods and gets up with minimal assistance from the others but leans a little on her shoulder for support.

~~~

Finwe looks with pity as he sees his grandson's eyes seem to cloud with tears. Whatever this poor boy is carrying, it's very upsetting to him. And he lays a gentle hand over his shoulder, whispering. "You can tell me, son... Come, come with me." Perhaps Maitimo is right that his parents seem to be in a hurry. They seem to want to get out of here quickly, and Finwe can tell that as much as anyone. But he also knows that Maitimo is far more important and that if something were wrong, Feanor would want to tend to his own sons, being the good father that he is. "It's alright, son... There is always time for you. Don't ever think that I am too busy for you, and neither is your father in too much haste to have time for you. We love you."

Finwe looks to Feanor, laying a gentle hand on his forearm. "Ah, let's not be in so much haste..." He mutters. "Your children seem to have unresolved angst, and I desire that we should resolve it." He leans in, whispering so that only Feanor can hear. "Remember what I said about your son? He needs us now."

And with that, he takes Maitimo's hand, and softly says to him, "Why don't you come sit in my study? There will be time for leaving, later."

 

[Maedhros_Nelyafinwë]

Maitimo watches tensely as Fëanor's hard gaze hangs over them for a moment. After all, Finwë has just basically asked him to change his plans, which is something that pretty much no one else would dare to do. But, to his great surprise, Fëanor's gaze seems to soften a little, and he even makes eye contact with Maitimo, studying him.

Fëanor hadn't forgotten, exactly, about the previous night's conversation with Finwë, but it had been far from his mind as he was concerned with Amrod and the preparations to leave. There simply hadn't been time for him to talk to Maitimo, but seeing the tears in his son's eyes, he realizes that Finwë is probably right to want to resolve things with him.

"Very well," he says, his voice seeming somewhat stern and stoic, disguising the softening of his heart. "You may go with your grandfather for a little bit, Nelyo. I will tell Nerdanel and Amrod to wait a little longer."

And he departs back inside, and comes to Nerdanel and Amrod, walking slowly down the halls.

Maitimo blinks in surprise at the relative ease with which Finwë handled Fëanor. Not even Nerdanel can so easily make him change his stubborn ways.

 

[Elbereth Vala Varda]

Finwe nods, smiling. "Perfect." And he pulls Feanor aside for a moment before he leaves, whispering, "Thank you."

~~~

Nerdanel smiles, seeing Feanor. "My love, is everything ready to go? Amrod seems well enough that he can ride home."

~~~

Finwe then takes Maitimo's hand, flashing a smile at Feanoriel as he walks away with Maitimo, taking him into his study.

Meanwhile, Fingon has been hiding in Finwe's study, and shrinks back into the corner as he hears footsteps approaching. Please don't let this be father. He thinks silently, and tries to hide himself better. But there is no place to hide in this tiny room and the footsteps are getting louder and louder, indicating that they are drawing near. He settles for the corner. It's not much, but if he's quiet and the room remains dark, maybe he won't be seen.

Finwe walks inside, leading Maitimo in, before closing the door and taking some flint to light a sconce on the wall. He does not however yet notice Fingon. He's too busy with the light, back turned to the rest of the room.

Findekano watches in shock as Maitimo walks in with Finwe, and closes his eyes sharply as the flame is lit and the room becomes illuminated. There's no way he won't be found out now. But however much that scares him, he also finds it comforting. After all, Maitimo is here, and he might finally get the chance to say goodbye. Unless Finwe tells his father that he's here... But still, he hopes it is worth the risk, not like there's any choice.

 

[Maedhros_Nelyafinwë]

"Well, not quite yet," Fëanor says with a bit of a sigh. "Finwë has asked for a bit of time alone with Nelyo, to speak with him, before we leave."

Glancing at Amrod, he tells him, "I am glad that you can travel. You're feeling better than yesterday, then, I take it?"

~~~

Maitimo is lost in his own thoughts as they enter the room, wondering exactly how Finwë will react once he finds out that it was Maitimo's own lack of love that led to his brothers doing what they did. As much as he dreads his reaction, he feels he must say it, though there is some glimmer of hope deep down inside him that he won't react too badly.

He finds himself absentmindedly gazing around the small study as Finwë lights the torches... and then his heart just about jumps out of his chest.

In the corner is none other than Findekano.

"Findekano, what are you doing here?" he exclaims in his initial shock at discovering Fingon there. But looking at him more closely, Maitimo can see the haunted look in his eyes and the dark circles around them. He looks as though he's barely slept all night and is jumping at every sound. "Are you all right?" he asks, more softly.

 

[Elbereth Vala Varda]

Nerdanel smiles with a shrug. "Hm.. They are awfully close, it seems like." She pauses, thinking. It's a good thing that Nelyo is spending time with Finwe, but she had really wanted to leave quickly. Still, if Feanor will allow it, so will she. "Well, I hope they finish soon enough."

"Yes, father." Amrod nods eagerly, not wanting to delay them any further. But in truth, he can't keep from thinking about Maitimo. They left on such an off note, and now it feels perpetuated by the night having passed. He wonders what he could have done to make everything up to Maitimo. So, he's loved. That's a big honor. And it feels huge, like he's just received the largest gift of his life. But then again, he can't help but think that it comes with a duty. If someone loves him freely, and while he had already done so much bad, and he's been forgiven, he must pay it back somehow.

And then, there's the other thoughts. Yes, he's forgiven me. But I'll never forgive myself. And it's true. The guilt still weighs on him like a millstone tied to the neck, looming over him and reminding him of the criminal and the faulty, treacherous, murderous brother he's become. He wants to shut it out, but he's tried over and over, and he can't. I'm a traitor. He thinks to himself. I'm nothing but a lying, treacherous, violent, murderous traitor.

~~~

Fingon's mind is reeling as Maitimo steps in the room, and he can't believe he's still hiding. But still, even Maitimo, probably wouldn't want to see him. In all honesty, no one did. Everyone knew that he'd ruined everything. And everywhere he turned there would be rude remarks and cold shoulders thrown at him. There was no way out of this miserable humiliating night. Yes, morning had come, but it was all the same to him. The same darkness, the same being alone, the same pain, the same bitterness.

But everything rushes out of his head as Maitimo speaks his name, and he visibly flinches forward. Now, what? He's been spotted. He'll have to do something.

Finwe also spins around, having finished the lighting of the torch and gazes with surprise at Findekano. Whatever has happened to Fingolfin's son, it doesn't look good. He can see the worn and tired looks on him, but most terrifying to him is the bruises and slashes on his face and neck. Of all the things that Feanor had told him, he had hoped that the brutal punishments of Nolofinwe was merely a rumor, but that theory didn't look so hopeful.

"Fingon?"

Findekano is even more frightened as both of them face him with eyes wide. There's no getting out of this now, so he inches towards the door, speaking, "I'm so sorry- I-I shouldn't be here." And at Maitimo's question, he immediately shakes his head. Alright? No, nothing has been alright, and it's been that way for a long time. He wants to explain it all to his brother and friend, but then, he remembers. Is Maitimo really his friend anymore? He stares down at the letter, not sure how to answer that question. But finally ends with, "I'm glad all is well for your House." Almost completely ignoring Maitimo's question, which makes him feel a little guilty. But still, he has to be this way. His heart has taken too much this evening, and he needs to stop letting others take it and break it apart in front of him. It hurts him, but he must be at least somewhat cold.

~~~

Meanwhile, beside Feanoriel, Maglor resumes his low humming and melodic song, this time audibly.

Lay, weary one,
Come down and rest,
All shall be new,
You have passed the test.

How evil are these times,
Too terrible and great,
But sealed within this enemy,
May someday lay our fate.

Oh, do not tarry,
Pray, do not take,
This time for granted,
You may fade before you wake...

Weep, do not weep,
Tears may be shed,
For into these evil times,
Our paths have now led...

 

[Áramandë Amaniel]

You may fade before you wake....

How fitting, that his thoughts should pierce my very heart in such ways, and yet relieve it-

Or, should it? Would the Valar allow such? Would Mandos himself....

Yet I push these thoughts out of my head, albeit only briefly. Glancing up at Maglor, I mutter softly as I lie down beside him, his song calming me somewhat, in an otherworldly peace:
​

"Your voice is beautiful, as always...I wish I could hear more of it."

 

[Maedhros_Nelyafinwë]

"For once, it seems Nelyo has finally chosen someone good and trustworthy to be close with," Fëanor tells Nerdanel, clearly thinking of Findekano and the Nolofinwians in general as he says this. "As much as I do not wish to delay anymore, I believe speaking with my father again will do Nelyo some good."

He glances at Amrod, nodding his approval, and says, "Perhaps you should sit down and rest a little longer, since we may not leave for a little while yet."

There is a luxurious velvet couch nearby, so they all sit down.

~~~

Maitimo studies Findekano, frowning slightly. He can see the tiny, almost imperceptible shake of his head, which makes the actual words of his response feel all the more strained. Further, in the brighter lighting, there appear to be other marks on Findekano, not just that one bruise on his cheek.

"Nay, not all is well with my House," he says, gently correcting him. His gaze is soft and full of concern. "What all has happened to you? You can tell me. I have no hard feelings against you, brother."

 

[Elbereth Vala Varda]

Nerdanel nods. "Yes, Finwe will be very good for him, or at least it seems like that's true." She looks down for a moment, trying to think of how to communicate what she wants to say to her husband. Eventually, she settles for just being honest and takes a deep breath, beginning. "Love, I've been thinking a lot lately..." She pauses. "Wondering how it ever got this bad, you know? With Fingon, and Amrod... and our two eldest... Not to mention everything with the brothers..." She sighs. "I don't know, I guess I just wonder what happened."

She says this because in truth, even though to everyone else she believes that this was all a big misunderstanding and nothing more, deep down inside her there is a gaping sense that such a theory is not true, and a feeling that she very well might be wrong to believe it. However, she would only reveal such a thing to her husband.

Again, Amrod nods and follows Feanor's command. "Yes, father." He doesn't want to disobey Feanor ever again. He feels personally indebted to both Maitimo and father, and he's not even sure that his own life would pay the price he owes. But still, he can but try, with these small acts of agreement and kindness. It's hard to decide how to pay it back, however. There's one thing that he's decided. He will make it his personal life goal to give Maitimo the most love he possibly can and to make his life as beautiful and good as he can possibly make it. He owes it to Maitimo, maybe. But more than that, it's his duty. He's failed as a brother. He doesn't deserve the love he originally had. But Maitimo gave it anyway. So now, he has a duty.

He thinks for a moment, wondering if it would be a good idea to ask Feanor what could be something that Maitimo would like, or that would bring him joy. But seeing Feanor in other conversation, he decides to put it off for now. He'll ask later. And with that, he spends the next minutes planning how he will ask it and what precisely he will say.

~~~

Maglor smiles a little, almost laughing when he hears her words, but restraining himself. "Thank you, sister." He mutters. "Yours is lovely also... But I don't have any more of that melody. At least right now," He eyes her as if he is working on it currently, and indeed that is the case.

~~~

Fingon listens to Maitimo's words, surprised to hear them. No hard feelings? Really? Fingon isn't sure such a thing is possible right now. Everyone seems to have some grudge held against him or hard anger directed at him personally. He gazes up longingly at his friend, just dying to burst with all of the feelings of his heart, all of the emotion that has been bottled up throughout the night that he wishes he could just blurt out and have closure and peace. And he almost does. He almost breaks, opening his mouth to say something before a sharp thought stops him in his tracks.

How do I know he won't rip my heart into pieces? He thinks, the thought referring to Maitimo. After tonight, he's opened everything to so many people. Father, his siblings, Feanor, and only a few of them had any real care for it. And even those that did turned again against him in some way or other. How did he know Maitimo wasn't the same? How could he know?

But on the other hand, he doesn't really want to just leave things. He doesn't want to keep hiding. If he leaves this room, he'll just find another nook or library or study and hide there instead. It certainly isn't a great plan, and it's most definitely not where he wants to be. Fine. He decides. One last time. I'll let one last person know.

And taking a deep breath, he lifts his head to face his cousin and friend. "I'm sorry that not all is well with you... It's not with me either." He sighs, planning to go on in a preplanned and civil way, but it all falls apart when the time comes. "After your father came, my father came too. They argued, and I didn't know what to do. Feanor surprisingly stood up for me, but father was furious. I asked-" His voice breaks. "I asked to see you and my father said I could not, and not only that..." He sighs. "But I couldn't see my sister and brothers either." He closes his eyes, brimming with tears. "Father beat me-he whipped me-I-" He buries his face in his hands, muttering. "I'm sorry... I've said too much, haven't I?"

Finwe's eyes widen, but he stays silent for the moment. This is a hard place to be and he's hesitant to even get involved, seeing that this was Nolofinwe's choice of punishment, and however much he doesn't agree with it, he doesn't want to turn the two against each other. So, he only listens, leaving the talking to Maitimo for the moment.

 

[Áramandë Amaniel]

I raise an eyebrow.

"Ah, unfortunate indeed. Although I hope one day, inspiration may come to you again."

And in heart I think to myself:

Ah, so now even in joyous melody and song, all has ceased? Is this so? That e'en in story and in song, there is naught left to comfort me? Why then let me remain, if healing shall tarry and fade akin to myself?​

 

[Maedhros_Nelyafinwë]

Fëanor sighs deeply and is silent for a long while as he ponders over the question. Truthfully, he's been wondering the same thing and has never come to a proper answer.

"I only wish I knew," he says. "Our House was relatively peaceful before the brothers attacked Nelyo. The boys all had their arguments from time to time, but such things are normal. And yet that one conflict seems to have spiraled into something massive, with endless effects, even revealing the evil within the House of Nolofinwë. I don't know where we went... so wrong... in the raising of our sons."

If it weren't for Amrod's condition and his sensitivity to the issue, Fëanor would have been interested in questioning him a little more about how, exactly, the first fight had begun and why the twins had decided to do this. But now is not the appropriate time or place.

~~~

The words of Findekano, coming out in a torrent, are overwhelming and much to take in. Maitimo's mind reels with it all. Fëanor defended Fingon? That's the last thing Maitimo would have expected out of his father, given his proud heart and the way he had been humiliated that evening. But that reality pales in comparison to what Fingon says about Fingolfin. Maitimo's eyes widen in horror. Just as he would have never expected his father to show mercy, he would have never expected Fingolfin not to. He had seen glimpses of the situation when he had walked in on the Nolofinwians the previous night, but hadn't imagined it would escalate to the point of Fingolfin actually whipping his own son.

His eyes well up with tears, moved with compassion and sympathy for his friend. And he embraces him, very gently, being mindful of his own armor and Fingon's bruises. "Oh, Findekano... I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry that such a fate befell you. You did not deserve it."

He hopes Findekano will actually believe those last few words of his, since he sincerely means them. Nothing anyone could say, no matter how insulting or antagonistic, justifies being beaten and whipped.

"There was once a time when you took me into your House because I was in danger from my own family," he continues. "I only wish I could do the same for you now."

 

[Elbereth Vala Varda]

Nerdanel nods slowly, agreeing with everything her husband says right up unto the last word. There, she stops, a confused crease in her furrowed brows. "Wait- you think that, we went wrong?" Before this moment, she hadn't even considered the thought. That it could be Feanor and herself who were primarily responsible for the evil that took place. Had they truly made a mistake raising the sons? Was this just so obvious and she was oblivious to it? Her head floods with these questions.

"I don't deny that this has become a massive conflict, and that it has utterly revealed the evil in all of our families. But, still. Don't you believe that it is unreasonable to think it was our fault? Sons will do what they do. As I told Nelyo, it was probably out of jealousy, because you showed more attention to Nelyo. But not even that was a sin on your part, because Nelyo is destined to be king one day. He needs the extra attention." She shakes her head. "I just find it hard to believe that our parenting could be the cause for all of this... It doesn't seem to add up right."

Amrod ponders on, thinking of how to phrase things and so much else, when a new question arises in his mind. He wonders if there is anything he can do for Nelyo, right now. From what he has heard, he can't think of anything specific, and yet, he needs to know. So, he decides to try and initiate a discussion with Feanor, bluntly as always. "Father," He mutters. "I have a question for you."

~~~

Fingon falls into the embrace with Maitimo, relieved more than ever that his friend hasn't stopped caring about him and believing him. Maitimo may be the only one, but at least he does care. He is not against Fingon. He still cares about their friendship, and words cannot express how thankful Findekano is for that.

"Thank you... thank you so much, brother." He whispers, tears drenching his face. But then, he remembers. He may still be cared for by Maitimo, but that doesn't mean that he hasn't gone wrong. He has definitely made mistakes, and those things need to be atoned for. So, he takes a deep breath, looking up at Maitimo, still holding him, and mutters, "I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. I know what terrible things I've done, and I know I deserve all that I've gotten-" That last part was not supposed to slip out from his mind, but now that it has, he's not sure where to go with the conversation. "And I know that you're probably angry at me, and rightfully so." He covers his eyes with his hands, grief seizing him. "I've utterly failed you all. I am a failure, brother... And I'm sorry." He says this of course because the words of his father did not fall on deaf ears. Findekano heard everything that Fingolfin had said about him, and furthermore, he committed it to both memory and identity.

At Maitimo's last few words, Fingon pales a little. "Yes, I suppose that couldn't happen. Could it?" He can't imagine how wonderful that would be. To have Maitimo as a brother, but most of all, to be free from Fingolfin. So, he has to ask. His head lifts a little however, as he adds, "But we're together for now, at grandfather's House, and we may yet stay here for quite a while longer."

Finwe listens to all of this, mulling it over. He wants to say something. He wants to tell Findekano something, since this is clearly a very painful time for his grandsons. But, he doesn't know what to do. Telling Fingon anything could be inspiring him to rebel against his father, which is the last thing that Finwe wants for his children. But on the other hand, seeing the marks on Findekano and hearing his shaky and weak voice, Finwe can tell that something is terribly wrong and that whatever Nolofinwe is using as punishments must end.

~~~

Maglor shrugs. "Indeed, sister. I will work on it again... You may even help if you would like."

 

[Áramandë Amaniel]

I gaze upon him for a long while before I heave another sigh.

"Nauva i nauva. My style may be different from yours, and thus I may not accept; although I do not also deny such an offer."

 

[Maedhros_Nelyafinwë]

"Well, yes and no," Fëanor replies, struggling to find the words to accurately explain his thoughts. "Of course our sons have a will of their own, especially since they are close to coming of age, and to a certain degree there is nothing you and I can do to control them. I am not saying that the horrible deeds they did are our fault as their parents. However, as their parents, we do have a responsibility to raise them to be good, noble, hardworking, selfless, skilled, knowledgeable and everything else an Elda ought to be. And clearly, several of our sons have shown that they have evil and violence and hatred in their hearts, and I'm just wondering how and why we failed as parents, to not notice or correct their corruption until it was too late."

He is silent, watching torchlight glimmer in the hushed silence of these halls, wondering why it is that Nelyo and Fëanoriel seem to be the only one of their children who have turned out truly well. Even Amrod and Maglor, though they did not side with the rest of their brothers, have had their moments of treachery and utter disobedience. Have Fëanor and Nerdanel simply devoted too much attention to their eldest two and not enough to the others? He can't figure out where they failed the remaining six. He feels like all of their children received the same teachings, the same disciplines, and the same love. Yet only Maitimo and Fëanoriel seem to have taken it and responded to it with loyalty and goodness of the heart.

Turning to Amrod, he glances at him and asks, "What is it?"

~~~

Maitimo smiles slightly, having half-expected Findekano to reject or deny his words, and grateful that that is not the case. "I forgive you, brother. I did long ago, actually."

He hesitates, wondering if he should go a little further in explaining his thoughts and feelings. He wants to keep his anger to himself, and not burden Findekano with it, but then he realizes something. If he truthfully explains his negative feelings as well as the positive ones, it could help Findekano see that all his words are sincere, and perhaps truly accept the positive words.

"I was angry with you in the beginning," he admits. "It was hard for me to understand why you said what you did at the beginning, since I had made the choice to forgive Fëanaro of what he did to me, even though my heart did not feel any forgiveness at the time. It frustrated me that you did not do the same. But you are my brother in heart, and you are so much more than any mistakes you make, large or small. I'm not going to turn my back on you just because of a conflict between our families, and it has pained me to see your father's treatment of you, which in my opinion, is disproportionate punishment. Not even my brothers have been treated cruelly by my father, though their deeds were cruel and they truly do deserve cruel punishment. But no matter what happens, I will always love you and never hold a grudge against you in my heart, because of who you are. And I will never forget all you did for me when I was in danger."

He sighs a little at Fingon's mentioning of going away from his own House, and says sadly, "I wish I could take you home with us, but it will do you no good in the long run. My father is set on keeping us separated, and he's trying to leave swiftly. There's no way I could sneak you along, and even if I could, someone would find out eventually and it would only worsen the conflict."

 

[Elbereth Vala Varda]

Nerdanel sighs. She can't imagine what they didn't do for their children. She and Feanor had both made countless sacrifices for the good of their family, and had believed that they had done a good job at parenting, or at least decently well. So where was all this evil even coming from? She desperately wants to pin it all on Nolofinwe's House, but she's not sure that is entirely fair. Still, she asks Feanor. "Could this evil have entered in from the Nolofinwians?" She asks, but the proposition is a little silly in ways, after all, Maitimo was probably the closest with the House of Nolofinwe due to his friendship with Findekano. And he was one of the most decent children she could think of. "Or perhaps they simply picked it up outside of our home? Or they had quick tempers and didn't really mean their evil?"

She grasps at threads, just hoping that something she says will satisfy every gaping hole and free her and her sons from guilt. She almost wishes she had never known about being wrong in accusing Fingon. She misses the peace and relief she could revel in, enjoying the knowledge that her sons were good kids who had merely been misled. But now, all the pressure was back on, and she desperately needs to find out that it was all a big misunderstanding or that her sons are innocent and someone else ought to be hanged for their wrongdoings. She wishes there was a single culprit that was completely aside from her sons that she could punish, exile, even kill, and then have peace again. More than anything, she wants peace.

Amrod lifts his head a little, looking at Feanor. "I'm trying to figure something out..." He begins. "I know you said that I'm forgiven, by Nelyo... That he chose to put aside the debt I owed him. And I'm very, very grateful." He sighs, one of relief, sort of. "But what about- I mean, just because I'm forgiven doesn't mean that I-" He's trying to figure out how to say this, and in his mind, miserably failing. Finally, he comes out blunt. "I feel like I have a duty to him, you know? Because I've been such a terrible brother... I need to be a better one..." He closes his eyes, not wanting to relive the painful guilt inside but submitting to it and pausing for a few short moments as the scene of his treachery plays back in his head. He doesn't fight it anymore. It might hurt, but he deserves that hurt. And if it makes his heart ache, good. Maybe then he'll learn. He can never fall back into this evil again. He shudders a little, opening his eyes. "I mean, how can I be the best brother to Nelyo?" Finally, he gets the question out, and it relieves him as he chokes out the last word. Now, he just has to wait.

~~~

Maglor notices his words to her and immediately perceives that something is wrong. But, poetic and purposeful as always, he gently hints at it. "Is there something distressing you?" He places a hand over hers. "You know, tension is what makes beautiful music. The more sorrowful, the more glorious a lamentation... I find there is no greater honor and goodness than in pouring your heart out to another, in melodious tongue or in the depths of words. Shall we begin? What lay upon your heart, sister?"

~~~

Fingon glances down, hearing Maitimo's words. I forgive you? No. That can't be right. No one is forgiving me. Much as Maitimo seems sincere, and it would be a deeply relieving thing to know that he's been forgiven, he can't believe it. He can't accept it. There's no more mercy for him. He's learned that. Whenever he lost the privilege of it, he's not sure, but one thing is certain: it's gone. No one will forgive him. He's stuck earning back acceptance and barely being tolerated in the meantime. And he doesn't have a choice.

And as Maitimo goes on, he starts to get the picture and essentially zones out of everything after Maitimo says that he was angry and couldn't understand why Fingon wouldn't apologize. 'That sounds more accurate.' He thinks to himself. And it's true. It does sound more accurate. It seems a familiar tone. Not exactly contempt, but not forgiveness and certainly not love. And who could blame Maitimo for feeling that way? Absolutely no one. Fingon is fully aware that he does not deserve Maitimo. As Fingolfin said, everything is a gift, and he doesn't deserve any of that right now. It's a blessing, and he's fully aware of that.

Findekano's face drops as he hears Maitimo tell of their planned departure. "Wait- swiftly? How quickly are you leaving?" His heart is grieved to hear all of this, and he thinks to himself, the one person who seems to still care for me and I'm going to lose him. "No, don't leave..." He's trying hard to keep from sobbing, but it isn't very successful. And he feels embarrassed, realizing that he must look absolutely terrible and be placing so much on Maitimo. "I'm sorry," He says gently. "I don't mean to put this on you... It's just that... just that..." He can't even think of a way to hide this, to make it sound any better, so he doesn't even try. "Well, maybe it's that you're the only one right now. My only friend... And I'm-I'm terrified of losing you." He sighs tearfully. "I used to look for comfort and love in my father... But ever since, well, since the accusations were made against me... he's never trusted me the same." His eyes stream with tears. "I'm-I'm sorry for putting this on you."

Finwe approaches the two cousins, gently speaking. "It's good that you too have each other... Very good." He wants to leave this conversation to Maitimo, for now. Especially because Maitimo is doing a very good job, and knows Fingon better than Finwe ever has.

 

[Maedhros_Nelyafinwë]

Fëanor can tell that Nerdanel is trying to find some way to pin the blame outside of their sons and even on herself. Not that he's judging her for it; he doesn't want to believe that his sons could be capable of such great evil either, but as someone who loves logic and justice, he's been forced to accept the truth, and he wishes his wife would do the same.

"We had very little interaction with the Nolofinwians for many years before the incident," he points out. "As much as I think they should not be an influence on our children, based on the behavior I have seen in them tonight, I also do not believe the evil treachery of the brothers can be traced to them. And could it be an outside influence? Possibly, but who? Besides, even if someone did influence them, they still are responsible for their own choices, and still guilty."

As Amrod asks his questions, Fëanor is puzzled by them. In his mind, their grief was settled long ago after Amrod repented for it, and even yesterday, Nelyo seemed to have reminded Amrod of his forgiveness yet again. Why is Amrod still upset about it? Being one who easily compartmentalizes things, Fëanor doesn't understand what Amrod is truly getting at.

"You have been a fine brother to him lately," he says, his words seeming blunt, but not spoken with unkind intent. "You have truly repented of your deeds against him and he has accepted that. You even worked with the healers to help him when he was wounded. What better brother could he ask for than you? It would unfair to expect you to do any more for Nelyo than you already have done."

~~~

Maitimo can sense Fingon's coldness as he speaks, and it puts an anxious feeling deep down inside him. Was he wrong to say all that, when Fingon had surely heard enough condemnation lately? But Maitimo had not said those words to condemn him, but rather to be as fully honest as possible, so that Fingon would know Maitimo's forgiveness was sincere. After all, if Maitimo did not speak of his anger, what meaning did his forgiveness have?

So he's somewhat relieved when the topic changes back to his family's departure, but that relief is short-lived because Findekano's desperation to not be alone swiftly becomes apparent. And Maitimo realizes that Findekano really, truly will be alone. And it pains him beyond anything else that he can't be there, the one time when his closest friend needs him. After all, trying to argue the point with either Fëanaro or Nolofinwë, and trying to get either of them to relent in their judgment, would be pointless and only worsen the conflict. He's at a loss for words, and simply embraces Findekano once again, tears falling from his eyes.

But as Finwë speaks to them, Maitimo suddenly gets an idea. One that may possibly work.

"Grandfather," he says, "do you think it would be at all possible for Findekano to stay a little while with you, as opposed to going home with his parents right away? I can't imagine Nolofinwë would object to his son learning from your wisdom, and perhaps he could even see it as a form of disciplinary action. But your advice and encouragement have helped me so much, and even though it pains me beyond words that I cannot be there for you in your time of need, brother--" his gaze turns back to Findekano-- "I can make sure that somebody will be, someone who is far wiser than I, and will comfort you."

 

[Elbereth Vala Varda]

Nerdanel's heart sinks, seeing blatantly clear that Feanor is not interested in helping her achieve peace of mind and rather just wants to throw the blame on someone. She wants the same. Just, someone else. Anyone else. She doesn't even care who. Just someone to be responsible so that she and her husband and her family can be rid of guilt and a responsibility to atone. She sighs. "Feanaro, boys are boys, though, right?" She tries to take yet another approach. "They were probably just misunderstanding the fact that we always gave Nelyo attention, because he was the heir." She shakes her head. "They were probably just jealous. There was no malice. Just quick-tempered wild boys who didn't think through their actions at all..." After her words, it's hard to see who she is trying to convince. Herself, or her husband? But all the same, she's doing her best to pin the blame on someone else or something else. She doesn't want to take responsibility for it herself.

"Besides, as soon as we get home... Maybe the brothers can redeem themselves. And who cares then? This will all be a thing of the past and there will be no one to blame, and... no severe harm done..." She stops in her words. Even she can't convince herself that's true. It doesn't make any sense, nor does it even physically seem plausible.

Amrod isn't sure how to respond to that? What better brother could he have been? Literally EVERYTHING. He could start with not hating Nelyo, not trying to kill Nelyo, not teasing him, not yelling at him, not blaming him, not hurting him. And that was just the beginning. That was just the sins that he committed, and there were a thousand more faults if he examined what he should have done and did not do. And he blurts out as all these thoughts rush through his head. "What are you talking about? I've literally been the worst brother that I could possibly have been." His head droops, and he wonders if Feanor will ever understand. He supposes not. Of course not, He thinks. Father isn't a criminal. He's not a murderer. He's not a treacherous villain and he's not a traitor. He'll never understand. I'm all of those things. And again, he can't help but loathe himself, wondering why he was even born and wondering what Nelyo's world would be like without him. Most likely better. And that's a painful thought.

~~~

Finwe listens to Maitimo's proposition, and nods slowly, attentively absorbing everything his grandson is saying. Finally, when Maitimo finishes, he sighs. "Hm, I don't know, son..." His eyes are softened and gentle to both of them. "Perhaps. I would have to ask you father, Findekano." He says, turning his gaze to Fingon.

Fingon shrinks back a little, clinging even more tightly to Maitimo. The thought of Finwe speaking to his father is horrifying. If grandfather were to make one mistake, or tell the truth, that he had been with Maitimo, he knew he'd be beaten and whipped for disobeying father, and probably told that he could never speak with his closest friend ever again. "Don't!" He shouts. "Don't tell father about any of this-you don't understand what he'll do-!" he trembles with fear, even thinking about it, becoming aware of the stinging irritation and mild pain that the bruises and slashes are causing him still, even after the whole night. "I can't take it... not again...."

 

[Maedhros_Nelyafinwë]

Fëanor stares at Nerdanel in shock and disbelief. There are so many logical flaws in what she says that he doesn't even know where to begin in refuting it all.

Rarely is he ever angered with her, but at her claim that no real malice was meant behind the sons' actions, and that there was no severe harm from it, he cannot hold his tongue.

"No severe harm?" he says sternly, his eyes narrowing. "Have you forgotten what happened to our Nelyo? I am amazed you are saying this, Nerdanel! Can you not remember that day when he almost died, and his agony was severe? And not only was it severe, but it was also pointless! Nay, our sons, for all their faults, are not stupid. I think I can be fairly certain that if they had the consciousness of mind to load up a poisoned arrow and shoot him, they knew exactly what they were doing, and must be not only punished, but also held responsible and guilty. They have earned our contempt and righteous anger, and I have no pity for them as they languish in the dungeons even as we speak."

And as Amrod speaks, Fëanor's confusion with him only deepens, and he asks, "After you repented, what have you to be guilty about? Tell me, specifically, what makes you think you have not been a good enough brother to Nelyo. And I'm not talking about your part in the fight. Have we not been over this?"

It's beginning to both concern and frustrate him that Amrod still hasn't seemed to accept Maitimo's forgiveness, and that they are having this conversation yet again.

~~~

For a moment, Maitimo closes his eyes tightly, shutting out tears, grieving for the suddenly dark fate of his friend. To fear for your own physical safety in your own House... that's a feeling Maitimo is all too familiar with. Even now he is not fully comfortable in his own House, always worrying somewhere in the back of his mind that his brothers might escape from the dungeons somehow and finish what they started. Or perhaps they'll manage to get one of the guards or something to secretly aid them in their evil plots. They might have had a few guards sympathetic to their side; who knew? Nothing was an impossibility. Though, if the brothers were successful, Maitimo realizes he barely cares, and he'd rather they just finish it than leave him to suffer through this life even more.

Opening his eyes, he takes a deep breath and tries to summon some courage, for Fingon's sake. "He has a point, Grandfather. If Nolofinwë finds out he was with me, he may hurt him again. I know you are very honest and you might not like the idea, but please, for his safety... You don't have to tell Nolofinwë that he was with me. Just tell him you were talking to him, which is true, and that it might be good for him to stay with you a while. Please, I think you're the only one that Nolofinwë might listen to, the only one who can protect Findekano!"

His voice breaking and increasingly desperate, Maitimo says with sudden passion and severity, "No one should be in physical danger in their own House. No one!"

With this whole situation being very close to the wounded parts of his heart for more reason than one, Maitimo trembles visibly, and tears stream from his face.

 

[Elbereth Vala Varda]

Nerdanel falls silent. She knows that he is right. She knows that there is no way that her sons are innocent. But she doesn't want to believe it. She doesn't want to accept the fact that four of her sons are murderous traitors, two more are traitors who repented, and the only one's even decently okay are her two eldest.

She sighs. "Feanor..." She can't believe that he came out like that against her. "Please don't make this any more conflicting than it must be..." She says this because she knows of her husband's tendency to arguments and fighting. It's always been a trait of his, to be quick to anger about things and even quicker to get agitated and go off on long tangents. But she doesn't like this feeling, to be on the receiving end of his wrath. "Can't you please try and put aside your temper and speak about things peacefully, love?"

A sigh escapes her lips. It irritates her greatly that Feanor lashed out like that. He is supposed to be gentler with his family and wife. He isn't supposed to get angry, and the fact that he has deeply angers and irritates her.

Amrod glances down. Of course, there's many things he could tell Feanor on how he was a bad brother to Nelyo. Worst of all was the fight, but there were a thousand things other than that he had done wrong. But after it? He couldn't really think of much, aside for the occasional bluntly stated statement, and he wasn't really sure that was a serious offense.

"But it's not like that's all in the past, father." He says, bringing back up those faults of his for what seems like the hundredth time. "I've done wrong to him. It doesn't matter if he forgives me, I'm still guilty."

~~~

Finwe's expression softens, seeing the fear in Fingon's eyes and the desperate courage in Maitimo's. It seems like there is a true portion to what they are saying. But still, Finwe deeply hesitates to hide anything about Fingolfin's own son from him. As a father himself, Finwe would want to know where and what his children were. He wouldn't want anyone to hold those things back from him, so the fact that these two cousins were begging him to do just that was deeply troubling. It could be what Maitimo says. It could save Findekano. Perhaps. But it could also sever the relationship between father and son not only in Fingon and Fingolfin but in Nolofinwe and Finwe. And that frightens him, and he's very wary of it.

"I don't know, son..." He says, looking with deep sympathy at Maitimo, tears clouding the corners of his eyes. "I don't know if I can do that for you... Nolofinwe ought to know everything, you know that... I don't think it wise to hide his own child's doings from him." Finwe can sense that Maitimo is perhaps even more grieved by this solely because of his own past, and how he was in danger in his own home, and he sees this through the bold cries of the young Elda, and perceives that he is most likely very moved. "I'm sorry, son... Sorry to both of you, truly... Findekano, I do not know what is all in your father's heart. All I can say is for you to listen to him, and obey him, but maybe not take all of his words deeply into your identity. As fathers, we all say things we regret. We say things we wish we could retract later. And... perhaps that is what is happening."

To Maitimo, he lays a gentle hand on his shoulder. "I want to do this, my son... Truly... But I don't know... See, Findekano is not in danger as you were. His father will not kill him. He is safe, enough..." He sighs. "I'm sorry... I want to help. I just, I don't know how far I can take this."