Discussion Twilight Amidst the Everlasting Darkness: Discussion

[Server Room Gremlin]

Yayyy, another chapter! I was pleasantly surprised to see this notification pop up this morning. :3

...Many emotions were stirred up by this one. What a coincidence that it happens to have a significant focus on Maedhros' recovery from Thangorodrim, and the lingering effects of his torment. Much like the drawing I most recently completed. 🙃 Our poor Nelyo is going through it this month!

Now that the tea was fully brewed and cooled to a safe temperature, Elion poured a cup of it and brought it over to Celegorm and Maedhros. Kneeling beside them, he took Maedhros' pulse and frowned. It was racing again. This antidote was not ready a moment too soon, then. However, it wouldn't work instantly, so they would still have to keep careful watch over him. Elion held the cup to Maedhros' lips, and he sipped it. Thankfully, there was some immediate relief for him as his heart slowed a little, but there was still a long way to go.

Lómion would have laughed with relief if he weren’t so exhausted. His shoulders sagged and he fell to his knees as the strength and adrenaline left his body.

First of all, phew. I too am glad they were successfully able to find and administer the antidote. Everyone needs a rest now. >_< It's been a lot for all of them to handle.

Not for the first time, Maitimo wished Aranya were here. She had better medicines than poppy milk: strong herbs the other healers didn’t exactly approve of, which brought happy hallucinations rather than nightmarish visions. But more importantly, she was skilled in creating breathing mists, and soothing the mind with her powerful songs.

...Kitten Juice!

And indeed, it seems to be a constant problem throughout Maitimo's life that he and Aranya are inconveniently separated by ill chances and strange fates. >:I
... 🥁

Some of Maitimo’s anxiety began to fade, now that the antidote was helping lower his heart rate. And he was relieved to have gotten his way in not being put back to sleep. His limbs felt heavy with exhaustion and his pain was creeping back up, but he'd take that any day over the awful nightmares induced by the strong substance.

Same, honestly.
Me when reading about potential side effects of strong medicines: no thank u, I'd rather suffer 🫡

A memory suddenly and loudly intruded into his mind. He was back at Lake Mithrim, in that tent where he had spent many wretched months unable to move. His face was buried in a pillow. He was screaming at the top of his lungs.

He also recalled Finno, Laurë and Aranya entering his tent after he fell silent, all three of them pale and trembling and teary-eyed, rattled to the core by his unearthly and agonized screams. They all pretended they hadn’t heard his screaming. He pretended he didn’t know they knew about it. It was better for everyone that way.

Oof. *screws face up*
That part hit me for some reason. I'm like... why do I know what that kind of situation is like? From both Maitimo's perspective and that of the others? And the 'pretending' part in particular. I have some guesses, but probably better not to think too hard about it. I do seem to have some weird gaps in my memory that aren't just 'I forgot, cause it was a long time ago', but rather reject my attempts to reach them. And probably for a good reason.

It's an effective way of showing what that period of time in Maitimo's life was like. It shows it very impactfully in such a short/brief scene. 😞

Though Maitimo was still struggling to maintain control over his mind, he shoved the thought away. As bad as his current situation was, it still wasn't nearly as bad as Thangorodrim. This was only two days of damage, where Thangorodrim had been thirty years of it. It wasn't worth disturbing Tyelko and certainly not Lómion with any unsettling screams or cries, or even just muttering in his sleep. He could, and would, endure this as quietly as possible.

Ah, come on now bro. Just because you are able to, doesn't necessarily mean it's the best thing.
And like... "two days". You can't measure the severity of your situation solely with mere length of time! You briefly died, bruh. I think they'd expect you to feel bad, and want to help you. Especially as in some ways, the torment on Thangorodrim and the recovery from it has in fact made you more sensitive and reduced your tolerance for some things ('but the shadow of his pain was in his heart...').
You're not tough all through, and you still need help sometimes, even if it's understandably hard to believe that others could possibly be able to give it, thanks to your terribly unfortunate experiences during your recovery (e.g. in that particular intruding memory quoted above).

Tyelko stuttered helplessly in his attempt to answer his brother's question. He knew he had not been as... involved as he should have during Maitimo's recovery process after he had finally returned to them. But one look at his battered, scarred up, skeletal body was enough for Tyelko to leave Maitimo’s tent and take refuge in his own tent to cry his heart out.

It took him a while after that to be able to visit his brother, although it didn't mean Curvo and Kano hadn't tried their hardest to convince him. And when he finally did, it was only because his brother had been in a much better shape than he had arrived. But his visits were for the times when Nelyo had been unconscious and never when he was awake. He couldn't bear to look into Maitimo's eyes without the guilt building up in his throat and tearing up.

Poor soft-hearted Tyelko. 🥺

His emotions are too great, his thoughts are in disarray, and he cannot face his dear brother long enough to be able to help him in some way. And he blames himself for not rescuing his brother, which is an additional uncomfortable weight, driving the thorns of his distress deeper.

And these dreams of Thangorodrim were much more frequent than Tyelko liked, even back then.

The only thing he could do was alert Aranya or Laurë or Finno, or in the rare times they were not available, Moryo, so they could help him calm down from the fear of his nightmares. But he couldn't tell him any of that. If he did, then he had to answer the rest of Nelyo's question, which he couldn't bring himself to do now. Perhaps never.

I wonder what Tyelko fears so much about telling Maitimo that he witnessed him having nightmares. Perhaps he doesn't want Maitimo to know that he was visiting him only when he was asleep/unconscious, because it might hurt his feelings or make him feel bad about things he had no control over? And maybe there is shame that he didn't stay there to help Maitimo himself after the nightmares.

Maitimo still looked a bit suspicious but didn't question him any further. Despite being dazed and exhausted, he could still somewhat manage to read Tyelko’s emotional cues. Something about this didn’t seem right… but what? Here he was overthinking again... he couldn't seem to stop doing it, even when his mind was mush.

*pat pats bro's overactive anxious brain*

Maedhros doesn't stop Maedhrosing... even when his body isn't working properly. 🫠

He paused there, unsure how far he wanted to continue. Tyelko had been kinder than expected these past few hours, so Maitimo didn’t want to burden him with too much. If it were Finno or Laurë or Aranya, he wouldn’t have hesitated to confide in one of them, but Tyelko had never really played that role in Maitimo’s life.

Ooh... 😬 That part's a bit uncomfortable to read, after what we've just learned about Tyelko's feelings and actions during Maitimo's recovery.

"That... that could have happened to you; I'm not going to lie. But it didn't. And I think it's a good thing to keep in mind in case of... other nightmares you may have in the future." He hoped his sincere words, though blunt, would bring his brother as much peace as the more hopeful words of others.

Maitimo nodded grimly. It didn't reassure him to hear his brother agree that this dark concoction of his mind was not an impossibility, but what had he expected? It had actually happened to Elves long ago, and who was he to think that he was in any way superior to them— physically, intellectually or morally?

These thoughts in his troubled mind were too complex for him to even begin to voice in his pain and exhaustion, so he said nothing more about it.

...A relatable thought process there. The truth is better for you than anything else, but it can be a hard thing to face. And indeed, regarding many things, 'there but for the grace of God go I'.

Seeing a dark look come to Maitimo’s eyes as he fell silent, Tyelko thought over the last few words he had spoken, cursing himself for every word out of his mouth coming out as either too awkward or too harsh. Why couldn't he just comfort his brother in his distress like a normal person?

He sighed. Thinking about it, it made sense why between him and Findekáno, it was his cousin Nelyo liked more. He didn't doubt his brother's love for him, but Maitimo had always had a soft spot for the first son of Nolofinwë.

Who wouldn't? Friendly and easygoing he might have been, but much like Nelyo, he had always been the voice of reason during many arguments. And he didn't make people work hard to love him. Not like Tyelko.

Even if Maitimo had the patience of a saint, it didn't mean he enjoyed being one. And Tyelko had tested his patience enough throughout… well… all his life.

Now poor Tyelko's self-doubt is creeping in again, his feelings of being 'no-one's favourite', of not being good enough, of being hard to live with... 🥺

And yet he couldn't reassure Tyelko that his words were untrue. Maitimo did long for his oldest brother or favorite cousin or his closest healer because they were all so warm and compassionate. But that didn't mean he didn't appreciate Tyelko being here and helping the way he did.

"Please... don't talk like that," he said with a sigh. "You are here, and I'm very grateful for it."

The long pause Nelyo took was enough for Tyelko to know he had been thinking the same thing as him. He couldn't say he blamed him but it still hurt.

Oh no...
Wish I could comfort Tyelko now. It is no fault of his that he is not who Maitimo would prefer during a time like this. It is simply due to the way different people's personalities interact with each other. There are definitely many situations where Curvo would be most reassured by Tyelko's presence, rather than anyone else. And it is no failure of anyone else in the family that Curvo in Valinor usually preferred to go to Fëanor for comfort and advice. No one person can get along perfectly with everyone at all times. But Tyelko is discouraged by the fact that his presence is, more often than not, less appreciated than that of others. 🥺

Again, something about Tyelkormo’s words made Maitimo feel uneasy, but he couldn’t decipher the warnings of his intuition. Tyelko almost sounded… hurt. Bitter, or perhaps slightly angry. If Maitimo were a little stronger right now, both physically and in fëa, he would have tried to ask some questions and dig at the heart of what was going on. Had he hurt Tyelko or made him feel unloved somehow? What was going on?

Ah... and this chapter ends on a somewhat tense emotional note. From this, I suspect that things will not get easier on the emotional front, and further complications will arise. But poor Maitimo doesn't have the brain to deal with it, even if he wants to. He needs rest. *gives bro a little gentle hug*

 

[Beleg_Cúthalion]

I recently read the whole story here, and I wish to congratulate @Tyelkormo the Fair and @Maedhros_Nelyafinwë for how well you did on this story. The work in editing and writing this RP/Story was certainly worth it! I appreciate how the story has some humorous parts in the story; it made it more enjoyable than it already was and showed the love that Maitimo had for Aredhel and Lomion. When Aredhel called Maitimo a "Big stupid carrot-top", I burst out laughing so hard that I think my throat was sore afterwards 🤣. I also enjoyed how caring and loving that Tyelko was to Maitimo and Aredhel, and how he was desperately running all over the place trying so hard to help Maitimo and not let him die, that part was simply very touching.

I like that this story gives Eol more detail in personality, showing who he really could have been, and what he could have done if things had gone differently. Tolkien did not describe what Eol actually did to Lomion and Arehel, so I enjoy this story shows Eol for what he likely was, instead of leaving him to simply be known as a "not very nice" person. Lomion's life must have been so shattered by everything that happened to him, so I am glad he gets a parent who will try to rebuild his life for him and be as kind as his mother was to him. That part seemed happy to me, that Maeglin would get Maedhros as a parent.

Good work on writing this story! It is very touching, very well written, and incredible overall, especially for not being completely cannon. Aredhel was exactly as one would imagine her, Eol and Lomion as well. Huan was remarkably written too, so perfect and so sweet to Maitimo when he was cold and injured. I love how that big fluffball was portrayed in this tale. Tyelko was also portrayed very well, and it was touching how the story actually described how Tyelko felt when he saw what happened to his cousin. The story implies he wasn't completely in agreement with the burning of the ships, and that is another detail I really like. Maitimo is well written, all his thoughts, how good and honorable he was being, how kind and gentle he was acting (except when he bashed Eol on the head), it was so Maitimo-like, and that I appreciated. Awesome job! Your work on this was totally worth it! I enjoyed it so much!

 

[Maedhros_Nelyafinwë]

Sorry it took me so long to reply to these comments!

Oof. *screws face up*
That part hit me for some reason. I'm like... why do I know what that kind of situation is like? From both Maitimo's perspective and that of the others? And the 'pretending' part in particular. I have some guesses, but probably better not to think too hard about it. I do seem to have some weird gaps in my memory that aren't just 'I forgot, cause it was a long time ago', but rather reject my attempts to reach them. And probably for a good reason.

It's an effective way of showing what that period of time in Maitimo's life was like. It shows it very impactfully in such a short/brief scene. 😞

I'm glad the writing is impactful, but I'm sorry that you've had some unpleasant experiences that allow you to relate to this! 🥺

Ah, come on now bro. Just because you are able to, doesn't necessarily mean it's the best thing.
And like... "two days". You can't measure the severity of your situation solely with mere length of time! You briefly died, bruh. I think they'd expect you to feel bad, and want to help you. Especially as in some ways, the torment on Thangorodrim and the recovery from it has in fact made you more sensitive and reduced your tolerance for some things ('but the shadow of his pain was in his heart...').
You're not tough all through, and you still need help sometimes, even if it's understandably hard to believe that others could possibly be able to give it, thanks to your terribly unfortunate experiences during your recovery (e.g. in that particular intruding memory quoted above).

This really moved me. I wish somebody had thought to tell Maitimo that! But nobody knows exactly what he's thinking about, so they don't know this is a thing he's struggling with.

I wonder what Tyelko fears so much about telling Maitimo that he witnessed him having nightmares. Perhaps he doesn't want Maitimo to know that he was visiting him only when he was asleep/unconscious, because it might hurt his feelings or make him feel bad about things he had no control over? And maybe there is shame that he didn't stay there to help Maitimo himself after the nightmares.

Weeellll, let's just say there's a certain something to be revealed later. (Much later, unfortunately, but hopefully we'll get to it one of these days.)

*pat pats bro's overactive anxious brain*

Maedhros doesn't stop Maedhrosing... even when his body isn't working properly. 🫠

Indeed. This is an example of me putting aspects of myself into his character. The Brain never shuts up!

Ooh... 😬 That part's a bit uncomfortable to read, after what we've just learned about Tyelko's feelings and actions during Maitimo's recovery.

Yeah, this story is kind of interesting because it was my first RP after Fëanoriel, and it was the first writing project that helped me explore Celegorm in a more positive light. (As opposed to him being part of Curufin's plot to kill Maitimo so he never gives away the kingship.) So Madi and I didn't really have a solidified history between Tyelko and Maitimo yet, and hence they haven't always had a very positive relationship. I write them differently now, of course, and I think of TAtED as a somewhat different timeline than IC&SF and all that.

Now poor Tyelko's self-doubt is creeping in again, his feelings of being 'no-one's favourite', of not being good enough, of being hard to live with... 🥺

Oh no...
Wish I could comfort Tyelko now. It is no fault of his that he is not who Maitimo would prefer during a time like this. It is simply due to the way different people's personalities interact with each other. There are definitely many situations where Curvo would be most reassured by Tyelko's presence, rather than anyone else. And it is no failure of anyone else in the family that Curvo in Valinor usually preferred to go to Fëanor for comfort and advice. No one person can get along perfectly with everyone at all times. But Tyelko is discouraged by the fact that his presence is, more often than not, less appreciated than that of others. 🥺

We love you, Tyelko!! Poor boi deserves a hug!

And again, there is some interesting (and sad) backstory supporting this in this particular timeline.

Ah... and this chapter ends on a somewhat tense emotional note. From this, I suspect that things will not get easier on the emotional front, and further complications will arise. But poor Maitimo doesn't have the brain to deal with it, even if he wants to. He needs rest. *gives bro a little gentle hug*

He needs it! 🥺

I recently read the whole story here, and I wish to congratulate @Tyelkormo the Fair and @Maedhros_Nelyafinwë for how well you did on this story. The work in editing and writing this RP/Story was certainly worth it!

Aww, thank you so much!

I appreciate how the story has some humorous parts in the story; it made it more enjoyable than it already was and showed the love that Maitimo had for Aredhel and Lomion. When Aredhel called Maitimo a "Big stupid carrot-top", I burst out laughing so hard that I think my throat was sore afterwards 🤣.

Hehe! I think every story, no matter how dark and sad it is, needs a bit of humor. 100% dark and humorless stories are just exhausting. And those lighter moments actually serve to make the heavier moments more impactful.

I also enjoyed how caring and loving that Tyelko was to Maitimo and Aredhel, and how he was desperately running all over the place trying so hard to help Maitimo and not let him die, that part was simply very touching.

Yeah, like I said, this story was my first time exploring Tyelko as a Big Softie instead of just the heartless jerk that the fandom characterizes him to be. Big Softie Tyelko is objectively so much better!

I like that this story gives Eol more detail in personality, showing who he really could have been, and what he could have done if things had gone differently. Tolkien did not describe what Eol actually did to Lomion and Arehel, so I enjoy this story shows Eol for what he likely was, instead of leaving him to simply be known as a "not very nice" person.

Indeed. I think we might be stretching things a bit by making him an abuser, but the book doesn't say he wasn't like that. But even as evil as he is in this story, he still has his own complex personality and motives.

Lomion's life must have been so shattered by everything that happened to him, so I am glad he gets a parent who will try to rebuild his life for him and be as kind as his mother was to him. That part seemed happy to me, that Maeglin would get Maedhros as a parent.

Yes! We affectionately refer to them as Dadtimo and Goth Son, and I love them very much!

Good work on writing this story! It is very touching, very well written, and incredible overall, especially for not being completely cannon. Aredhel was exactly as one would imagine her, Eol and Lomion as well. Huan was remarkably written too, so perfect and so sweet to Maitimo when he was cold and injured. I love how that big fluffball was portrayed in this tale. Tyelko was also portrayed very well, and it was touching how the story actually described how Tyelko felt when he saw what happened to his cousin. The story implies he wasn't completely in agreement with the burning of the ships, and that is another detail I really like. Maitimo is well written, all his thoughts, how good and honorable he was being, how kind and gentle he was acting (except when he bashed Eol on the head), it was so Maitimo-like, and that I appreciated. Awesome job! Your work on this was totally worth it! I enjoyed it so much!

Thank you so much for your comments! I'm so glad you've enjoyed the story this much!

I have no idea when we'll next be able to update, but hopefully it won't be a terribly long wait.