The Tolkien Joke and Meme thread

[Server Room Gremlin]

From the fanfiction 'Green Eggs and Silmarils', a Dr. Seuss style parody.

Green Eggs and Silmarils - Zdenka - The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien [Archive of Our Own]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

archiveofourown.org

Fëanor:
Fëanor. I’m Fëanor.
More skilled than any Elf before.
These are my sons: one, two, three, four,
five, six, and seven – maybe more!

Nerdanel:
NO. We stop at seven, Fëanor.

Fëanor:
I made these gems: one, two, and three.
They are the best. Don’t you agree?

Melkor:
Fëanor! I came to talk.

Fëanor:
Go away. The door is locked.

Melkor:
May I see a Silmaril?
I happen to have time to kill –

Fëanor:
You may not hold a shiny gem.
You may not even look at them.
I do not want you at my door.

Melkor:
You’ll be sorry, Fëanor.

Valar:
Can we have your jewels, please?
We need to fix our dying Trees.

Fëanor:
I will not give them for the Trees,
not even if you say “oh please.”
You cannot have them here or there.
You cannot have them anywhere.

Valar:
Fëanor, why can’t you share?

Mandos:
So it is Doomed.

Fëanor:
I do not care.

Melkor:
I steal your gems! I kill your dad!

Fëanor:
NOW YOU’VE MADE ME REALLY MAD.
YOU CANNOT HAVE THEM HERE OR THERE.
YOU CANNOT HAVE THEM ANYWHERE.
THOSE GEMS ARE MINE: ONE, TWO, AND THREE.
I'LL GET THEM BACK. JUST WAIT AND SEE.

Elves:
Can we have them in a town?
Can we put them in a crown?
Can we keep them on a flet?
Or set them in a carcanet?

Fëanor:
You cannot have them in a town.
You cannot put them in a crown.
You cannot keep them on a flet
or set them in a carcanet.
You cannot have them here or there.
You cannot have them anywhere.

Beren:
Can I have them with a king?
Can I have them with a ring?

Lúthien:
Can I have them with a cat?
Can I have them as a bat?

Fëanor:
You cannot have them with a king.
You cannot have them with a ring.
You cannot have them with a cat.
You cannot have them as a bat.
You cannot have them here or there.
You cannot have them anywhere.

Eärendil:
Say! With a bird!
Can I have one with a bird?
The Silmaril is on my boat,
my boat whose name is Vingilot.

Fëanor:
You cannot have one with a bird!
You cannot have them on a boat.
I hope your boat will never float.
You cannot have them near or far.
You cannot have them as a star.
YOU CANNOT HAVE THEM HERE OR THERE.
YOU CANNOT HAVE THEM ANYWHERE.

Valar:
Námo, please take him away.
We’ll try again some other day.

(The End)

 

[Squint-eyed Southerner]

 

[Maedhros_Nelyafinwë]

I found this template and filled it in a bit. If you have any more ideas, you can add to it if you want. 😂

View attachment 29940

Excuse me do I look mentally stable to you?! 😂

 

[Server Room Gremlin]

Excuse me do I look mentally stable to you?! 😂

Most of Maedhros' decisions and apparent thought processes were reasonable, though the 'shadow of his pain' remained 'in his heart' after his torment (so this was mostly internal).
And then all the subsequent tragedies clearly pushed him over the edge by the end. (that was a horrible pun, which I do not regret)

 

[Vorondil]

(that was a horrible pun, which I do not regret)

He who would pun would pick a pocket.

 

[Server Room Gremlin]

would pick a pocket

And then I suppose I'd be suitably pun-ished.

 

[Erestor Arcamen]

 

[Vorondil]

 

[Server Room Gremlin]

Gildor Inglorion:

 

[Erestor Arcamen]

 

[Maedhros_Nelyafinwë]

View attachment 29970

Fëanor, referring to his brother: Cringe of Finwë. Seems accurate.

 

[Tyelkormo the Fair]

Gildor Inglorion:

View attachment 29967

I'm Gildor. Gildor is me.

 

[Erestor Arcamen]

 

[𝕋𝕖𝕧𝕚𝕝𝕕𝕠]

 

[Squint-eyed Southerner]

 

[Erestor Arcamen]

 

[Squint-eyed Southerner]

 

[Tyelkormo the Fair]

View attachment 30007

When you think you're the only one capable of using Google:

 

[Radaghast]

 

[Erestor Arcamen]