Continue This Totally Ridiculous Story...

[Tar-Ancalime]

"Citizens of mordor" she began, "I have a dream that all day we shall have you work!" and the orcs cheered

 

[Valdarmyr]

...all except the Orc who thought he was a Hobbit. He said he wanted to go to Hobbiton, farm crops, eat lots, smoke pipe weed, and grow hair on his feet.

 

[Feanorian]

he was actually a hobbit in the witness protection program..he was seeking refuge from the sisterhood of the pants

 

[Turin]

So he fled to the brotherhood of the pantys...

 

[HLGStrider]

Bob, who wasn't sure where he was at this point, so he scrolled back a few pages and found out he was working as a seemstress with Betsy Ross.

 

[Valdarmyr]

He'd just had the strangest dream about an Orc who was having a panic attack because he couldn't decide whether he should wear boxers or briefs, when Betsy smacked him upside the head and brought him back to reality, the force of the blow knocking out one of Bob's fake eyeballs and sending it skittering across the floor, as if batted by an innocent little kitten! "Is this what I pay you for?" she asked him, and added, "We have to get these flags ready for soldiers to carry in the Battle of Pelennor Fields on December 16th, or PJ will have them carry something else, and if that happens, joxy and Mrs. Maggott will have my head!!!"

 

[HLGStrider]

"Perhaps they could carry a Big Mac and some fries?" Bob said somewhat groggily. "And a pizza. . .I bet everyone in Gondor is really hungry. . .and you can't eat flags. I know because I tried. . .and Mrs. Maggott and Joxy had my head, and I had to get a transplant, which took a long time. . ."

Bob's eye rolled around seeing things it had never seen before, like peanuts and coffee tables.

 

[Turin]

And then Bob's eyeball got flushed down the toilet and he saw some other things that he didn't want to see.

 

[HLGStrider]

His eye ended up in the land of the Smerfs where Elgee was plotting with all her powers of goodness and light against Aule and the evil forces of Graph Kludge that had recently endangered her totally ridiculous story.

 

[Valdarmyr]

But the power of the Ring could not be undone, and when Aule and Graph Kludge's lumbering hoardes came up against the towering figure of the Webmaster, the sheer force of WM's presence made them promise to keep their tricksy little fingerses off TTF's Number One Thread!

Meanwhile, having spent a fortnight with the Smurfs, Bob's eye then ventured into the Land of Morrrdorrr--at least, that's how Elrond says it--and there it spied with its little eye the Eye of Sauron!

 

[Turin]

But Bob came up and poked Sauron's eye so it finally blinked and started to cry, so Bob put an eye drop in it and it became normal again.

 

[Feanorian]

but Sauron could never get over the shame of blinking...he had to join a support groups BA (blinkers aynonumos)

 

[Turin]

But his hair was too long so they kicked him out.

 

[HLGStrider]

He went and got his hair styled and permed and that made him not such a bad guy because all it was was a very long bad hair day that was making him evil.

 

[Valdarmyr]

(Our narrator says, in an aside to our audience, "Gollum...now there's a bad hair day! I bet the fellas from "***** Eye For The Straight Guy" could help him out big time!" The aside now over, our story continues.)

Sauron had just gotten back to being a nice guy, but all this talk about eyes was making him feel rather tense and itchy, so he said the magic word--"Proud-FEET!"--and BANG, Bob's eye flew back into his head! Now that Bob had his eye back, the first thing he did was...

 

[HLGStrider]

write a fan letter to Boris Yeltzin, who he thought was the guy who played the Russian in Airforce One, but when Boris got the letter, he became in incensed. .. actually, he was in centsed, so he had a lot of change, but he couldn't make a phone call because the phone only took Russian coins and he was in Botswana, where the phones only take Moldovian coins, and then only on thursdays or any friday with a full moon.

 

[Turin]

Bob's hair had turned white since he went to Russia and joined the moffia and got shot with koolaid which was...

 

[BlackCaptain]

Buckleberry. It's so sad because Bob was alergic to Buckleberry. He died. But then came back to life because his coffin was the wrong color and he couldnt rest in peace

 

[Feanorian]

and he got on a megaphone and said "HEY YOU ALL MAKE ENOUGH NOISE TO WAKE UP THE DEAD" and then the world responded with "GET OFF THE STAGE!"

 

[HLGStrider]

It was a green coffin and Bob just knew this was a purposeful insult to his beloved great Aunt Martha, who was a Checkoslovokian nurse from Belgrade. The other kids at school had always teased Bob because they had Scottish nurses from Qatar for aunts, and he didn't even have an Irish one, and he just knew that the coffin was Green to remind him that he didn't have an Irish nurse for an aunt.

So he went to the Lord of the Underworld, Lord Worldunder, and asked him to solve his coffin problem. Not understanding, Lord Worldunder gave Bob some Ricola cough drops, which Bob immediately took to be an insult against his dog who was a German shepherd, not a Swiss army knife.