RP 🎲 O Fëanoriel Runyaril ar i Vérë o i Silmarilli (Of Fëanoriel and the Oath of the 💎Silmarils)

[Áramandë Amaniel]

My eyes widen a little, not having expected him to open up like this.

"I....there are many things....too much despair I have felt....sunderance and sorrow; attempting to find joy only to fall into sadness, attempting to find protection yet only to fall into peril, attempting to maintain bonds elsewhere yet only to fall into sunderance, to desire someone to release me from such sorrows, only to be met with....everything that is not so. And e'en the Valar come not in enough aid, it seems. All this sorrow, this burden...."

I gaze up at him for a brief moment.

"It....it is too much to bear, and at times such as these I truly would desire to fade away than to endure any further. Your music, even ones of sadness, would have once brought me joy. Yet now, it only heightens my desire to leave, and to never return...."​

 

[Maedhros_Nelyafinwë]

Fëanor pauses, reading that his wife seems hurt by his words. But at the same time, he doesn't want to take them back, since they are true, and it is for the better if she comes to understand that.

"I don't wish to be harsh or to argue with you, my love," he says gently, "but I do wish that you would see the truth. There is no use in denying that our sons are guilty, but don't lose hope for them. I did not exile them because I am holding on to hope that they will one day repent and be restored to us."

At Amrod's words, he frowns slightly. In his mind, there is no reason why this should continue to be an issue. In Fëanor's mind, the past is in the past and there has been both repentance and forgiveness, and Fëanor doesn't sense that there is any violence against Maitimo left in Amrod's heart. However, there clearly was some violence left for himself, and that is concerning.

"If you believe you are still guilty, than what can possibly change that?" he points out. "If receiving forgiveness from Nelyo, and taking revenge upon yourself, wasn't enough for you, then what will be? Remember what we spoke about last night. I would extend that further to say that accepting Nelyo's forgiveness means you must forgive yourself. Otherwise, you are implying that your moral standard is higher than his, and indeed higher than all of ours, and I say it is not."

~~~

Maitimo's eyes grow somewhat despairing as he hears this. Of course Finwë has to be so morally perfect that he refuses to even omit a truth for the sake of Findekano's safety. After all, the things Maitimo has been through have changed him somewhat. He doesn't hold perfect honesty as the ultimate moral ideal when someone's physical safety and well-being is on the line. Of course he still believes honesty is a virtue, and lying is generally wrong, but to be slightly dishonest for the sake of protecting someone from danger is a worthwhile trade-off, he thinks.

And further, he's frustrated with the idea that telling Fingolfin that Fingon was with Maitimo is so important that it's worth exposing Fingon to more hurt. Why does Finwë think that's such a big deal? Isn't Fingon's actual safety a bigger deal?

But he knows he will get nowhere if he argues about these things, and instead tries to continue to appeal to Finwë's compassion. "Please, his life may not be in danger, but if Nolofinwë finds out Findekano was with me, he will hurt him again, this much I am sure of! And if I can do anything at all within my power to stop someone else's pain, especially that of my dearest friend, I will not give up in my pursuit of it. If I can just stop someone from getting hit and bruised, even if only once..." His voice trails off, not finding the words to articulate the full extent of the peace it would give him to know he had done some tangible good in Findekano's life, and on the opposite side, of the agony it would bring him if he knew Findekano would receive even more punishment on Maitimo's account. There has been far too much of that, ever since Fingon decided to help Maitimo in his struggle against his brothers and parents. Again, a gnawing guilt eats away at him. Fingon's life would have been so much easier if Maitimo had never been in it.

"You don't have to be dishonest, Grandfather. I am not asking you to violate your conscience. After all, you have indeed seen Findekano's pain, so surely you can't deny that he would benefit from some time with you? And in the meantime, Nolofinwë may calm down, and come back to himself, and there could be a greater chance for healing and reconciliation. Whereas if he finds out that Findekano was with me, the conflict will only worsen. Even though, I don't think he ought to be angry at all that Findekano was with me, since we discovered each other by accident. But I fear he might be angry anyway."

He pauses and takes a deep breath.

"I don't have any power over this situation," he adds, gazing intently into Finwë's eyes. "But you do, Grandfather."

 

[Elbereth Vala Varda]

Nerdanel nods reluctantly, seeing that her husband will not let her keep the perspective she had taken at first. Apparently, he was bent on making her understand, forcing her to accept what she didn't want to. And his words bother her, too. Hope? That's all that's left for her own sons? Pathetic. Ever since she was a small child, she would 'hope' for many things. For Mahtan to show her more love, to be like the golden daughters of Valinor, to have the otherworldly beauty that other fair maidens enjoyed. And all of it? Never happened. Hope wasn't good enough for her. As far as she was concerned, hope was just another word for accepting and embracing the worst. Hope meant that there was no way out. Hope was a nice word to cover up desolation and impossibility, and she grieves that her husband would use that word speaking of his own sons.

But, Nerdanel wants to keep the peace, even if there's hardly any peace to keep. "I suppose you're right, love..." She sighs. "I just wish that we could have the brothers back in the family. It feels so wrong without them, and it makes me worry..." Up until now, the thought of opening up her deepest self, hasn't occurred. After all, as a mother, this all makes her heartbroken. There's nothing more saddening to her. It makes her want to tear something, break something, hurt someone, blame someone... It's too dark to accept her sons are this bad. So, she keeps believing her wild theories, but refrains from sharing them with Feanor.

Amrod frowns, his heart feeling heavy and weak. Maybe I'm not forgivable, then. He thinks to himself, maybe I never will be. Maybe I'll always be guilty. But he listens in really closely as Feanor goes on.

...Accepting Nelyo's forgiveness means you must forgive yourself...

This causes his heart to sink. There's no way he can ever forgive himself. Even now, right now, he wishes he could inflict punishment upon himself. He wishes his parents would be just with him, that they'd make him pay, or have him do something, or a multitude of things, to earn back forgiveness and love. He can't take it otherwise, and right now, that seems to mean he can't take it.

If that's true, I'll never accept Nelyo's forgiveness. He ponders. And then suddenly an idea hits him. An idea that he can't resist.

"Father," He begins. "I understand. Can I go be alone for a while? Or with Maglor and Feanoriel?"

~~~

Finwe sighs. It's getting genuinely painful to resist all these very impassioned and persuasive words from his grandson. And then, there is Findekano. He looks so frightened, and so wounded, not just physically, but as Finwe gazes on him, starting to see his heart, he sees very painful emotional burdens, and Fingon looks as though he's just about to crack under them. But on the other hand, what about Fingolfin? Keeping secrets has never been Finwe's idea of a good and honest person. And Fingolfin is just so good. He's so merciful, always had been. So kind, so loving, so immeasurably giving. It almost makes Finwe feel like Fingon is outright lying or at the very least, hiding very large portions of the story. But then again, he's clearly been beaten. That can't be denied. And if Fingolfin truly did that, Finwe doesn't even know where to start with fixing things here.

"I want to help you, Maitimo..." He whispers. "And your friend. I truly do. But I know Nolofinwe. He is a merciful and gracious king of his own House. He is lordly and kind and loving beyond measure. He is always merciful."

Fingon sighs. That seems to be everyone's opinion of Nolofinwe. Because they all see him in his full attire, the kind and generous smiles that he puts on. But in the dark, he demands perfection, and since Fingon can't give that to him, he throws him out at best and beats and whips him at worst.

Finwe lays a gentle hand on Maitimo's shoulder, gently taking him aside from Findekano. "Listen son, I love you. I love your enthusiasm, your dedication and resourcefulness... You are a true leader. But to take Fingon... I just don't know how his father would feel about that. And if I am to take Findekano, I would want to start that with honesty, mm? Not with deceit. Fingon is very young. I don't want his father to do this to him, but I can hardly be sure that some parts of the picture aren't being left out. Not even necessarily on purpose... But rather, just because they are forgotten or seemingly unimportant." As Maitimo argues that it's a minor detail that he would hide, he responds thoughtfully. "Son, it's hardly an unimportant detail that he was here with you, if it would cause his father to punish him. Clearly, Nolofinwe doesn't want him here with us. Now, you truly have me torn here, however... You have placed me in a position where I cannot choose goodness. For if I take Findekano and hide that he was with you, I am violating Nolofinwe's desires of discipline. And if I do not, I am subjecting my grandson to hatred and potentially pain."

He heaves a long and deep sigh. "What if Findekano, you tell your father that you were here, while I am beside you?" He says this because he at least assumes that if he is present, Nolofinwe will not whip or beat his child. At least, if he did, that would be rather unsettling, but would confirm the rumors and words he had been told, which would clarify many things."

Fingon shakes his head eagerly, indicating disapproval. "No...Father would hurt me...! I-"

"Any way that I do this, I will have to ask Indis first." He adds. "I can't be bringing anyone to live in this place unless she agrees."

~~~

Maglor casts an arm around her, gently holding her as he listens. "Mmm.... But surely you must know, the greatest music and themes spring from the greatest sorrow. Indeed, the worse the grief, the more beautiful the lament. And sadness brings healing, and mourning brings tears which wash away the darkest night." He smiles sadly at her. "Close your eyes sister, and enter in... Cast all those things aside..."

And he begins a song, one that he is writing as he sings it, specifically for his sister.

Do not fade, do not fade,
Let your fears pass away,
We will rise to hope and healing,
At the dawn of the day.

Night is cold,
Grief is dark,
Mourning calls,
Crying lark,

Shed your tears,
Cry your fears,

Let your troubles swiftly fade,
In the Void they be laid,

Do not fade,
There is too much good to see,
Hope is high, life is new,
Do not fade, much to do... much to do...

Close your eyes,
Fears therein,
Blow like dust,
In the wind.

Vibrant smoke,
Fall away,
Clear the sky,
Break the day.

Darkling thoughts,
Terrors, tears,
In the water,
Shine like mirrors,

Let them die,
let them die,
Dry your tears,
do not cry.

Grief is good,
Mourning spent,
Tears are healing,
But must relent.

Have some peace,
Run away,
Rest at last,
Golden ray.

Flame of ire,
Quell now in,
Fuel thine fire,
Of life within.

Joy is hard,
Risk in gladness,
Much safer is,
Undying sadness.

But life was never,
Made for this,
Share both grief,
And joy in bliss.

 

[Áramandë Amaniel]

I hear him, and I hear him well. Once he is done, I speak softly, grasping upon his robes:

"Do not...do not let Fëanor hear of this...I fear he will not understand. Yes, he is a great father, logical, lovable, loving and just....yet I fear he will not understand these sorrows that I bear..."

And as these thoughts drown me once more, I sing back with a song of my own:

In sorrowed burden
One doth stand fallen upon
Trodden paths of grief.
Tell me, sweet balm in timeless death,
What shall relieve me
From my worldly burden rekindled?

Yet what now may be one of mine,
For in torment eternal I do indeed stay,
Yet falling and falling I hold back still,
Though ever so it be that I never remain.

For in remaining I fade evermore,
Yet in attempt to rise I only fall,
Under joy to be beyond jubilation.
What now shall cleanse me
From sorrow everlasting?

I, in sorrowful respite,
In arduous joy.
Why should I remain so frail,
Failing to stand as one felled?

What else to grant to me, from thee?​

 

[Maedhros_Nelyafinwë]

"It is so wrong, and I don't believe I've gotten used to their absence, or ever will," Fëanor says with a sigh, taking Nerdanel into his arms. "Yet this is how it must be for now. If we were to let them out now, they would almost certainly hurt Nelyo again. But perhaps our family will be whole again, one day."

He does hope that day will come sooner than later, if it ever does at all. But he doesn't know how he can accurately judge their hearts. What if they were to trick him into thinking they had repented, but then return to their violence with a vengeance? For Nelyo's sake, it's not a risk Fëanor is willing to take.

And he is immediately suspicious at Amrod's words. His sudden change of the subject seems a little odd, especially since he had hurt himself not too long ago. Fëanor is certainly not willing to let him go off alone. "Why do you ask? What is it you want to do?"

~~~

So many thoughts swirl confusingly in Maitimo's head. Perhaps Finwë being present during the discussion would be enough to prevent Fingolfin from beating Fingon again, but what if it doesn't? What if the conflict spirals out of control again? Maitimo just isn't sure how much more of this volatility and hatred he can take, even though it's not directed at him personally anymore. His loved ones' pain is his own pain; he feels their sorrow and anger as though it's his own.

He can't bring himself to feel much more frustration with Finwë, though, desperate as the situation is. Based on his kind and sympathetic words and the conflicted look on his face, Maitimo can tell he is truly wrestling with the dilemma, and it heartens him somewhat that Finwë is at least taking Maitimo's words seriously. Very, very few have done even that much for him recently.

But his face falls and his heart sinks at a few particular words of Finwë.

"Grandfather, don't say that, please-- I have not put you in a situation where you cannot choose good," he says tearfully. "At least I've tried not to, and if I have, I'm truly sorry-- but it's the situation itself that has been here all along. I did not create it or put you in it. I'm just trying to protect Findekano, that's all. Yes, Nolofinwë has been good and merciful and all those things, and he certainly was when I was in danger, but he... he's not acting like himself right now. I saw him earlier, and perhaps it's the stress of everything that's finally getting to him, but he's not acting like the same Nolofinwë who took me into his House and provided protection from my murderous brothers."

He sighs, listening to what Finwë says about consulting Indis. Maitimo can't argue with that. Honestly, he realizes he doesn't have much of a right to beg Finwë to do this at all. So he concedes a little, but still struggles to fight for Fingon: "You know much better than I do about what it means to be a father. And if you don't think my idea is wise, fine; it is not my place to make such demands, but please, we have to find some way to stop this abuse. I guess all I'm really asking for is that you'll help us do that somehow, in whatever way you deem wisest."

 

[Elbereth Vala Varda]

Nerdanel nods, unwilling to argue with her husband about this anymore. Both of them have made their points known, after all, and with all the conflict that has recently ensued, some peace would be both good and refreshing to all. Honestly, she can't wait to get home. To get away from the Nolofinwians who have seemed to be nothing but trouble, and unfortunately will most likely need to be a part of their life in the future. How she dreads all those interactions. 'At least Maitimo won't be seeing any of Fingon anymore, though.' she thinks to herself.

"I know I never will." She says, agreeing to Feanor's never feeling the same or getting used to having their other four sons present. "I hope we can bring them back soon, love. Very soon. You already said that many of them repented, right? Perhaps we shouldn't be so harsh. I know they are bad-behaving children, but they are still children." Truth be told, she wants her sons back out again. Of course, she assumes Feanor wants the same. She understands not wanting them to run unhinged, but she does think some progress should be made in bringing them back.

Amrod shrugs, trying not to seem suspicious or in any way off. "Just, to do, stuff." He doesn't go into much clarity, but really, why should he have to? "I've come of age, father... Enough... Why won't you let me be alone for a while?"

~~~

Finwe sighs. All of these words from Maitimo are getting increasingly more difficult to refuse. The poor young Elda is genuinely desperate and he can sense it in the way that Maitimo cries out. He's sad that his grandsons are even in this situation, to be honest. And while he isn't at all fully convinced that Nolofinwe has taken it this far, if he has, that's horrifying. He would inflict mild punishments on his sons when they were young, teaching them the standards they ought to live up to. But it was never like that. He wonders if there isn't more to the story. If Fingon didn't get physical first, and his father repaid him with justice, which would very much like Fingolfin to do. Or if Fingon had perhaps gotten in the way or got hurt from his own foolishness, and quite possibly had no real basis to blame his father. But all of these conclusions were just ideas. He didn't have any way to prove them, so he had to believe what he was told, and that was that Nolofinwe beat and whipped his own son as punishment for his mistakes that evening.

He casts an arm around Maitimo, moving out of earshot from Findekano, and whispering, "Maitimo... I love you, and you know that. And I don't mean to be blunt... But there may be more going on here than we think. Shouldn't you let Nolofinwe deal with his son as he desires? I know him. He's not a bad father. He's a good one, a very good one." He sighs. He wants to articulate to Maitimo that none of this is his fault. The impassioned cries of Maitimo, particularly the recent ones, indicate that Maitimo is feeling that way, and he wants to put an end to it immediately.

He moves back into the original position, so that Fingon can hear also, hoping that he will reinforce Finwe's point. "This is not your fault, son... I'm sorry if I made it sound that way. I don't mean to be harsh, or to intrude. I simply wanted to express to you just how deeply this question troubles me. I don't make any decision lightly, but this is just a heavy question..." He closes his eyes, breathing out an exhale. "So, things have gotten a bit lost... Tell me again, son... What would you have me do?" He hopes to get an answer from Maitimo that is clear and precise, and then discuss it with Indis.

But Fingon interrupts before Maitimo can respond. "You know what, it's fine..." He mutters. "I guess I don't need help anyway." He isn't convinced of his words, and it's taking all of his willpower not to cry about it. But father had always told him to be strong for others when he was really weak. To put on a brave face and move on. To fake a smile, and act like he was fine. So, it's what he's going to try to do. "I really appreciate what you both have done for me, but I, I don't think I will need it... Father wasn't that painful, either... so..." He glances up at Maitimo, faking a smile. "Thank you for all your help." And with that, he reaches out his hand with the letter he had written, spent with so many tears, and closes his eyes to try and stop them from brimming with tears. "Here... for you..."

~~~

Maglor throws his arms around Feanoriel, realizing the depth of her grief. "Oh, Feanoriel..." He mutters. "When will you see that we all love you, and want joy for you?"

 

[Áramandë Amaniel]

"All?"

I move away from him, choking back tears, shaking my head.

"'Twas not all....only Maitimo, Fëanáro, and you....Nerdanel, only to some extent, which I shall not elaborate further."

I heave a deep, trembling breath, continuing:

"The rest of the brothers....they have plotted atrocious deeds against us, and I shall never forget that they can never be the same again, nor ever shall be...they are gone. We know them not any more. The joys that they once brought us, is thus gone also. If we are to find joy..."

I look up at him, managing a weak smile, my cheeks stained with the dried remnants of tears.

"...we must find it within each other, within those whom have truly stood beside us, and not betrayed us."

I throw my arms around him, embracing him firmly as I mutter:

"Melentyë, Makalaurë, ninya háno."
("I love thee, Maglor, my brother.")​

 

[Maedhros_Nelyafinwë]

Fëanor sighs, thinking all this over. He definitely doesn't think he's been too harsh with his sons. Based on the terrible violence they committed, they are deserving of any and all punishment except death itself. Exile would have been fair, beating them would have been fair, and swearing to never let them out of the dungeons again is fair. They wounded their brother three times, painfully and unnecessarily so, and with the intent to kill, so Fëanor thinks his punishment of them is far less than what they really deserve. And he's not sure he agrees with Nerdanel that they are truly repentant. At least they seem to respect him again and fear his power and wrath, as they ought to. But that doesn't mean it's safe to let them anywhere near Nelyo anytime soon.

"I would that our family be whole again soon too, love, but we can't take the risk," he says sternly, yet gently. "What if we were to let them out again and then they reverted to their old plots and hurt Nelyo again? And worse, what if they managed to be successful in their original plan? I will not let them out again until I am absolutely certain that they are no longer a threat. And even so, I do not know what will convince me that their hearts have turned. Their words are meaningless to me, because they have already spoken so much deceit."

And Amrod's vague words only increase his suspicions, and he says bluntly, "The last time you went off by yourself, you cut yourself with a blade. I am not inclined to let you go off by yourself again. If you wish to go somewhere other than here, fine, but only if your mother or I accompany you."

~~~

Truthfully, Maitimo doesn't think there is anything nuanced or unclear about this situation. Fingolfin has hurt Fingon, his own son, and that is the only fact that really matters. Not that Nolofinwë has become evil or irredeemable in his mind, but surely, is that not grounds enough to take some stronger precautions, to make sure Fingon is protected?

"Frankly, no," he says in response to Finwë. "I know how it is to be hurt at the hands of my own family, and if Nolofinwë really is doing that to his son, and my best friend, I cannot stand idly by and do nothing about it. I can't bear the idea of... of leaving this place, knowing Findekano could be hurt again... on top of everything else..." He gazes intently into the eyes of Finwë and pleads, "If you help him-- help us, for his pain is my own-- it may be the first tiny sliver of peace I will have experienced in a long time."

He is about to think about Finwë's next question when Fingon makes some strange comments, and then hands Maitimo a folded parchment, one that looks wrinkled with tearstains. "No, you do need this, and I'm doing my best to get it for you," he says quietly, putting a hand on his shoulder. A mixture of emotions crosses his face as he gazes over the letter, though he doesn't read it yet. But the fact that Findekano was thinking of him even in these desperate times moves his heart. "Thank you, brother... when should I read it? Now, or later?"

He takes a few minutes in silence, thinking over Finwë's question until what seems like a fair idea comes to him. It feels like a bit of a compromise, but it is likely the only thing Finwë will feel comfortable doing, and anything is better than nothing when it comes to trying to save Fingon.

"I suppose if I were to make such a request, it would be that you speak with Nolofinwë, alone if possible, and find out why and how this happened. With your great wisdom and compassion, perhaps you could discover whatever hurts in his heart led him to do this, and then eventually, perhaps, bring Findekano into the conversation and figure out what to do from there. Perhaps you'll all agree that it would be wise for him to stay with you for a little bit, as was my original idea. Or perhaps there will be healing and reconciliation, and the family will depart whole again. I don't know. But I do know that you stepping in to the situation is the House of Nolofinwë's best chance at finding peace again."

He can't imagine Finwë would refuse such a request. It's just talking, after all, nothing as drastic as what Maitimo had originally proposed. He still doesn't like the idea of Findekano facing his father again, but with Finwë there, it may be safer.

 

[Elbereth Vala Varda]

Nerdanel sighs at the true intentions of her husband's heart being laid painfully bare before her. He wants to keep them locked up. To never let them out. A tear rolls down her cheek. "But they are my sons, Feanor-" She presses. "I would agree with you if they were nothing more than criminals. If they were criminals, then fine. Do what you wish. Chain them, exile them, hang them, even. But these are my sons!" She grasps Feanor's hands. "Don't steal them from me like this!" She sighs, her voice becoming increasingly more desperate and sorer. "Maitimo is a good child. And I love him, and so do you. But is he so much more valuable than they?" She sighs. "What about the twins? They had a whole future before them. The youngest of the lot. And Amrod repented... Why can't his brother do the same and have mercy? Why can't everything just, be how it was?" She staggers back a bit. "Listen, I know your heart.. That you mean well. But do you understand that you are holding a grudge against your own sons? You say, we cannot have them back amongst us, because they might be hostile, and their brother might fall victim to such hostility and we would then have less sons. But do you not see that you have already deprived us of four of our good sons?"

She isn't sure how many other ways to approach this there are, but she is determined to try them all. Every last one of them. Nothing will be too much for her. Besides, she isn't sure how, but she needs to get her sons out of there. They will rot away and never see the light of day again if Feanor has his will. And in her heart, they are good children, all of them, and if they repent, they should be pardoned.

Her voice rises. "Amrod repented and you allow him to have all of the privileges of his brothers again...." Her voice lowers. "But for your four sons, those you do not even grant the sliver of a chance to redeem themselves! How are they supposed to repent, tell me, Feanaro? When they are locked up and not permitted to speak or move?"

Her voice has some severity to it. And it should. This is a very severe matter.

Amrod's shoulders drop. "Fine. I'll stay." So, it looks like now, not only will he distrusted because of his bad acts against Nelyo, he will also be distrusted with himself. Are they seriously never going to leave him alone? How can he make himself pay, if everyone is always there? He sighs. "But will you ever let me to be alone again?"

~~~

Finwe pauses, moved by Maitimo's words. The desperation in his voice is really starting to wear at Finwe, leading him to feel a strong sense of responsibility and purpose, and making him desire to do what is best for everyone. Of course, he already wanted that. He has all along. But seeing this from Maitimo just weighs his heavily on his heart even the more, and he starts to wonder what he could do. How he could keep everyone content and see that everyone had peace.

Fingon nods slowly as Maitimo takes the letter. "Whenever." He whispers. "Your choice. It's namarie." His eyes shine with tears as he says this, trying to hold everything together. In fact, he looks away, wiping the tears from his eyes swiftly, in order to put on a brave face for Maitimo. And the fact that he's able to do this for his brother, and seemingly not get caught, arises a new thought in his mind. Maybe he can earn Nolofinwe's love. If he could just make himself perfect, maybe father would be satisfied. So, he feels that rise within him. And makes an almost silent promise to himself and to his father.

I will be perfect for you, father. From this day on.

Of course, such is unachievable. And if he had been thinking straight, he would know that. But instead, he isn't. He's thinking of one thing alone. Well, two. Firstly, he has to be enough for father. And second, he has to be enough for Maitimo. And right now, it seems like he isn't that for either of them, so he has much work to do.

Finwe sighs, hearing Maitimo's final request. It's not so unreasonable, or at least it doesn't seem it. After all, it's just speaking. And he's more than glad to speak with Nolofinwe and his son. But, his face becomes slightly more grave, and he faces Maitimo.

"Very well." He begins. "You will have what you desire, if I may have two favors of my own." He pauses. "Firstly, that you will accompany Fingon." He can see how close Maitimo and his cousin are, and he doesn't want to have them apart. "And secondly, that before any words are said, whether it be by myself, or by you... Nolofinwe will be informed where his son is and was. Would you consider that to be fair?" His voice is gentle, not stern, and he is trying to reason with Maitimo.

Fingon's face drops. He's been trying to hold it in, holding it together, but it isn't easy. "Do you want me to get hurt again?" He mutters under his breath, a genuine question. "Listen, I'm trying... I'm trying to be strong for all of you." He adds, "For Maitimo, for my siblings, my parents..." He closes his eyes. "But-can't you see it's-" He stops. He would add more, but he doesn't want to open up his heart to complete vulnerability.

~~~

Maglor listens to Feanoriel's words. Moved by them, but feeling a sickening dread tightening around him like a noose. She speaks of betrayal. And yet, does she know that he has, technically, in truth, betrayed? His eyelids feel heavy and he closes them, trying to escape the fear.

No one will ever know. He repeats in his head. They'll never find out that you did it.

But he isn't sure. Father found out, what would stop Feanoriel from doing the same? Or Nelyafinwe? They'd both be furious if they knew that he framed their cousin, and had him innocently dragged in chains.

But you didn't know what they were going to do to him. A thought argues.

Another responds. But I still would have framed him. I did not care.

And another, You are a good son and brother. You only made one mistake.

But I made one mistake.

They shoot off like wildfire, spreading like a poison in his mind, but he shakes his head, attempting to silence them.

"Melentye, Feanoriel..." He mutters. "I love you, sister... You are so precious to me. Pray, see the light and don't leave it. And light is life. It doesn't fade. It doesn't flicker. No darkness overcomes it, and no terrors blind its glory. It lasts." He lays a hand around hers, pulling her closer. "Just as so you may." He doesn't want to lose her, but now he's worried. He's never had that worry before. He was sure that she wouldn't know. But now, now she's coming dangerously close to the edge of finding out. "Stay with me, sister... Remember, light binds us. If we should fall, we should fall together. When we shall rise, we shall rise as one..."

 

[Áramandë Amaniel]

I nod a little, and respond, though my tone sounds slightly uncertain, wavering:

"To fall, and to rise as one....indeed....indeed....a hard thought, and yet for some reason, bearable....but perhaps only because of you, being here beside me, that it seems to be bearable...."

 

[Maedhros_Nelyafinwë]

Listening to Nerdanel's impassioned words, Fëanor feels a great conflict of emotions stirring within his heart. On one hand, her vehement disagreement with his judgement moves him to anger, somewhat, especially since it doesn't seem like she's taking Nelyo's safety very seriously. "You speak of releasing our sons as though the chances of them hurting Nelyo again are distant and remote," he argues. "But I do not believe that is the case. They tried so hard to kill him; the violence is deeply rooted in their hearts. And Amrod cannot be fairly compared to them. I suspect it was Amras who persuaded him to join the plot, and once he figured out what was really going on, he swiftly repented, of his own free will, without any fear of punishment from me. In fact, he risked turning their ire against him, so he did a courageous thing in standing against them, and even against me, since I had fallen under their deception. The other brothers, in contrast, only told the truth when I threatened them with exile, so even now I am not sure if they have repented or not."

He glances at Amrod, hoping that he has heard these words and is taking them to heart.

But his certainty in his position wavers a little when Nerdanel points out that Fëanor has never given those sons a fair chance at repentance. It is something he has wrestled with in his mind, and even admitted out loud. What can possibly convince him that the four treacherous sons are sincerely repentant? Celegorm admitted he was sorry, somewhat, but Fëanor can't tell if that means he was sorry for his deed or sorry he got caught.

"This is what we need to do," he says with a sigh, his voice softening in tone. "We need to discover their motive, first of all. I have questioned them about it several times, and they have not given me a clear answer. That alone tells me that their hearts are still rebellious and unrepentant. If they tell me willingly, without coercion or threat of punishment, perhaps I will take some steps in bringing them closer to release. But otherwise... how can I know that they will not hurt Nelyo again? How would you make such a judgment, Nerdanel? They are strongly motivated to get out of the dungeons, but they could easily lie to me about their repentance, and then return to their evil ways and hurt Nelyo again, or worse."

He's genuinely curious what his wife has to say. Hopefully her love for Maitimo and her other sons are equal, and her desire to see her other sons freed will be balanced out by her desire not to see Nelyo hurt again.

To Amrod, Fëanor sighs a little and says, "Of course we will let you go by yourself again someday, but only after you have proven that you will not ever hurt yourself again. You remember that to do such is to disobey me, don't you?"

He doesn't know how to fix this problem in Amrod's mind, how to get him to stop hating himself with such a passion. It seems like every argument he has tried so far has failed.

As he thinks over this, his thoughts turn to ones of justice. Amrod seems to share Fëanor's strong sense of justice, and Fëanor remembers how he himself felt a desire to make things right with Findekano. Though Fëanor could not undo his evil deeds, perhaps he could cancel them out with an equally good deed. That seems to be exactly what Amrod is trying to do, except he doesn't seem to see the positive possibility of doing a good deed instead of a second bad one.

That's actually not true, Fëanor realizes, remembering how Amrod had asked minutes before on how he could be a better brother to Maitimo. And Fëanor had basically shot down the idea, so now it only makes sense that Amrod is turning in his mind back to more evil and negativity, more self-harm. Fëanor had been thinking about Amrod's question of how to be better from Nelyo's point of view; there is nothing more that Nelyo needs from Amrod, since he's satisfied with his younger brother's repentance. But now Fëanor can see that the good deed is not necessarily for Nelyo's sake, but for Amrod's.

"You would like to do something good for your brother, wouldn't you?" he muses. He pauses for a while, trying to think of what that could be. What sort of deed could Amrod do that would make him feel like he has made up for the past, in a way? The ideal thing would be something similar in magnitude, but opposite in nature. Amrod would almost certainly be at peace with himself if he managed to save Maitimo from something or use his healing abilities to help him. But Nelyo is not in danger or hurt, and Fëanor does not wish either of those things to happen just for the sake of Amrod's self-esteem. And he has no idea that Amrod already did save Maitimo's life once by fetching Findekano in time to save him from the second murder attempt.

"You already have helped Nelyo a great deal," he points out. "I'm not sure that there's anything large or heroic you can do that would satisfy your sense of justice, unless Nelyo falls into danger again, which none of us want. And you already helped him heal most recently. So, then, perhaps you must content yourself with some small deed of kindness. He seems to like time in nature, and he has recently taken an increased interest in his training, so when you're healed, perhaps you could join him in those things."

Fëanor adds, in conclusion, "If you do not content yourself with Nelyo's forgiveness or in atoning for your deed with small acts of kindness, how does that help anyone? If you continue to hate yourself and hurt yourself, it does not change the past, and it would grieve us all, Nelyo not the least of all. He doesn't wish to see this in you, and he's a perceptive one."

~~~

Namarië... Maitimo has thought about parting with Findekano, and had even assumed that they had already seen the last that they would of each other for a very long time. And it has grieved him, and he's felt the pain of it in his heart. But this feels different, somehow, far more concrete and real, to hear the words from Findekano directly, and to read the passion and grief in his dearest friend's face and eyes.

So Maitimo struggles to hold back tears himself, and carefully stows the letter away in a pocket. "I will read it when I get home, brother, when I know I will already be missing you. That you would think of me at a time like this, it means more to me than you know."

He embraces Findekano one more time, gently, of course. At least they got this extra and unexpected time together; that is a blessing, especially since it has given Maitimo an opportunity to help him in his situation with Nolofinwë, or try to, anyway. Maitimo can't shake the guilt that he is the root cause of all this trouble between the two Houses, though it was unintentional. So if he can play a part in restoring peace to them, that will put him at ease somewhat, make him feel like he has atoned somewhat for what he did.

When Finwë speaks, Maitimo initially feels an immense relief, that Finwë has agreed to his request. But his face pales and his heart drops when Finwë states his conditions. The first one, Maitimo doesn't mind. Of course he's happy to go with them, if Finwë thinks that would help. But the second condition... to do that feels like a betrayal. Maitimo would feel like he had handed Findekano over to the unjust wrath of his father if he agreed to this.

He's tempted to continue to argue and plead on that point. Does Finwë not realize that telling Fingolfin that Fingon and Maitimo were together means that Fingolfin will surely continue his abusive idea of punishment? And hearing Fingon's pleas against it moves Maitimo's heart, and he can't bear to betray him like this.

He opens his mouth to argue, but then closes it. Wait, he tells himself, thinking about how fragile Finwë's agreement is, and that one wrong word could undo everything. There have been so many heated, thoughtless and impassioned words destroying everything lately, that Maitimo decides he will pause and think a little more carefully before responding. Figure out exactly what to say and how to say it.

But the more he thinks about it, nothing he can come up with to say sounds polite, conciliatory or diplomatic. All his arguments he's made up to this point have been impassioned, but based on kindness and not causing offense, and yet they have still not worked. Maitimo was careful to avoid speaking ill of Nolofinwë's character personally, and yet Finwë has still refused to agree to hiding this detail from Fingolfin. And it's not like he doesn't know of the danger, either. Maitimo realizes that Finwë, for whatever reason, simply thinks this is the best thing to do, and it seems he will not be persuaded away from it. So, as much as Maitimo hates feeling like he's betraying Findekano, he realizes this is the only way to gain Finwë's help. And without Finwë, Fingolfin may find out about all this anyway, and continue to hurt Fingon, and all this would be for nothing anyway.

"I don't like this," he honestly admits to Finwë. "I fear what Nolofinwë will do, and I do not wish to see my cousin hurt any more. Yet if you think this is what you must do, I will not hold you back from it. I agree to your conditions, and I'm grateful for your help."

Stepping aside to speak privately with Findekano, he casts him a pained glance and whispers, "I'm sorry, brother; I don't like this any more than you do. But we need his help, and he won't help us unless he does this. He may be the only one who can calm your father down."

 

[Elbereth Vala Varda]

Nerdanel sighs. Feanor seems set in his ways, which would be fine, except for the fact that they are getting in the way of hers. She understands his hesitancy, to some degree. Yes, the brothers committed a very bad crime. But after all that time in the dungeons? It didn't make any sense. Of course, they wouldn't have any attachment to their plans any longer, if they ever even did. She still wonders if it was all really just a misunderstanding. In fact, that makes a lot more sense to her than any notions of the brothers truly plotting and wanting evil and death. Such would not be like her sons in the slightest to do.

"Well, what is your plan, then?" She presses against Feanor impatiently, her voice becoming increasingly more agitated. "Leave them to rot?" She shakes her head. "Really smart of you that is, if you want to have no descendants, no army, no sons, no family, and no forgiveness or mercy in your heart." She counts on her fingers as she names these. "Very brilliant, Curufinwe... A stroke of pure genius." The sarcasm in her voice continues. "Or perhaps you are waiting for them to repent..." She pauses. "To do some great deed and prove their loyalty..." Her eyes narrow. "Oh, wait- they can't take one step, they can barely lift their heads, and it's all because of..." She doesn't finish that thought, but it's clear what she means.

She gets increasingly more desperate. "Feanor, I am a mother of seven sons! And you've stolen four of them from me." She puts a hand on his forearm. "I don't know what your little plan is, what little act is going to prove their goodness to you, but you would be best to find it and find it swiftly. This is ridiculous. Such a large family, and half of them I can't even visit."

As she hears Feanor speak of motives, however, she softens a little. So, there is still some hope here in his heart. A motive... That's what he wants. At first, she thinks that she should let him carry on with it. Ask the brothers, see what they say. But in her heart and mind, she aches. She knows that they won't say, and that even if they did, they are brothers, young wild boys, their motives can change on a whim and it's ridiculous and unreasonable for Feanor to expect a clear and concise answer.

She opens her mouth to tell him so but closes it as quickly as she had opened. So, a motive is what he wants... She thinks. And while it would be only too tempting to fire back with the reasons swirling in her head, she knows Feanor. He won't bend. He won't break. No, she needs to be more clever than that. And there's only one thing that she can think of, and a plan devises in her mind.

I will find a clear motive for Feanor, She thinks. And I will speak to those sons of mine and see to it that they all answer with the same motive and goal in mind. Feanor will be satisfied. My sons will be free. I will have the peace I have always craved.

So, she nods. "I think that would be wise." She smiles. "If you can find the motive behind their awful deeds, and they are all the same, perhaps we can finally bring the brothers back into our family dwelling."

Amrod nods at Feanor's question, tears cresting in the corners of his eyes. "I just love Nelyo, father... And I've, I've done him so wrong. I'm sorry that I've done this... And disobeyed you... But I know that I deserve the pain..." He sighs. "I just wish that I hadn't pained you, and Nelyo in the process..." His heart sinks, thinking over everything. In his attempt to fix his bad actions, he seems to have made things even worse and hurt Nelyo emotionally. "I'm such a bad brother..." He mutters, trying not to burst out in tears, but choking back words.

His mind swirls in a thousand directions, every one of them accusatory. He wishes that he would just slip from the world, to rid everyone of his loathe-worthy self. After all, he's done nothing but cause trouble all his life. And now? He's a traitor. A murderer. A criminal. That's who he is. He wonders if Amras is feeling the same way. He wonders what the world would be like for Nelyo if he had just never existed. And he feels personally responsible for everything as he watches the terrible swordplay rewind in his head.

"I want to love Nelyo and to spend time with him, father..." He whispers after listening to Feanor's words. "But I don't feel very much worthy, and I'd probably only mess more up." His face becomes grave. "What a terrible brother I've been... He deserved better."

As Feanor concludes, he feels the prickling guilt inside of him. Feanor is right. Nelyo is perceptive. But Amrod is not sure he can ever stop hating himself and the evil murderer he's become. 'It would be better for me to just wind up dead,' He thinks to himself. 'that way Nelyo wouldn't have to be around me anymore. He'd be rid of my stupidity and my heart.'

~~~

Fingon nods. "Of course, brother. I'll always think of you, no matter how much a fool I am, or how many mistakes I make..." He sighs. "I may never be enough for any of you, but at the least, I can love." He's half-tempted to shrink back here, after all, he just unveiled a great deal of the vulnerability of his heart. But if he can't trust Maitimo with it, he isn't sure who he could trust. And if he doesn't pour himself out to someone, he will go on bursting and boiling inside. This is the only way.

Finwe gives a swift nod, the moment that Maitimo agrees. He has been aware that Feanor wants to get things moving, no doubt, so he is trying to keep this conversation at least slightly more abbreviated. After all, angering his son is not something he wants to do. "Perfect." He rises, starting to extinguish the torches around the room, and turning to Maitimo, one hand laid with gentleness on his shoulder. "Trust me, son... This is the best choice. I know it's hard, but this is what we must do. Keeping secrets, lying and cheating, those things have never done the Eldar good, mm?" He takes Maitimo's hand. "If you'd agree to it, I think it would be good for you to be the one to tell Nolofinwe about his son's whereabouts, and that he was with you."

He sighs, gesturing. "Come, Fingon. Both of you. Let us go and meet him in haste."

Findekano hardly wants to go, but with Maitimo seeming to push him on, he doesn't refuse. He gives a sad look up at Maitimo. "He'll beat me, I'm sure of it..." He chokes back words. "He'll hit me with that whip, and Finwe won't even try to stop him-"

Finwe glances at Maitimo and Fingon. "I know Nolofinwe. He is good. He will not do such a thing."

Finwe says this to calm Fingon, but instead, it only angers and agitates him more. Everyone thinks Fingolfin is such a good king of his House, so he must be such a great father too... Everyone will believe Nolofinwe, not Fingon.

~~~

Maglor sighs. "If I can help you, I will." Truthfully, Feanoriel's words shock him. That he could have so much power to help her. And this causes those guilty feelings to flee him, which he rejoices at.

 

[Áramandë Amaniel]

I nod at him after a few silent moments.

"I suppose you will. You probably already have helped me today, relieved me of a little burden from my heart."

 

[Maedhros_Nelyafinwë]

Fëanor's eyes narrow at his wife's bitterly sarcastic and mocking words. That she would dare to speak to him like this, with such unveiled contempt, is shocking and offensive to him. The one person whom he had always expected to stand by his side, and who for the most part, had, all these years. Until now, it would seem.

He pulls away from her, his piercing blue eyes flashing with sudden anger.

"Is this really what you think of me?" he says bitterly. "You think my plan and judgment is foolish? I'd like to see you do any better. If you are allowed to have your way, you will have six sons instead of seven, for Nelyo would be dead! Or is that a fair trade-off for you? Would it make you feel better to trade away the life of our eldest for the freedom of the four? Nay, if you be patient with me and my plan, you likely will see the four redeemed soon enough. But if these recent tragedies have taught me anything, it is to be shrewd and careful, never taking anyone's word at face value, being careful to uncover all the facts, and to not gamble with any of our childrens' safety."

His words are harsh, but he does not regret them, feeling that Nerdanel has brought this on herself by speaking to him in such a condescending and hostile manner.

But at least she seems to be in agreement with him about revealing their motives, and, calming down slightly, he nods. "Fine, then. If they can willingly provide me with a consistent testimony regarding their motives, and if they seem sincerely repentant, I will consider giving them some time out of the dungeons, though they will be guarded."

Listening to Amrod's words, he sighs a little, his heart weighed down with the despair in his son's words. Fëanor is used to being able to fix things, either physically in his workshop by making sure every fine craft of his creation is made perfect, or in a more abstract sense by enforcing order and justice in his household. But he doesn't know how to fix a hurting heart, especially one that seems so stubborn in wallowing in its own misery.

"Nelyo thinks you are worthy," he points out, deciding against an endless debate of whether or not Amrod actually is worthy. That could go on for ages and never get resolved. "Regardless, I am now commanding you to do it, once we get home and you have healed. You and he both need this, I think."

~~~

"Never enough?" Maitimo's eyes widen and are filled with sorrow at hearing such bleak words out of his cousin. Though it doesn't surprise him that Findekano would be feeling this way; the words of Nolofinwë hold great influence, and they have clearly cut Findekano deeply. Maitimo remembers all too well the harsh and condemning words that Fëanaro had spoken to him not so long ago, and they still live in his mind, often enough. But it grieves him that his friend is feeling this way, especially because he wouldn't be if Maitimo had never been in his life in the first place. "Findekano... I don't know what Nolofinwë thinks, but I know what I think, and you are enough for me, exactly the way you are."

Though he realizes with sorrow that his own words likely hold little weight in comparison to those of Fingon's father. But he must at least try to speak some positivity and encouragement to his friend.

And his eyes widen and his face pales with horror as Finwë suggests that Maitimo be the one to utter those words. "No, please, don't make me do that!" he cries out. "It's hard enough, feeling like I've betrayed him. It's one thing if you feel this is necessary, Grandfather, but I don't, and I am yielding to your judgment, not agreeing with it. I'm certain Nolofinwë will deal with Findekano harshly upon hearing this, and I can't bear the responsibility of uttering the words that cause it. I've done enough damage in his life! Please, do not let me do any more!"

 

[Elbereth Vala Varda]

Nerdanel staggers back at Feanor's words. Those are dark. Very dark. But is there some truth to them? She thinks over his questions to her, one by one.

Is this really what you think of me? She shakes her head. It feels like she doesn't. But after all, her words to him were harsh. But they weren't meant to be personally demeaning of his character. He's a fine leader and father and husband, but his plan today is terrible.

Do you think my plan and judgement is foolish? To put it plainly, yes, she does. But she doesn't quite have the heart to tell him so. Instead, she settles for a more gentle approach. "I think your plans are too harsh. They aren't giving anyone a fair chance to prove themself, and you can't expect the brothers to have an opportunity to save their own esteem and redeem themselves if you never let them out of that cage you've made for them..." She sighs. "They'd rot in there, and die there too, if you had your wish."

However, as he starts to question her regarding Nelyo, she shifts uncomfortably. Would it be a fair trade-off? If she had the chance to make it, she probably would. If it meant peace, she would. But she wouldn't be happy about it. She wouldn't want to sacrifice the health and safety of her son, but was that what she was really proposing? What if Nelyo did get hurt again? Would she feel bad? Of course, she would. But she wouldn't feel guilty. After all, maybe it was a fair trade. Not Nelyo's life, but his comfort.

"They aren't going to kill him." She finally says. "I know they are good young boys, just wild." She sighs. "And I would gladly trade Nelyo's peace of mind and comfort if it meant we could get them out of that prison." Her voice comes out confident, perhaps so confident that it's almost a little frightening.

But as Feanor agrees, she feels she has completed her mission. All she has to do now is to get to the sons before Feanor can and tell them exactly what to say and do to convince their father that they have repented. As long as they do it, and she feels that they most certainly will because they are no doubt desperate to have their home again, Feanor will release them. She will have peace.

Amrod sighs, dropping his head low. Now, he doesn't have a choice. Which means that even if he does the right thing, it won't make up for his past actions. Anything that would earn back trust and love would have to be something he willingly chose for himself. Since father has now made it mandatory for him to spend time with Nelyo, this won't work either. Honestly, it seems like nothing would. He almost wishes that he was back in that room with the dagger. Maybe I should've gone farther than just hurting myself. Maybe I should've, well... He shudders a little at that thought. That it's really gotten this bad, that he's really gotten this bad as a person that Nelyo would be better off rid of his existence and very life. "I'll do it.." He says, nodding to Feanor, trying not to look as absolutely depressed as he feels. "Even though I'm not worthy of it."

~~~

Fingon listens to Maitimo's words, trying extremely hard not to cry. He's wept enough today, and brought enough sorrow. He must cheer up somehow or he will remain in this desolation and drag his brother down with him. Maitimo's words are tender, and they feel so good to hear, almost like a breathe of fresh air or a sweet balm on his wounded heart. But of course, they aren't heard without scrutiny. He can't help but feel that either Maitimo doesn't really know him, so can't make that decision, or that he's not really enough and Maitimo is just saying that he is.

He shakes his head slightly. "No, I'm not." He sighs. "I'm glad you think so, I guess I'm good at pretending, but I know I'm not good enough for you, or for anyone else." His eyes drift away, musing on the past. "It's just as father said. Fingon, unless you achieve perfection, you will never be enough." He sighs, glancing at Maitimo. "Do I look perfect to you?" He doesn't even give the chance for his brother to answer. "I didn't think so."

Finwe places a gentle hand to rest on Maitimo's shoulder, whispering to him. "It's not a betrayal, son. Findekano should be telling his father this himself. And I think it would be good for you to tell him. After all, I cannot be fully sure of the truth in his words, and I mean this with all respect and love." He tenderly gazes at Maitimo. "I know it's hard, but it's best. If I enter the room, Nolofinwe will act differently. No, instead, I will stay hidden beside the door, and should things escalate, I will enter. But not until."

He sighs. Maitimo seems so genuinely scared for Findekano, and it's really hard for Finwe to not completely give in to everything his grandson asks for. But still, he knows what would be best, and that Maitimo telling the story would be the surest way for him to see what is going on, what is really going on. Otherwise, it is one's word against another's word, and another, and by how many times this story has circulated and triangled through the many members of Finwe's House, he isn't sure how much he can trust it. Everyone looks sincere, but he needs to be a little more cautious. Besides, if he saw any danger, he wouldn't do it. The most Fingolfin could get in was one slap at his son, if that, before Finwe intervenes and settles everything peaceably.

He turns again to Maitimo, gazing into his eyes and speaking even softer, if it was possible to have any more tender and light a voice. "Please, son... Do this for your cousin, and do it for me..."

~~~

Maglor nods slowly. "Did I? Hm..." It's hard to believe that he has that much power to do good.

And to do bad. A dark thought reminds him. But he swallows it down. No, don't ruin my peace. I've done good.

 

[Áramandë Amaniel]

I give a slight nod, gazing up at him, my eyes meeting his intently.

"Yes....yes, you have....and with good reason....you are a good brother, loving, kind, caring, yet ever careful, ever helpful. Your words have given me strength, more than I thought."

Although there is still a long way to go, I think to myself.​

 

[Maedhros_Nelyafinwë]

"You are wrong. My plan has allowed them all a chance to redeem themselves," Fëanor says coldly. "I am growing tired of these wild and untrue accusations of yours. Remember, it was not so long ago when all this happened-- less than a fortnight ago. Do you really think they've had a sincere change of heart since then and that Nelyo is not in danger?"

He is a little shocked, too, at her bold claim that she would gladly trade Nelyo's security and peace of mind for the freedom of the other four. It seems so unlike her usual self, usually so sensitive to the emotional needs of others, and especially her children, and perhaps Nelyo most of all. She has always had a special bond with him, possibly since they are so alike, both in physical appearance and in temperament. What has changed?

"If Nelyo's feelings of comfort were the only other thing to consider, I would agree with you," he tells her. "If he were truly in no danger, I would not let his feelings hold back the freedom of the others. But the thing is, that is not the case. I don't know for sure whether or not the others are violent still, but I am unwilling to take the risk."

To Amrod, Fëanor nods, though he is displeased to see that Amrod still thinks he is unworthy. It just goes to show how his command really was necessary. "Good," he says, deciding not to argue about it. Hopefully, Amrod's time together with Maitimo will help him get over some of those feelings. "You are making the right choice in obeying me, and I think you'll be glad you did."

~~~

"He told you he expects you to be perfect?" If this weren't such a grave and upsetting situation, Maitimo might have laughed out loud. It's such a ridiculous command. No one is perfect except Eru Iluvatar, so how can any parent fairly demand that of their child? And gazing into Findekano's eyes, he realizes with shock and sympathy that Findekano is fully believing and internalizing what his father said. And why wouldn't he? Any young Elda would hold the words of his father with great weight and respect.

"I wish he hadn't said that to you," he says, his voice soft and sympathetic. "He has placed an impossible burden on you, for no one is perfect. He's not, Finwë's not, your brothers and sister aren't... it's ridiculous."

Yet he can't bring himself to tell Findekano to ignore his father's words, since that will be impossible. Besides, if he is to continue to live under Nolofinwë's roof, he must try to do what he says, and now he risks being hurt if he doesn't. Maitimo's heart is broken for his friend. He's caught between striving to be perfect and getting hurt.

As Finwë speaks, Maitimo can't help but feel angered, and as though all this is deeply unfair. Finwë is changing the terms around, asking Maitimo to do something he is completely unwilling to do. It seems to Maitimo that there is a double standard here, since Finwë hiding and waiting would be a form of dishonesty, which he had claimed to be so opposed to. It also seems greatly unfair that Finwë thinks it was Findekano's responsibility all along to tell Nolofinwë of where he was, and now Finwë is dumping that on Maitimo?

"I mean no disrespect, Grandfather," he says, trying to keep his voice even and calm, "but that is not our agreement. I asked you to speak with Nolofinwë, not to hide and wait while I speak to Nolofinwë. And you agreed to do such, as long as I was willing that Nolofinwë know where Findekano has been, which I have agreed to. Now you are changing the terms, and I am unwilling to do what you now ask of me. I am not willing to be alone with Nolofinwë and Findekano. I could make everything worse by being there, whereas you would make everything better. And why should Findekano have to get hurt yet again just so we can all have the proof that this is happening? And who knows; his ire could be turned on me too. Whereas he looks up to you and respects you, and if you tell him of what you have seen and heard and ask him for his side of the story, perhaps there could be healing and reconciliation. I don't believe the goal here is to prove that Nolofinwë hurt Findekano. The goal is to stop it from happening again."

 

[Elbereth Vala Varda]

"It may not have been long ago, Feanaro..." Nerdanel whispers. "But I have to believe that the brothers would have repented. They are not that obstinate that they would not. And honestly, it makes more sense that they would have been sincerely and utterly repentant than for them to still have violence and anger in their hearts, if they ever did. I know those wild boys. If they had such violence and hostility in their hearts so deeply rooted, it would have been blatantly clear that they did. They can't hide anything from me. I see them each in their truest selves."

She sighs, gazing at Feanor. She doesn't want to argue with him. If she had her way, it would be peaceful. But still, she feels this is her duty. If Feanor had what he wanted, the sons would never make it out. She can't doom them to that. Especially the twins. She's starting to realize that they are the biggest hope for Feanaro's House, being the youngest and no doubt the most receptive. If she can get them aside, she can bring them up and raise them how she would want to. And she makes a clear decision. To invest time into the youngest ones. Nelyo seems too misled, Feanoriel is a young maiden, Maglor is a traitor to his kin apparently, and the others are far too feisty. But Amrod and Amras might be real hope, and if she can instill in them what is right, they may still be very great leaders and sons in her family.

"Listen, I'm not sure Nelyo's health wouldn't be a worthy sacrifice either," She says, almost immediately wondering if she should have let those words get out of her head and onto her lips. "After all, would you rather have three sons or seven and one wounded?" She shakes her head. "I don't want him to get hurt at all, but perhaps it is worth the small risk. Especially because there is no risk. He's going to be fine. They won't come after him again."

She adds, a little more gently. "Feanor, I don't want to argue with you. Really, I don't. But can you please- at least compromise here? If all of their motives and repentance line up, please at least give them a chance?" She takes his hands. "Especially Ambarussa... He's so young, and this all has separated him from his twin and closest friend..."

Amrod nods once again. Father's words seem convincing and he feels at least a slight rush in him at the thought of making Nelyo's life better. How miserable he's made it, and now that he has the chance to make it even an ounce better, he is never going to refuse this. "So, when do I start?" He says, almost pulsing with enthusiasm. "Should I go find him now?"

He can't deny the sinking feeling that he is unworthy, that he shouldn't be having this opportunity. But if this makes Nelyo's life better, it is most certainly worth it, isn't it? Surely, surely it is. After all, he is trying to avoid being selfish at all in the slightest. So, doing the thing that his father wants him to, even though he knows he doesn't deserve it, is surely the best choice to make.

~~~

Fingon nods. "Yes. That's what he wants from me." He stops himself. "Corrections, that's what he demands from me. Perfection. He's said that, that nothing else will be tolerated..." He stares down, realizing that if this is the truth, and he is starting to believe that it fully is, he has been a failure for his entire life. And even more than that, his father has been endlessly merciful and gracious to him. What a disrespectful and dishonorable son he has been to not even thank his father, and to say rude things of him.

His head falls heavy. "Does your-does your father not expect that of you?" And as he mulls over this, and everything else, he starts to wonder if he should even be doing this. After all, he's blatantly disregarded his father's commands to him, and sought out Maitimo and stayed with him despite how much he knows his father will hate him for it.

"Hmm..." Finwe thinks, pondering if there is some truth to Maitimo's words. In his mind, Maitimo is bright. Very bright. In fact, he is one of the most clever and resourceful Elves that Finwe has ever met, and he finds it shocking that all of this skill seems to be coming to such great fruition at such an early age of his life. It reminds him of Feanor. A smith and a craftsman his whole life, amazing at everything and the son that no one could ever not be proud of. He was amazing. So, Finwe puts a lot of thought into his words, and contemplates everything he says very VERY deeply.

"I suppose you are right that it wasn't part of the original design." He says softly. "But perhaps you would be willing to agree to it regardless? I truly want to fix this conflict, but not just to get Fingon out of the way of it. And first, I must know in great detail what the problem is. Since Fingon refuses to tell me that, I will have to seek it privately, secretly, and for your comfort, son... I do not think Fingon would be beaten by his father at all before I can intervene. And if he is, it will not be much."

Fingon, overhearing all of this angst regarding who will tell the unfortunate news that Fingon has disobeyed his father's command and spent time with Maitimo, he feels guilt. Obviously, no one should be telling this story but him. Frankly, he probably shouldn't even have them with him. He should go alone, face his father's judgement, and leave. Bringing his friend into this is just rude, and bringing grandfather in disrespectful. He sighs, turning to face both of them, and interrupts.

"I'll do it." He says, mustering every shred of his confidence into that one statement alone. "In fact, you both can just stay back if you'd like..." The guilt of bringing them into this mess is wearing on him, much more than he can endure for the whole day, and possibly the rest of his life. "I'll go and tell father alone," His voice drops to a whisper as he goes on, "And face whatever he has in store for me..."

He looks a bit more tenderly at Maitimo, taking his hand. "I'm really sorry for bringing you into this. Your family is a mess enough, you don't need my problems weighing on you too." He sighs. "I guess I just thought it was too much to take alone, but it's not, and I should have seen that. It's my fault I'm here, it should be my responsibility to dig myself out."

Finwe stays silent, awaiting Maitimo's response to this, as he knows that the young Elda will have an opinion without doubt, and wants to hear it, before he says anything himself.

~~~

Maglor nods, almost glorying in the fact that she's proven what he wants to believe.

See? She thinks I'm good. She said it herself.

But the darker voice still lingers, but she doesn't know what you've done. She doesn't know you're a traitor.

He shakes his head, tossing that thought away. "I'm glad I've been able to help you. Now tell me, where do we go from here?"

 

[Áramandë Amaniel]

I glance at him, a little uneasy.

"Truth be told....I don't exactly know."

I then add with a slight chuckle:

"You're the composer....don't you have ideas, usually?"

 

[Maedhros_Nelyafinwë]

"If they ever did?" Fëanor says incredulously. He feels like he's constantly repeating himself, reminding Nerdanel of the violent deeds the younger four have done to Nelyo, and arguing that if they were so evil as to do that willingly, they must be regarded with great wariness and suspicion. It almost seems like Nerdanel is turning a willfully blind eye to their violence. He can understand that she misses them, and perhaps is in denial about what they did, but he's astounded to see such stubborn denial from her.

He decides to try arguing his point one more time, and if she still won't concede, he'll figure out what to do about it later. "You saw the miserable state they put Nelyo in each of the three times. It takes great, great malice to inflict that kind of suffering on anyone, let alone one's own brother. If you know them as well as you claim to, why can you then not explain why they did it? Why would I trust in your confidence that they have changed?"

Further, he's shocked by her admission that she is even willing to sacrifice Nelyo's physical safety, to some degree, for the freedom of the four. "Nerdanel. My love, listen to yourself," he says severely, putting his hands on her arms and staring at her with intensity. "As parents, it is our duty to protect all our children, not to make it a game of numbers or majority rule. We have to make some tough choices, but as of right now, all our children are safe. I am unwilling to gamble with that reality until we know more."

He sighs a little when she begs him to compromise. "Can't you see I already have compromised, simply by offering them the chance to be released, and possibly soon? You ought to be grateful that I did not exile them, or sentence them to prison for life, because they deserve either and are getting far less than that."

Fëanor is gladdened somewhat, though, to see a faint spark of light and enthusiasm coming from Amrod. "Nelyo is speaking with your grandfather right now," he tells him, "but we can certainly find out where they are, and wait for them to finish."

~~~

Maitimo shakes his head in disbelief, shocked to hear that Nolofinwë has said such things to Findekano. It seems so unlike the same man who welcomed Maitimo and Ancalirë into his household, listening to their story with understanding and even taking them in as though they were his own children for a time. He'd had his initial doubts, but he'd come around. Now, he seems the opposite, so stern, so harsh, so unforgiving.

"Nay, brother, my father doesn't expect that of anyone, as hard as he can be sometimes," he says. "His standards are high and can even feel unattainable at times, to be sure. But he has never once said that he expects any of us to be perfect. I can't believe this is what your father expects... I'm so sorry..."

Never in a thousand years would Maitimo have ever thought that his own father would be more reasonable than Nolofinwë. Yet here they are.

When Finwë speaks, at least he's admitting that he's altered the deal. But Maitimo falls silent, not sure how to respond to it. He feels as though Finwë has entirely rejected and rewritten the initial agreement, and asked for something that is far more risky and severe than what Maitimo is willing to do, and he can't help but feel betrayed by it. He backs away slightly from Finwë, slightly, his face going numb and expressionless.

No one can or will truly help me, not even Finwë, he thinks bitterly. Finwë himself had said that the world has left him to burn and will not help him, and this seems increasingly true. Maitimo had thought Finwë was the one exception to that, but apparently not. It seems like everyone he knows is either unwilling or powerless to help him when he needs it. It's not that Finwë is unkind or uncaring; quite the opposite. But he has his own rigid internal moral code which he seems unwilling to bend in the slightest, even for the sake of protecting his grandchild from harm. And Maitimo doesn't understand this, because he sees protecting innocents from harm as the highest of all moral ideals.

So, privately, Maitimo tells himself to never let in anyone that close again. Even those who love him and mean well either can't or won't help when he's in trouble, so what use is that? From now on, he must take matters into his own hands when he is in trouble. His best hope is to petition the Valar for help sometimes, but they are so far above him that he understands it is not their responsibility to protect him from every bad thing that comes his way. They have been gracious enough in saving his life three times, so he's not sure how much more he can fairly expect out of them than that.

He wonders for a while how he can possibly respond to Finwë and attempt to regain what he lost, but thankfully Fingon spares him from it. And though Fingon's words are fair and true, to a certain degree, Maitimo still doesn't want his friend to have to face that alone.

"It may be your fight, brother, but you have always aided me in my battles when you have not needed to," he says. "I will go with you. I still believe you would be in less danger if someone else were present."

He glances at Finwë with somewhat a cold look in his eyes. "I will go with or without your help, Grandfather."