What are you writing about now?

[Ent]

AHA. Ent sees a @Backyard Professor here in the Writing area.
Mountain-fresh air to his twigs, it is it is..!!
Welcome to you. Take some time here. - don't be hasty There's much to learn. And 'haste leads to waste' as some say, though it's a very hasty way to say it.

 

[Backyard Professor]

AHA. Ent sees a @Backyard Professor here in the Writing area.
Mountain-fresh air to his twigs, it is it is..!!
Welcome to you. Take some time here. - don't be hasty There's much to learn. And 'haste leads to waste' as some say, though it's a very hasty way to say it.

Yes! I found the Forum I have been looking for! So far it is rather exquisite I must confess! Enjoying the discussions as I have time. Thank you for saying hi.

 

[david_wendelken]

So, two questions.

1) In my book series, I am occasionally more "vivid" in describing skirmishes than Tolkien was. I don't think it's anywhere near what people call "horror porn", nor is it extensive in length or verbiage. It is vividly described rather than described in detail.

I don't want folks who are highly sensitive to that to be caught unawares. So, I've included a trigger warning by one of the historians. (As you may recall, like The Hobbit or The Lord of the Rings, I'm not writing a fiction novel, I'm translating historical documents.)

I've attached the trigger warning. I would like your input as to style and effectiveness for its purpose.

2) The general rule of thumb is that novels start with the most important character first. The reader is either "put in their head" in first-person or third-person close, or the narrator introduces or names them first.

Volume 1 rather smashes that rule and then uses a steamroller to flatten it some more. The main character doesn't appear until page 115 and isn't named until page 126. I've received professional advice that this is "a bad thing" unless we prepare the reader in advance for the switch to the "real" main character. I have a number of moments in the story where the narration character breaks out of telling their story with an interjection to their love interest - as yet unnamed or undescribed.

Now, I have a bang-up first chapter with an awesome hook. Whatever form this preparatory explanation takes must (a) NOT require much reading at all and (b) NOT really look like or feel like "reading the book."

I've devised a one-page explanation with large amounts of white space and quite a few small illustrations. In this sample, they are black and white, but they will be in colour if I go this route. I want their eyes to pass over it fleetingly and yet pick up the necessary information.

Don't focus too much on the precise graphic/text layout. It's done in word at the moment, I'll make it precise when I lay it out to be printed.

Does the attached file work for this purpose?

 

[WatcherWraith]

I think it works to get the point across.

 

[david_wendelken]

Did Tolkien ever design a badge for Elrond or Lorien? I'm not aware of one.

(Not interested in a fan-fic version unless it's free for use.)

 

[Ent]

Quick research suggests no badge, or heraldry, or other such device was ever done for Elrond, his house, Rivendell, Lothlorien, Gladriel, Celeborn, etc.
Others received such things.

It is a subject worth some serious thought. Thanks for bringing it up.
Given he did so for others, there must be an underlying reason he did not for these key people and places.

Ponder time.

 

[david_wendelken]

I've had several alpha- readers mention that the mallorn leaf designs look too much like male genitalia.

I really want to use this 3-foil leaf pattern idea, it's based on a very old plant.

Which of the three patternss (A, B or C) do you think looks best and which should be discarded for their unwanted resemblance?

Thanks!

 

[Server Room Gremlin]

I've had several alpha- readers mention that the mallorn leaf designs look too much like male genitalia.

I really want to use this 3-foil leaf pattern idea, it's based on a very old plant.

Which of the three patternss (A, B or C) do you think looks best and which should be discarded for their unwanted resemblance?

Thanks!View attachment 45963

I'd say C looks best to me. They look more natural and leaf like with their not-perfectly-smooth outlines.

 

[WatcherWraith]

I agree with Curvo. C looks the best to me. The simplicity of the lines, along with the curve of the leaves, strike me as the nicest illustration.

 

[david_wendelken]

"C" is my original version, the one that got the comments.

 

[Server Room Gremlin]

In my opinion, the issue lies more with people's minds and what they've been conditioned to see, rather than an issue with the art itself. I personally can only see them as leaves, because they're pointed.

 

[Fingon_Findekáno]

In my opinion, the issue lies more with people's minds and what they've been conditioned to see, rather than an issue with the art itself. I personally can only see them as leaves, because they're pointed.

I agree. I never would have considered interpreting those leaves as what your alpha readers have claimed to see. 😐 They only appear as decorative leaves to me.

 

[WatcherWraith]

"C" is my original version, the one that got the comments.

That is peculiar. And, personally, I'm not sure how that association even cropped up in the first place if these were the images being used. The problem does not lie with your leaves, methinks.

 

[Ent]

David, would you be able to provide a picture example of the very old plant it's based off of?
While Ent appreciates the comments made by others, and the 'problem is NOT your leaves', nonetheless the mind of man is irreperably bent (from a human perspective), and the consideration is not easily ignored.

A picture may help with some suggestions not straying too far from your target.

 

[Ent]

Ent has gotten his Introduction in 'publishable state,' and ready for presentation to The Tolkien Foundation now.
The Preface is very close to being ready as well.
Once Chapter 1 and 2 are prepared, off it will go, to insure no copyright issues are being stomped, and see if they've any interest in it.

It will, nonetheless, proceed to publication... with or without their 'blessing' or 'interest' - Ents own research suggests it's not infringing, though he wants to be sure. And at worst it MAY mean a slight toning down of a few direct quotes, alluding to them tangentially instead.

We'll see.

 

[david_wendelken]

A friend suggested adding stems to the leaves. I think this may solve the problem.

 

[david_wendelken]

I took photos of it years ago, up in the Appalachian mountains in NC. I don't remember the plant's name and the photo is "somewhere" on my computer. Sorry.

 

[david_wendelken]

David, would you be able to provide a picture example of the very old plant it's based off of?
While Ent appreciates the comments made by others, and the 'problem is NOT your leaves', nonetheless the mind of man is irreperably bent (from a human perspective), and the consideration is not easily ignored.

A picture may help with some suggestions not straying too far from your target.

Good

Ent has gotten his Introduction in 'publishable state,' and ready for presentation to The Tolkien Foundation now.
The Preface is very close to being ready as well.
Once Chapter 1 and 2 are prepared, off it will go, to insure no copyright issues are being stomped, and see if they've any interest in it.

It will, nonetheless, proceed to publication... with or without their 'blessing' or 'interest' - Ents own research suggests it's not infringing, though he wants to be sure. And at worst it MAY mean a slight toning down of a few direct quotes, alluding to them tangentially instead.

We'll see.

Excellent news! Please keep us apprised of their decision and justification (if they give one).

 

[Ent]

Sir @david_wendelken your solution to the leaf issue is exquisite - and as (nearly) always, the solution is simplicity itself.

Between the 3 I believe "C" would be my personal favorite because the outline lines are slightly "denser" being closer together, so these old eyes see them as 'darkerr.'

That said, I like the central 'line' extending into the two side leaves of A and B better... as I doubt the real leaf could exist without the central vein feeding them.

If a central vein going up into the side leaves of "C" could be added, it would be far and away the preference. (I'll shut up now.)

 

[david_wendelken]

Finished that last scene that's been devilling me for two weeks.

Now I need to make another pass through the manuscript to look for head-hopping and redundancies.