RP 🎲 O Fëanoriel Runyaril ar i Vérë o i Silmarilli (Of Fëanoriel and the Oath of the 💎Silmarils)

[Áramandë Amaniel]

I cast a glance at both Nerdanel and Maitimo. At long length, I answer, my tone still frail:

"It is just...so many things...and...it was not meant to be..."

Next thing I know, the words come out from my shattered heart before I can even process them, suddenly exclaiming in impassioned tones:

"It was not meant to be like this! I had thought indeed that this would happen, that this peace would be shattered, that these two Houses would be sundered...and now! Now, look at what hath befallen all of us, look at this! It had went exactly as I feared, exactly as I hoped it would not be! Would that my thoughts and my words had not held so much weight! And now, there is nothing, nothing at all that may reverse this fickle turn of fate, nothing again that may heal this rift between these two Houses! It is all gone! All hope hath fallen! Illi Estel alantië!"

My tears fall uncontrollably, never seeming to end, and I fall into her embrace, my body wracked with sobs of deepest sorrow and guilt.​

 

[Maedhros_Nelyafinwë]

Maitimo is quiet as they walk out of the gardens and down the halls, his mind reeling. It is not lost on him that this could be the last time he ever spoke with Findekano... as friends, at least. And again he feels massive guilt over it all. Could he have better convinced him to say what Fëanor wanted to hear, or perhaps have done a better job persuading Fëanor towards mercy? And needless to say, Maitimo is still certain that none of this conflict would have come up in the first place if not for him, ultimately.

He barely hears Nerdanel speak, and her mentioning of Finwë brings a heaviness to his heart. Finwë had seemed to think so highly of him, but he had all the wrong information, and had no idea what a cruel brother Maitimo had apparently been. Surely, his opinion would be different if he knew, and perhaps he is now finding out the truth from Amrod. "We did speak a while," he finally says to Nerdanel. "And it was a good conversation, but so much has changed since then... everything has changed..."

They arrive at the balcony, and Maitimo is grateful for the chance not to speak for a while, instead listening to his sister's lament. He says nothing, but nods in silent agreement with it. And yet for him the conflict with the Nolofinwians is only half the issue; the other half the issue of his guilt. In a way, he longs to tell them both about it, since he's fairly certain they would reassure them that his fears are unfounded. But he can't trust that they are not biased towards him and against the brothers.

~~~

"I do not wish any ill on you or any animosity between our Houses," Fëanor says. "That is why I came here and why we were all gathered here today. But at the same time, you have still not offered me a sincere apology for your words tonight, so what do I have to accept? You are begging me for mercy, but I have no basis to give any, and no place to interfere with whatever punishment your father has for you."

And speaking of Fingolfin, Fëanor hears some voices and glances up, and narrows his eyes when he sees the Nolofinwians approaching.

Despite everything, he has some pity in his heart for the young Findekano, especially seeing the red mark on his face. Truthfully, Fëanor can't imagine intentionally laying a hand on any of his children, no matter how disobedient they are. While he did wound Fëanoriel in their fight that one time, that was somewhat an accident and a reaction of self-defense, and never something he would intentionally do. Something like this seems entirely unlike the gentle Nolofinwë, so Fëanor feels hesitant to just hand Findekano over to him like that.

But at the same time, Findekano isn't Fëanor's child, and the recent events have taught him not to interfere with another man's judgment of his own children. So he is silent as the Nolofinwians approach.

Turgon and Aredhel were hopeful at first, seeing Fingon talking to Fëanor, but they drew closer and could plainly hear his screaming and pleading. They exchange horrified glances. Clearly, this has not gone so well.

Fëanor does not say a word, feeling he does not need to, that Fingolfin will have heard his son's cries and that will tell him everything he needs to know. Normally, he would have jumped to anger and accusations, but now, for some reason, he does not have the heart for it.

 

[Elbereth Vala Varda]

Nerdanel frowns sadly, hearing Feanorie's words. "Oh, I know, love..." She whispers. "It's so saddening, all of this is... But there is still hope, please don't forget. Our family is still whole and full, even if theirs is not. And while we have had our troubles, they are mostly over now, and redemption may be able to begin when we return back home..." She says this vaguely, of course, but in her mind she wonders if they will be able to fix things with the sons upon their return, and if those who had been named the treacherous four could slowly earn back their dignity and trust. But she doesn't say anything about it. Not, right now. It seems far too soon and too severe to bring up at a moment like this, and even she does not have such an oblivious twang so as not to recognize that.

She looks to Maitimo. "Changed? Hm, what changed, love?" It seems like a very foolish question. Obviously, everything has changed, and she doesn't need anyone to tell her that. She just knows. She could see it in the way that Maitimo pleaded for Fingon to receive mercy, and in the way that he lashed out at Amrod back at the feast. But still, he seems to be talking about something deeper. Like a change of the heart, of sorts. A change of belief, or at least it comes across that way. "I don't mean the obvious," She adds, "For we all know the circumstances... But what is wrong? What has changed?"

She tosses an arm loosely around each of them, holding them closely in the fading light of night, the Trees of Valinor emitting a softer hue, a reminder to the Eldar that the time for dreaming slumber, witless wandering, had begun. The birds nest softly away, and the air is cool and refreshing. It feels good to have a breath from the garden, for as peaceful as the garden can be, it was ruined by the chaos of yelling and screams.

"How lucky am I..." She mutters. "To be here with you both..." And she closes her eyes, feeling a rustle of wind blow softly through her auburn red hair, a breath of relief and calmness escaping her.

~~~

Fingon looks up at Feanor, not right in the eye, for he cannot bear that sort of contact, but at least he gives a vague glance in the direction of him. His words this time, don't make sense. 'Did I not just apologize to you?' He thinks to himself, a slight feeling of anger coming over him. He'd probably said sorry at least seven times in the last recent minutes. Were none of those good enough for Feanor? What'd he expect? And those thoughts came out just like in his head, only this time, audible.

"I apologized to you!" He stammers. "Several times! And I tried to fix this-- I truly did! How much will it take for you to forgive me?! Don't I deserve it after all of this-?" The words just spill out of him. "I understand that I've done things that no one was glad that I did, that I've done things which upset you and others," He doesn't indicate to that being justly so or not, in order not to violate his own very deeply held beliefs. "but I've come out here and suffered the indignity of all of you-- and you still won't forgive me? Really?!" He gives a huff, immediately feeling that aching feeling within him come back like a prickling dread. Guilt.

"I mean-- I'm sorry- again, if it makes any difference!" He screams. "Please, just get me out of this-- forgive me and I won't have to suffer whatever consequences-and-" He feels his voice break. "Just don't-don't tell my father-please!"

Fingolfin takes a step, entering the garden scape laid before him. "Tell your father what?"

Fingon's heart sinks, and he doesn't even turn to look at him. He doesn't have to. He knows that voice too well.

It's father. I'm doomed.

He shrinks back, nearly falling over as he clamors across the ground, crouching into a corner of the wall, his form shaking uncontrollably, trembling so much that it's impossible to hide.

"Greetings, brother." Fingolfin says softly, facing Feanor with a slight bow of the head. He has, of course, heard all of this screaming and is fully aware that this conversation must have gone horribly wrong, and even more aware that it is without a doubt, completely his son's fault. But, if he can maintain this relation with Feanor, things will be better. He does not know yet, how bad things have actually gotten and of Feanor's decision to never let the two Houses meet again, unless as sworn enemies.

He takes another step, his gaze narrowing on Fingon, crouched into the corner, apparently hiding. Fury stirs in his chest, rage at his son for ruining this not once- but twice, and virtually spitting with disrespect upon the relationship between Fingolfin and his brother. So, he doesn't waste any time with making his feelings known.

"Findekano," He begins, a stern and warning edge in his voice. "Do you relish in the destruction of all of the things that I, that my House and family, hold dear?"

Fingon shakes his head eagerly, not finding words, but wanting to make his disapproval known.

"Really?" His father gives an incredulous tone, which Fingon returns with another swift negative shake. "Then why do you constantly continue to do this?!"

"I-" Fingon doesn't know what to say. Was there even a right way to respond to that? He wasn't ready for any of this, and he can't react in any other way than to bury his face in his hands and tremble all the more, terrified.

"Answer me!" Fingolfin's eyes narrow. He doesn't want to put any more discipline into action with his son. It would sadden him to have to do it, and yet, if it is the only way that he will learn, then it is the only way that he will learn, and Fingolfin will do whatever it takes to teach his son proper conduct.

 

[Áramandë Amaniel]

I give a wearied glance towards Nerdanel.

"Perhaps so....and yet how has it come to this? How are we meant to endure all this..."

My sobs seem to fade away until all is left are dried tears, and my frail form as I simply relax within her hold - yet, my heart is not relieved in the slightest, and still it is burdened with deep sorrow and guilt.

Sorrow and guilt that I cannot even put into words, for so deeply do they pierce and shatter my heart.

 

[Maedhros_Nelyafinwë]

Internally, Maitimo tries to agree with Nerdanel. He is blessed indeed to have her and Ancalirë as a mother and sister, but he feels cursed to have his own self to contend with. Such thoughts are so dark and bitter that he refuses to burden them with it.

In answer to Nerdanel's question, he replies, "My heart cannot bear to see this growing conflict with the House of Nolofinwë, or to see my friend and brother scorned and ridiculed, but... that's not all..."

He didn't really mean to say those last few words, but it's the honest answer. He might have been able to endure the present conflict if it weren't for his other grief, and how does he even begin to describe that? Should he say it at all?

But he reads the concerned looks from Nerdanel and Ancalirë, he can't bear to keep it all inside anymore. It's poisoning his heart like how the arrow of Celegorm poisoned his hroa. So he blurts out, "Amrod seemed shocked when I told him I loved him. It was as though the knowledge was... brand new to him. He must have felt hated by me for so long... what a terrible brother I must have been, not just to him, but to all of them!"

~~~

Fëanor is silent for a long, long moment as he watches this conversation take place. Though it almost disgusts him to detect such feelings within himself, he can't help but pity his nephew just a little. If nothing else, perhaps it is because of Nelyo's love for him that Fëanor can't bring himself to utterly despise Fingon. He still doesn't believe Fingon is or ever was a good influence on Nelyo, even if he did help him get through the treachery and violence he faced from his brothers. But Fëanor is confident, for the most part, of the goodness of his eldest son's heart.

If he wanted, he could easily condemn Findekano in front of his father and leave him to face whatever brutal judgment Nolofinwë has in store. But why does this feel... so wrong?

Perhaps it is because Fëanor has always been keenly aware of hypocrisy, especially among the Valar. If there is anything he has ever striven to be, it is to be fair and just and not a hypocrite. No, he doesn't have to accept the insincere and selfish excuse of an apology. But on the other hand, Fëanor well remembers the way he himself was involved in unjustly accusing Findekano of violence and treachery against Nelyo, when the violence and treachery had only lain in his own sons all along.

And he realizes something. Nolofinwë has always bent before Fëanor's will. If Fëanor asks him to do something, he will likely do it. This... this could be a chance to make up for that injustice, in action rather than mere words. Fëanor himself has always valued action above meaningless talk, and perhaps Findekano is similar.

Findekano does not fully deserve Fëanor's pardon, but even less had he deserved the harsh treatment he endured in the dungeons, at the hands of his own father and uncle.

Before the argument between Nolofinwë and his son can continue on, Fëanor bluntly interrupts them. "I no longer hold Findekano's words against him."

They both seem to stare at him in shock, but he continues, "Not on grounds of his apology, mind you, for it was insufficient. He made an attempt, which I suppose is noble, but he delivered it with insults and obvious insincerity. I am accepting it despite its insufficiency for one reason only: because it was my words and accusations that brought him unjustly to the dungeons, so let it then be my words that spare him from further punishment, since it is clear he has already been punished."

He gazes at his half-brother thoughtfully for a moment, and adds with just a touch more gentleness, "I have learned much, and learned it the hard way, Nolofinwë, by seeing what I saw amongst my own sons. Let me pass on some of the things I have learned to you, that you won't have to learn it with as much pain and misery as I have. If you rule over your children with no mercy, they will not only fear you, but also despise you. I believed the lies of my younger sons and threw both Nelyo and Fëanoriel in the dungeons when they were innocent. This caused them to flee from the safety of my House, putting themselves in further danger, and they hated and feared me for what I did. Even though I had no way of knowing of their innocence at the time, had I shown some mercy, I would not regret the deed as strongly as I do now. And perhaps I would have discovered the truth sooner, and if Nelyo had not fled from me and the brothers not hunted him down, perhaps he would not have been shot and nearly killed."

He glances at the bruised face of Findekano, and then back at Nolofinwë, and his eyes narrow somewhat as he says firmly, "Do not cause your children to hate you, or they will rebel against your teachings and flee from your protection."

Aredhel and Turgon exchange a wide-eyed glance. Never in a thousand years would they have expected to be siding with Fëanaro more than their own father, but here they are.

However, the slight air of gentleness Fëanor had seemed to show quickly evaporates, and he concludes his speech by saying, "However, just because I have released Findekano from the debt he owes me, this does not mean his actions are without consequences. I do not think he should be allowed to see Nelyo unless I deem it appropriate, and for now, I do not deem it appropriate. In fact, I do not think our Houses should interact for the time being."

 

[Elbereth Vala Varda]

Nerdanel smiles sadly and wipes Feanoriel's tears with the hem of her shawl. "It's alright, lovely..." She whispers. "We can put all these things aside, remember. And your father is handling it all now, and you know how skilled he is." While Feanor wasn't particularly skilled with diplomatic relations and with peaceful conversation, she isn't about to insult his talent. He is very skilled after all, with many things, and being his wife, she admires him more than anything and trusts him fully. "For now, just close your eyes, and let it all wash away. We're here now, mm?"

To Maitimo she turns, an arm cast around him as her hand is placed, and possibly tangled, in his curly hair. "I'm sorry, my love... But Fingon is not your friend, and he's certainly not your brother. That is a stronger word than you might think. Don't give that kind of title to one who does not deserve it." But as she gauges the situation, she mellows. "I mean, I understand your worry, I just wish you wouldn't have it so strongly. I suppose I didn't get you out of there fast enough. I should have worked faster, to make sure you didn't have to see any of that." But as he mentions that this was not all that was bothering him, her eyes become narrowed in attentiveness and she listens keenly to whatever he has to say.

And as he goes on, though she tries to stop it, she can't help but laugh aloud. "This is what is concerning you?" Another laugh spills past her lips. "Child, Amrod is just..." She chuckles, a grin spreading across her face. "He's terrible at giving love, and even worse at receiving it. You know that, don't you?" She holds him closer, initially trying to pull her hand out of Maitimo's hair but eventually surrendering and simply pulling him closer with that arm. "I'm sure that it's nothing you did... But if you're really so unsure, ask Maglor. He'll tell you that he feels loved. Or ask your sister. They feel emotion better than Amrod ever could."

~~~

Fingon listens in shock to Feanor's words. It's the last thing he could have possibly expected. What he thought he would hear was Feanor yelling at him, condemning him in front of his father and perhaps even both of them springing on him like a pack of wolves in the night. And yet, Feanor seems to, save him... It's such a remarkable thing. Initially, he uses this time to inch away, praying that he can get out of this garden and run away, far, very far away, where father can't find him and he can live in peace, if only for a moment. But as this long speech goes on, and he knew that Feanor was particularly known in the family for his iconic impossibly long tirades, he listens.

Fingolfin, finds this whole situation horrible to hear of. The fact that Fingon apparently insulted him and displayed insincerity, while in the midst of an apology... The mere thought of it makes him want to beat Fingon over the head, one hit for each time he's utterly reviled his uncle. But something stops him, Feanor, oddly enough. He doesn't expect it at all, and it makes him think. Is what he is saying true? Surely, Fingolfin is not being any sort of bad father to Fingon because of his punishments, is he? Fingon deserved every bit of the screams and insults he had taken, and indeed, he also deserved the strike across his face, although it pained Fingolfin to deal it.

Finally, as Feanor finishes, Fingolfin looks to him. "But, my son... he's not afraid of me. He doesn't hate me." And with those words, Fingolfin extends a hand in Fingon's direction, to which he visibly flinches, feeling subconsciously that it was a trap.

Fingolfin then rises, a little appalled that this is really happening, and turns to Feanor, walking beside him. "I appreciate the counsel you have given me, truly, I do. You know how hard it is to raise these children, and how much they tend to defy orders. But how am I to let my son run free after what he has done? He has utterly defied me, he has reviled you and dishonored our entire race." His voice drops to a low mutter. "He doesn't even deserve his place in our House, but I'm still allowing him to have it, for now." He sighs. "The point is, this is not just some Eldar. This is my son, my heir... He will one day go on to hold our family name and whether he will honor it or dishonor it, is mine to determine right now. How am I to give him the discipline that he certainly needs, while not making him apparently frighten me?" He flashes a glance at Fingon. "Listen, I didn't want to hurt him like I did. But if you'd seen, I'd spoken, I'd yelled, I'd threatened, and nothing seemed to work. At least when I struck him, he stopped arguing. He stopped defying my orders. He acted like he ought to." He holds one hand up in the air. "See, this is my one chance to build someone who must go on to be better in greatness and gentleness and forgiveness and nobleness than myself. I don't want to fail a single thing with Findekano. He must be perfect."

For the moment, he doesn't question Feanor about the idea of not interacting with their House. He doesn't want to bring it up, hoping that if he just continues this lighter conversation, Feanor won't even bother about it, or he can at least gently slide into the topic rather than it coming up abruptly.

 

[Maedhros_Nelyafinwë]

Maitimo stiffens at the way his mother speaks about Findekano. He knows his friend has done wrong this evening, but he doesn't think that means he was wrong to ever trust him or be friends with him. And this is reminding him a little too closely of when Findekano was being framed for treason, and the way Nerdanel had seemed almost to relish in vindication about it. Maitimo had thought they were all past that, and that the irrational hatred of his closest friend had stopped, but apparently not.

His displeasure grows, and his eyes widen in shock and even hurt, when she laughs at what he said about Amrod. His guilt over his brothers has been eating him alive all evening, and Nerdanel laughs about it?

"But doesn't it make sense?" he argues. "After all, there has to be some valid reason why they all hated me enough to want me dead. I must have failed to make them feel loved... I deserved what they did."

He pauses, though, as she mentions Maglor, and this causes him to think. Maglor may indeed be a neutral enough source to ask about this. Ancalirë will be biased towards him, and the other brothers against him. And while Maitimo and Maglor have had a decently close relationship before, and he never got involved with the murder attempts, they weren't as close as Maitimo was with Ancalirë. Maglor really might be able to provide an honest and objective answer.

When Nerdanel's hand gets stuck in his hair, he winces slightly, gives a bit of an annoyed sigh and sorts out some of the tangles until her hand can be freed.

~~~

"If you don't plan on following my advice, there's no need to tell me about it," Fëanor says flatly. He feels he has done his duty; he couldn't lie to Nolofinwë to cover for Findekano, but at the same time he couldn't entirely abandon his nephew to face the full brunt of Nolofinwë's judgment. And his decision to separate his House from the Nolofinwians is firm in his mind, and he won't interfere in whatever Fingolfin decides what to do with his son. Obviously, he would prefer it if Fingolfin took his advice, but now that he has done his duty in giving it, he doesn't care all that much what Fingolfin ends up doing. His conscience is clear, and that's what matters.

"Punish your son, or don't. I have advised you to show some mercy, but I will not get involved again with how you decide to judge him. So unless you are still seeking my advice, none of this is my concern anymore. For my part I have forgiven Findekano, and our Houses are now to be separated. Do with that what you will. Namarië, Nolofinwë."

He turns his back to leave, feeling confident and at peace with himself. Yes, this seems to be the best thing he can do for his family: to revert things back to how they used to be and always should have been, with a safe distance between his House and the Nolofinwians. And yet, for now, a disastrous conflict between these Houses twain seems to have been averted.

 

[Elbereth Vala Varda]

Nerdanel senses Maitimo's sudden movement of displeasure as she mentions Fingon. But still, he doesn't verbally defend his cousin, so perhaps there is some hope to this, and she can finally get her son away from him. "You saw how he spoke to your father," She notes. "I can't believe you would tolerate that kind of insolence from one whom you name friend." She sighs. "The point is, he's not your friend and the sooner you let go of that, the better things will be." She softens a little, realizing that her previous words might have come out blunt. "Maybe he was your friend, but he isn't anymore, and he certainly isn't a good one." She won't mention the idea of leaving him, for the moment. She knows Maitimo is smart. He will doubtlessly come to that conclusion on his own.

At his second comment, she isn't sure what to say. Deserved it? What exactly did Amrod tell Maitimo? Her mind goes down a spiral of bad things that could have happened, knowing just how sharp and to the point Amrod always was with his words. She hopes he didn't accuse Maitimo of never loving him and the others, and analytically challenged Maitimo to believe it.

"Sense?" She gives another brief laugh. "Love, how does that make any sense? It's nonsensical and absurd to think that your brothers did it to you because you deserved it!" She shakes her head. "How on earth did you come to such a ridiculous conclusion? The reason they hurt you was out of pride and anger no doubt. Not because of anything you did to them, but simply because they always hated that you were eldest. They wanted to lord something over you." She pats his hand gently. "See, it's a normal reaction. They are good young boys, it's just that they felt lesser. Probably because father gave you all the attention, because you had to learn the duties as heir. My love, it was a misunderstanding. Not anything you earned."

Does she have any technical proof of this conclusion? No. But in her mind, it's still good enough. After all, it covers everything she wants it to, giving a sufficient way to say that no one really did anything wrong and that the brothers were good, and she was doing the right thing and so was Feanor, and so was Maitimo. She didn't give it much more thought. It gave her a warm comforting feeling to know that it was just a misunderstanding, and that everything would work out in the end.

She smiles as Maitimo gets her unstuck, albeit a little embarrassingly. "Thank you, love."

~~~

Fingolfin staggers back a little, shocked at the idea that Feanor is basically ending this conversation without having really indulged in it. It seems a bit cold, and yet he has never been one to resent his brother for anything at all, and immediately thinks good of Feanaro. But as Feanor rises to leave, he can't help but at least try and stop him, before it's too late.

"Feanor," He starts, his voice a bit louder than usual, in order to be heard. "Wait- brother. What do you mean by separating our two Houses? Surely you do not mean to drive apart our kingdoms twain, yes?" He turns a dark glare at Fingon. "Do not punish our House for the misdeeds of my son. He doesn't speak for me in the slightest, and he doesn't even emulate a single part of who I am by his wretched words to you this night." He turns back to face Feanor. "I will see to it that he would repent to you and fully so. And in front of everyone. Finwe, Maedhros, Nerdanel, everyone..." He tries to name those that might seem the most significant to Feanor.

"I apologize to you sincerely for all of the words of Fingon. He acted rashly and with the poorest form of judgement. I understand your desire to separate him from Nelyo, and in fact, I commend it. But do not break apart ages of connection in favor of seeing this to it's end. Whatever you would have me do with Fingon, I will do it. And if you want anything from our House, you may have it. I know that no price can undo what horrible things that Findekano has done this night," His eyes once again narrow on Fingon in deep contempt. "But please, accept our contrition! It was not I or Anaire, that did this horrific deed, nor was it my daughter, nor the good of my sons." He adds. "It was only Fingon. Please, brother, surely you will not sever us all because of his fault! If you do not want him here, that is fine, I hardly do either. I can send him back to our House alone. We will arrive back soon enough."

Fingon listens to this silently, feeling even more hated and mocked. At least when his father was speaking directly to him, he could always wonder if it was just to scare him. But this, this confirmed that father truly believed all of this about him, that he saw him as a terrible son and heir, and probably knew Findekano was hearing this, but he didn't care.

He gives a slight glance over in the direction of his brother and sister. Feeling helpless, but desiring more than anything to be with them, to be on the receiving end of love and not contempt, or at least to receive kindness from someone in his family, since the idea of those that seemed like family was becoming distant. Maitimo might never see him again in kindly light. And he thinks to himself guiltily and with much regret,

He left and I didn't even show him love. The last word I spoke to him was nothing at all.

 

[Áramandë Amaniel]

"Maglor, you say?" I inquire as I glance towards Nerdanel. "Yet it is difficult to tell. He is one who seeks peace in almost any way, and there was a time in which I saw him grow distant..."

My mind flashes back to when Fëanor had returned me Runyaril, and had went to inquire of Maglor's part in the brothers' plot. Fëanor had advised against me going with him - and I suppose it was better that way. After all, he has many skills, and he knows when to use them well.

Turning back to Nerdanel and glancing at Maitimo also, I ask:

"Do you think it is wise for us to seek out Makalaurë? He may not be the same as he once was."

Under my breath, I add:

"Yet none of us have been. We're all different now."​

 

[Maedhros_Nelyafinwë]

Maitimo glances at his sister and thinks over her words for a moment. It is true that Maglor has been acting strangely since... well, since the third attack, and he hasn't seemed to return to his normal self since then. "I don't know if he can truly be honest and objective," he tells her, "but I have to at least ask him, I think. I'd question Amrod more, but I don't wish to bother him with anything in his state."

At Nerdanel's words about Fingon, Maitimo narrows his eyes, fed up with hearing his friend spoken of like this. "He may have acted wrongly this evening, and I don't defend that, but you and Father and even Nolofinwë have all been terribly harsh and unmerciful," he says indignantly. "Have we not all made mistakes before? I've certainly said things I've regretted, to you, to Amrod, to Father, even. But that does not mean I am unworthy of your love, does it? If I am to be separated from Findekano, I suppose there is little I can do to change your mind, but please, do not say he was never my friend or that he is unworthy of my love. He stood faithfully by me and Ancalirë at the height of our danger, and there is nothing nobler than that. At the very least, do not take the honor of his past actions away from him."

His displeasure grows even greater at the way Nerdanel seems to scoff at his fears. Truthfully, he hopes they're ridiculous and irrational fears, but based on what he has learned tonight from Amrod, he's not sure that they are so far-fetched. And Nerdanel's laughing and ridicule feels more directed at him personally, that he's ridiculous for even thinking such things.

Further, she seems to be undermining the severity of what the brothers did, and this angers him deeply.

Standing up suddenly, his eyes glint with a fierce passion. "A normal reaction? Do you really think it is normal for brothers to try to kill each other, for any reason? This wasn't playing around or a sparring match that went too far, Mother. They were very serious and very violent. Must I remind you of what they did to me, not just once but on three separate occasions? Their actions were deliberate, planned out and brutally violent. No one does this sort of thing out of reckless play. There has to be a reason, and that's what has me so concerned. It has to be deeper than petty anger or jealousy. They hated me, and most likely still do with a passion, if not more so than before since they are in the dungeons now. And I don't think it's so ridiculous that I, at the very least, did something to motivate them to do this. It doesn't excuse what they did, but there has to be a reason, and Amrod has led me to believe I am close to discovering what that reason is."

~~~

Fëanor listens to the words of his half-brother, but his heart is not moved. After all, what benefit is there in being close with the House of Nolofinwë? His children would have a few extra friends, perhaps, but that doesn't seem worth all the conflict and strife that consistently brews up between them whenever they interact.

"My decision is made, and I am not inclined to change it," he says sternly. "I feel our two Houses have been ridden with conflict and strife against each other for a very long time. This incident tonight is just one example. And I admit, the conflict has not always originated from you, but from myself at times. But regardless, we are always in conflict. My family and especially my children have suffered far too much recently, and I just wish them to be left alone for a while, to be protected, and to heal. Perhaps there may come a time when we will fully make right all the wrongs, but for now, I think it wise that we should be separated. I thank you for everything you did for Nelyafinwë when he was attacked by his brothers, but for all our sakes, I believe it is best that we go our separate ways."

 

[Elbereth Vala Varda]

Nerdanel nods to Feanoriel. "Yes. Maglor. It's not such a strange thing, is it? He is your brother."

She listens politely to Maitimo's words about Findekano, despite fully disagreeing with them. One thing is clear, if she wants to get those two apart, she needs to work discreetly, carefully, and not mention him too much. Just drop subtle hints, little reminders of bad things that Fingon did, to distract Maitimo from whatever good ones he is always bringing up. And it shouldn't be very hard, she thinks. For indeed, Findekano may not be a criminal, but he hasn't always acted sensibly or rightly, and he's too quick to temper, which is a trait she can turn against him in Maitimo's mind. She just needs to know what it really is that turns Maitimo off, and makes him feel discomfort or contempt towards someone, and highlight those attributes in his hopefully, former friend.

"Yes, of course, we have all made mistakes. But what do we do, when we make those mistakes?" She pauses, giving a moment for the rhetorical question to brew before promptly answering it. "We repent. We apologize, we assume our role in the trouble we've caused, we take whatever consequences there are along with the responsibility to do better and we move on." She cocks her head to the side. "Now tell me, what did Findekano not do?" She doesn't answer this one, but only shrugs her shoulders with hands outstretched, presuming he's come to the conclusion that Fingon did the exact opposite of what would and should be expected. "I'm just saying what is, love. I'm not judging him one way or the other. These are just facts." She hopes that approach will work well with Maitimo, and slowly he will start to lower his trust in Fingon.

She is, of course, not at all prepared for his following speech. And still, it comes.

She staggers back, eyes wide as Maitimo springs to his feet and roars this whole agenda out as would Feanor, except with a fraction of the skill and much lesser professionalism. And so as it goes on, she doesn't interrupt. If Maitimo is anything like his father, and she hopes he is, nothing would be more upsetting than to pause the tirade for a negative or opposing word. Instead, she waits her turn, and when the whole thing comes to a halt, that's when she gives her response.

Holding her hands out in front of her, palms open in innocence and defense, she backs away. "Alright, alright-" She pauses, letting out a breath of air before continuing on. "So maybe I took things a little too simply. I'm sorry for taking these matters so light. I know that the whole ordeal was unimaginably painful for you," she touches a hand to her heart, expressing feeling. "Believe me, I don't want to make any sort of lighter matter of it. In the words of stone-carving, there is sand, and there are rocks. Now this, this whole situation was a boulder, a mountain... I'm not saying that it's anything short of heart wrenching." She stops, giving a moment of silence to respect Maitimo's pain and emotion, and hopefully make him feel known and understood. "But, I don't think your brothers meant all of this in the right mind. After all, you're right that they were violent, and serious... But they are just young boys. They are wild, quick-tempered, and they rarely think things through. It could have been an emotion, merely fleeting, of jealousy or of pride or indignation or fear, and it could have driven them to do such a thing, not because they considered it the best option, but because they didn't give anything any consideration at all. They acted merely on emotion and feeling and immediate desire."

This theory makes her a little less comfortable than the first. But seeing that it still permits for good sons, the good of her and her husband, and the good of Maitimo, she allows it. If this makes more sense to Maitimo, let him take this one instead.

~~~

Fingolfin face drops, hearing his brother's words of refusal, and he leaps forward towards him, enthusiastically trying to negotiate. "But-but brother- think of it this way. The more allies you have, the more protected you are, and the more protected your children are. If it hadn't been for us, your daughter and son would not have had anywhere to turn from your House. They would've hid off in the woods and potentially have been injured, or worse. I am not saying we must be very close- you-you misunderstand me. I just do not want to sever this bond." He sighs. "And we don't have to surrender to conflict- in fact, I don't want to. We'll do whatever you want, brother. I don't care what it is, I will give it, I will do it, you can have it. No price is too great if it means that our kingdoms can go on living in peace and fellowship. Please, Feanor... Please don't let my son's words," He turns another darkling stare at Fingon. "be the final straw to break this bond. We can preserve it. It-it will be hard to reforge it, once it is gone."

Fingon sees his father's stare but doesn't mind it much. Well, he minds it, but it doesn't really matter. It's not like he can change it, or anything to do with it. In fact, if this whole ordeal has taught him anything at all, it is that he, plain and simply, does not matter. Life will go on just how it is without him. And he can't do anything to stop it. And on another note, nothing he does makes any difference. It will still never be enough. Father will still be angry, this bond will still be broken, Maitimo will still struggle, his siblings will still be under stress. Nothing he does matters. It doesn't make any difference. He'll never be enough, no matter what he does, and the realization of that leaves his heart in shreds.

But on the other hand, if nothing he does will ever be enough, does that mean he has to stop? Maybe it will never make him enough. Obviously, it won't. But would it heal one breaking moment for a friend? Would it comfort his brother or sister when they needed it? Maybe. Of course, it won't cure them. He no longer can believe that he has that kind of power. But if he can help them, even just once, it's worth it. And so, with this new realization fresh in his mind, a both painful and peaceful realization, he makes a strange and probably foolish decision.

"Feanor!" He calls out, regretting it the moment the words fly off his lips, and hoping that it had been inaudible and dry. Unfortunately for him, it had not been. And it was too late to take it back now. Too late to pull away.

 

[Áramandë Amaniel]

Now my eyes narrow as I stand up, exclaiming in vehement tones, almost ones of mocking ire towards Nerdanel, every word interwoven within a harsh and piercing chill:

"An emotion? Ha, mere emotion indeed! And yet they took it to the extreme! They came so close to a Kinslaying, murdering one's own family! What worse sin is there than that?! Tell me! Is that not the worst of them all, that their hearts have been steeped in the greatest darkness possible? Their actions are utterly unforgivable, and they are beyond redemption, or at least beyond trust entirely if I may say so! How have you not seen this already?!"​

 

[Maedhros_Nelyafinwë]

Maitimo is silent, seething with anger. The words of Nerdanel feel condescending to him, as though he's much younger and much dumber than he really is. He has seen her act like this before, seeming to relish in the idea of proving Findekano guilty of wrongdoing, and even more so, in proving herself to be right. Further, the point he was trying to make seems to have gone over her head completely.

"Don't misunderstand me," he says, trying to keep his voice level and calm despite his rising anger. "I never defended what he said or his lack of repentance. I just resent the idea of mocking and belittling him, making him feel hated, and these implications that he was never worthy to be my friend in the first place."

Then, he can read her shock at seeing him react the way he does to her words. Already, he's beginning to regret responding with so much passion, and then Ancalirë jumps in too with similarly fiery words. Not that he disagrees with any of them; in fact, she's seeing his side better than Nerdanel is, as is often the case.

Yet at the same time, he doesn't regret saying what he did. Nerdanel needs to know she shouldn't speak so flippantly about the brothers or their motives, and that Maitimo hasn't gotten over the trauma of it, not in the slightest. So he takes a deep breath and continues to speak with forced calmness. "Forgive me for reacting with such sudden passion, but Ancalirë is right. It is true that it was emotion that led them to do what they did, but that emotion also led them to careful planning and deliberate action. And that is not in any way a normal reaction, or excusable. I may eventually come to forgive them, but never to trust them. Yet at the same time, their actions were so extreme that something must have caused them to do it. Surely, neither of you can deny that, can you?"

~~~

Fingolfin's point about alliance causes Fëanor to pause and reconsider things, but only briefly. While it is true that he does not want to lose an ally, that isn't what he's aiming to do here. Besides, he has a better and stronger ally in Finwë himself, and his own House is plenty strong enough to fend for itself in the time being.

"I am not making an enemy out of you, Nolofinwë. I am only asking for some distance, as we used to have," he says. "Besides, how can you claim to offer me anything I want? You do not have that kind of power. I care not for any meaningless words or tokens, and though I would have liked to see your son repent sincerely, I do not believe it's going to happen. You can't make your child do anything; it was your influence that led him to at least attempt to apologize, but you do not have the power to change his heart. Besides, that matter alone is not what is causing me to ask for some distance. My children have all endured so much, and this conflict tonight has had terrible impacts on all of them. As I have said, they need the time and the space to rest and heal, and it is for their sakes that my decision is final."

Once more, he turns to leave, but this time it is Fingon who calls out to him. Slightly annoyed, but mostly surprised, Fëanor turns to face him with a slight frown. "Now what? Speak quickly."

 

[Áramandë Amaniel]

I give a glance towards Maitimo.

"I cannot, and I will not deny it."

I lean in closer to him, whispering in his ear:

"Yet the blame does not have to lie upon you, and in fact, it may not."

 

[Elbereth Vala Varda]

Nerdanel shrugs, an irritated look coming to her face, a bit unconsciously so. "It doesn't matter why you're defending him, Nelyo. The moment you stand up for him, you also stand for his bad behavior." She lets out a low, exasperated sigh. "Face the truth, Nelyafinwe. You want to be strong, mm? You want to have bravery and be a true and wise one among the Eldar? Then, let go of this ridiculous friendship with this, this-" she shakes her head, laughing. "this supposed to be heir." She lays a hand on his. "He's a joke, Nelyo. You're the only one who can take that throne, and you're the only one who matters. He just wants to get close to you, but he's not worth your time." Her face softens a little. "I'm sorry, I don't mean it so bluntly, but you need to stop wasting your time with him. He never was worthy of this friendship with you, and now that he's shown his true colors, it's time to ditch that companionship. Plain and simple."

She sighs, one hand on her forehead, trying to make sense of all this with the brothers. Honestly, it's the last thing she wants to talk about and the last person she wants to talk about it with. "Nelyo, let's just leave it, alright?" She says, feeling a sickening twang come over her. It's not that she's oblivious, it's that she wants to be blind and Maitimo is forcing her to open her eyes and stare, and really think. "The brothers did what brothers do, your father and I were not capable of stopping it, you were not at fault, your sister, was not at fault and the whole thing was either a big misunderstanding or something else which we need not investigate any further than we already have." She crosses her arms. "End of discussion, on this topic?"

She hopes it doesn't seem too weird to have quieted everything and everyone down like this, but she doesn't feel like she has much other choice. She doesn't want to talk about this anymore, and the thoughts of it are stirring up unresolved angst and fear which she would really rather just ignore. Surely, Nelyo must be considerate and intelligent enough to understand that."

~~~

Fingolfin's heart sinks, hearing the words of his brother and realizing that the decision has already been made. "Brother, perhaps, perhaps we can remain in connection? I don't want to leave. I've always admired you, Feanor. I've always sought you out. Ever have I taken the lower place, and fallen to the back. I would have laid everything down for you, when your son was sick. Please- please don't leave."

He finds himself feeling personally distraught, and so much emotion. For one, and by far the most poignant; sadness. It breaks his heart to see his brother walk away, and he worries very much about what might become of their long-lived friendship, and what sort of evil could stand between them before they meet again. And of course, he feels fear. Feanor was who he always turned to. And anger, at his son, for ruining all of this and destroying the family that he had worked so hard to keep together. He thinks to himself, and these thoughts come out audibly,

"What more could I have done for you, brother? What debts might I repay?"

Fingon feels himself go almost numb with fear as Feanor whips around to face him, eyes dark and staring as they always seemed to be. But, nevertheless, he made this choice, though it was a bad one, and he has a duty to follow through with it. So, he musters all of his courage, and does what he must.

"Yes, thank you.. I-I'm sorry to interrupt- truly, but... there is a question that I have, and I've, I've had for a short while... It pertains to, to.." He tries to take this slowly, but can't take it anymore, and blurts out, "Can I see Maitimo again? I mean, just one time. I really miss him, and we didn't part in the best of ways."

Fingolfin hears this and almost mocks him, holding back bitter tears himself.

 

[Áramandë Amaniel]

I give a glance towards Maitimo - again, and whisper once more in his ear:

"I don't think she's taking this seriously, and I'm holding back in my words. Maybe we should all get a bit of rest. It's been a long day."

 

[Maedhros_Nelyafinwë]

The words of Nerdanel cut at Maitimo like daggers. So many things are wrong with what she said-- she called his friendship with Fingon "ridiculous," she implied that attempts at murder are normal and natural for brothers to do, and she called Fingon himself a joke. A joke? The one who suffered a blade to his hand to save Maitimo's life, the one who followed him in times of danger with hopes of protecting him, and the one who comforted him in his deepest distress, is a joke? No, Maitimo firmly believes that though his friend made a mistake tonight, it is vastly overshadowed by all the good in his heart. In fact, Maitimo opens his mouth to retort, half tempted to tell Nerdanel that her words are a joke. And not a funny joke, but a cruel and twisted one.

But Ancalirë's whispering to him grounds him back to reality for a second, and he nods in agreement with her. Arguing with Nerdanel will do more harm than good, and he is reminded of his great weariness, which this conversation has not helped with at all.

"Ancalirë and I wish to retire for the night," he says coldly to her, though his eyes flash with deep anger. "We've had quite enough action for one day."

~~~

Fëanor has never been one to be moved by the affection or the heartfelt pleas of his half-brother. It wasn't that he hated them and Arafinwë, but he had never liked them, and never considered them true brothers. And that was because he did not consider Indis to be his true mother, and barely even tolerated her for the sake of Finwë. Miriel might have returned to her hroa if Finwë had only waited a while, and now, she had no chance, since her husband had remarried.

And this time is no exception; his heart is cold and unmoved even by the sweet and heartfelt words of Fingolfin.

"I do thank you for the way you helped take care of Nelyo, but my decision is final. Perhaps if I judge it appropriate, we may meet again sometime in the future, after everyone had had time to think and to settle down. And I need to be certain that my children are all right. I had thought Nelyo was fine after all his ordeals, but it seems I was wrong..."

He shakes his head, inwardly scolding himself for possibly having said too much about his personal situation with his family. "Please do not attempt to argue with me any further."

And at Fingon, he gives a slight frown. "Was the mercy I have shown you today not generous enough? If I let you see him again one more time, where will it ever end? You had your chance to say goodbye. As I have said, you have forgiveness, but need to learn that there are still consequences."

Besides, he doesn't like the influence that Fingon has seemed to exert over Nelyo, and he fears his eldest isn't doing as well as he had thought, especially given the way he had collapsed a few minutes before.

 

[Elbereth Vala Varda]

Nerdanel puts a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Oh, forgive me... You must be tired." She sighs. "It has been a very long day... And you only have one person to blame for that..." Again, she plants these not-so-subtle comments. "After all, if everything had gone well at the banquet, we wouldn't have this problem. You could be sleeping in peace." She shakes her head. "It's a shame, really... But we warned you." A brief pause ensues, as she has planned it. "Who's your friend now, Nelyo? The ones who stood by you and tried to help you before it was too late? Or was it Fingon, who did nothing but make things difficult for you today?"

She figures that she must be close to breaking down this idea of friendship that Maitimo has. If she can only keep chinking away at it, constantly never letting him have a moment of thinking that Fingon is good. If she can just remind him of all the bad that his supposed friend has caused, maybe she can get this companionship to break. After all, it's for her son's good.

~~~

Fingolfin's face pales with concern as Feanor seems to open up in a way that he did not expect. "What is it, brother? Is everything alright with Nelyo?" Above all, Fingolfin cares for Feanor, and because of his care for Feanor, everything that matters to Feanor, matters to him. It's not like an extension of the family, it is the closest thing to his heart. He's always loved Feanor, and that love was never returned, so now he spends his days attempting to earn it.

"I am saddened, to leave you." He says, on the verge of bursting into tears, but somehow managing to hold it back. "I will miss you. But if it must be this way, then it must... Namarie, brother. Go to goodness and peace. Bless you, for all that you are. Love shall I always hold for you. Always."

Fingon startles back, feeling that he shouldn't have said anything at all. 'No, that's not an option anymore. You have to follow through with it.' He tells himself, and goes on, despite the desire to quit. "But-but please? It was so tense- and no, I never got to say goodbye to him-please- just one last time?"

But Fingolfin turns unexpectedly to his son, and shouts back. "You little ingrate! I can't believe you have the audacity to question Feanor after everything that he has done for you this evening, and all of the wretched things you have done to him! Even if Feanor would allow you to see Nelyo, I will not!"

"But-father- if he says yes, then-"

Again, Fingolfin roars. "NO! The answer is no. You've done enough damage for one night, hm? You know, for this little outburst from you, not only will I keep you from Nelyo, but I'm not letting you see your brothers and sister either!"

"What? No-father- I didn't mean-"

"It doesn't matter what you meant. You need to learn that everything is a gift. Your siblings, they are a gift.." He says this with a certain sorrow and bitterness, given the new meaning it takes with his brother leaving. "And you don't deserve ANY gifts right now!"

Of course, Fingolfin wouldn't normally be this cruel. But there's a certain grief on him now, and it's impossible to avoid. One thought, directed at his son, burns in his heart, and maybe it shouldn't, but it doesn't stop.

If I can't keep my brother, you can't have yours.

 

[Maedhros_Nelyafinwë]

At these comments, Maitimo flinches away from Nerdanel's touch.

"My friend," he says, glaring at her, "Is the one who thrust his hand in the way to intercept the blade of Amras when he tried to kill me for the second time. The one who took us into his home when we had no home because we were running for our lives. From them, our own brothers. How many times must I say that his mistake tonight does not undo the many, many good deeds he has done? I am tired of arguing about this. If you can't bring yourself to say anything besides hateful and unfair words about Findekano, I do not wish to hear about it anymore. Good night, Mother."

He and his sister swiftly depart from the balcony.

~~~

Fëanor gives a small shake of his head in response to Fingolfin's question about Nelyo, but otherwise does not reply. He feels the less Nolofinwë knows about the specific details of his family's problems, the better.

And to Fingolfin's warm words of greeting, Fëanor simply nods and replies, with coolness but not hatred, "I wish your House well. Namarië."

He does hope that the conflict between young Fingon and his own family will get settled, but it's entirely out of Fëanor's control now. He's done his part, and feels the rest of it is no longer any of his business.

And he can't help but feel some strange twinge of sorrow, or perhaps even guilt, as he leaves while listening to them argue, but he dismisses the feelings. He is not the one who caused that conflict, and he even extended himself mercifully to try to stop it. This just proves to him that he has made the right choice in sundering his House from theirs. They seem unable to put their conflict aside even for a good cause. And with Nelyo's sensitivity, which seems only to have worsened after the attacks from his brothers, he does not need to be closely aligned with a House so steeped in conflict.

Speaking of Nelyo, Fëanor wonders if he has been coddled too much. No one could deny that the things he suffered were brutal and tragic, but as far as Fëanor is concerned, Nelyo needs to get over it by now, since some time has passed. After all, he may be High King of the Noldor one day and will surely have to learn to have thicker skin. So Fëanor wonders if, as much as he disagrees with Nolofinwë's specific disciplinary tactics, if he should perhaps learn a thing or two from him and show Nelyo some tough love. Surely, no one wants to be tough or harsh on a kind and sweet young Elda who has experienced so much pain and suffering. But the sort of sensitivity and weakness Nelyo has shown today can't continue, so Fëanor realizes this unpleasant task may be up to him.

He leaves the garden and walks down the halls, looking for Nerdanel and the eldest two. If he does not find them, he will check on Finwë and Amrod.

~~~

Turgon and Aredhel exchange horrified glances as their father pronounces his judgment.

"You... you can't be serious, can you, Father?" Turgon stammers, but seeing the intense look in his eyes, and after having personally saw what he did to Fingon earlier, Turgon knows all too well that Fingolfin has to be serious.

Aredhel, who has kept herself relatively contained and composed this whole evening, finally bursts into tears, falling to her knees, and grasps at Fingolfin's robe. "Please..." she muttered. "Don't, Father... we need him and he needs us... we can help him..."

 

[Elbereth Vala Varda]

Nerdanel sighs, wondering if she had come on a bit too strong or harsh, or if her words were just too much too soon. She wants to get him away from Fingon, of course, but certainly not to alienate him in the process. All the same, she figures it is probably better to leave it alone for now. Perhaps once Maitimo gets some rest, he will be in better spirits. And she can give any apology necessary before moving onto day two of her endeavor. She truly believes that she can change him, that she can get him to stop doing what he is doing, and that she can shatter his trust and love for Fingon, which is now her number one goal.

She turns and walks down the hallway, not running after them, but only responding "Good night, loves." And continuing to walk. It is evening, and the cool brisk air is flowing through the halls of Finwe, rustling curtains and filling the House with a breath of freshness which is only too appreciated. So, she decides to just walk for a while, down the halls and up them. Perhaps Feanor will be done soon, and she can ask him how everything went, and for advice on persuading Nelyo away from this childish path of friendship for someone who doesn't deserve it.

~~~

Fingolfin looks away, not facing any of them directly on. This feels so wrong. To separate his children, to single Findekano out, and yet he feels that Fingon betrayed him, in a way. Feanor leaving is all Fingon's fault, and he must take the responsibility for that, and all the consequences that follow.

"I've made my decision." He says, gazing down with sympathy at Aredhel. "You can't help your brother. No one can. It's better to just leave him alone." Fingolfin raises his voice, speaking in a way to both Aredhel and Fingon. "He made this mess, let him be the one to fix it!" He turns a cold look. "Let him be the one to struggle. I don't want anyone else struggling because of him."

Fingon doesn't dare interrupt, once more shaking uncontrollably and feeling that deep emotion of fear in his heart, paralyzing him from taking another step or saying another word, lest father take his anger out on him even more brutally.

Fingolfin turns aside. "Now if you would, I'd like to be left alone." He has so much grief, and he's literally on the very verge of bursting into tears and weeping. After all, there is a reason that he does not look any of his children in the eyes. He is, indeed, very much grieved, and through the blurry curtain of sorrow that lays over him, he does not know how to face his own children. So he seats himself on a bench at the opposite side of the garden, giving a loving nod to his daughter and hoping that she doesn't feel the need to follow him.