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The other joke and meme thread

Sir Thomas Beecham (English conductor best know for his association with the London Philharmonic and the Royal Philharmonic orchestras):

The trouble with women in an orchestra is that if they are attractive it will upset my players, and if they are not it will upset me.

There are two golden rules for any orchestra: start together and finish together. The public doesn't give a damn about what goes on in between.

[To a player struggling during rehearsal]
We cannot expect you to be with us all the time, but perhaps you could be good enough to keep in touch now and again.

[On Bach] Too much counterpoint; what is worse, Protestant counterpoint.

Movie music is noise. It's even more painful than my sciatica.

As you'll never hear the thing again, my boy, why not throw in a couple of brass bands?
 
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